I Can't Take It. :(

[EVAN_DESU]

I was debating about posting this because of my parents reading it, but right now, I really don't care, I need people or someone to talk to.

Today was a very bad day. My friend and I had an argument (the 100th one since May) and all she did today (with my other friend) was make fun of me, and used me for the things I had at my house. She basicaly doesn't know what the word "stop" means. She had done so many things today that had made me so ticked off and were annoying, like trying to push me off my bike and trying to put black tire marks all over me, I told her to stop, but she didn't. Then, not her fault I guess, called me "Cassandra" over and over again and it just got me so mad. Then she made fun of me some more and then said "Well, it's not my fault that you're not a boy." And it just put me over the edge. I hate how so many of the people I know and meet my age are so immature and don't care about anyones feelings. I texted my dad about how mad I was and what she was doing and stuff and he texted back saying "Then why are you her friend?" And guess what, right when we get back to my house she takes my phone to call her mom and then reads the text and tells me to have a nice life, and then my dad has to take her home. She then sends me a text saying that I am the worst friend ever and that's why I am so lonely and have no friends. Whatever, I guess it's true. Then my mom keeps telling me "Whatever, its okay, its not the end of the world, I know how you feel, blah blah blah." And she just goes on about it and says if that makes me upset I better toughen up because it's nothing and I shouldn't be upset about it. Then later, she says she might be sick again and might have to go to the hospital AGAIN when she was just there in February. She usually goes every year and the doctors always say that she was very close to dying everytime, and this might be part why I can't afford to go to the dentist or the doctor, or anything. I've never been to the dentist (am, finally going next friday, and scared as heck), I haven't been to the doctor for a real check up in 4 or so years, and now my mom wants me to go to the gyno, which I dreaddddd so much. I'd do ANYTHING not to go. She said "Oh, you always complain about having bad pain when you have your periord." Well, No shizz. That's how it is. She's been telling me I have to go to the gyno since I was 9 years old! Wth?? Then she tells me I need blood work and a bunch of other stuff done. Then she WONDERS why I am not in such a good mood today! She lays all this stuff I need to get done on me and all at once, and for someone who is not use to doctors or dentists or anything, she expects me to be fine and worry-free. Whatever. Then I talk to my best friend who tells me to stop worrying all the time and that she's worried about me, it made me think of stuff that has happened between us, and made me think of how much a horrible friend I am, and how my other ex friend now was probably right for not being my friend, all in all that made me cry more than any of this I'm talking about. On top of that I've been trying to lose weight and I ATLEAST want to drop down to 135 or 130, though my dream weight is 125. This morning I got on the scale and saw I lost 3 or 4 pounds, I was happy, then I weighed myself a little while ago (I know, I know, stupid) and supposedly, I gained SIX pounds, and I didn't eat or do anything out of the normal, I hope it goes down tomorrow. >.< I'm tired of trying to be happy or trying to do things and them almost always failing, I try so hard to be optimistic, but it NEVER works out in the end. So basicaly as of now I hate my body (To the point of me thinking of doing crazy things), my life, lost of people around me, and basicaly I'm mad at everything in general.

[Sally]

Misaki,

There is an old saying, "Mother told me there would be days like this."

She just failed to mention weeks, months, years, decades and lifetimes.

Seriously your friend is very immature and will either forget all about it and continue to do the same things that annoy you and wonder why you are mad, always remember that you were angry wih her or possibly figure out why you were angry and become a better friend.

Hope for the last.

Go to the doctoers and dentist - it is never pleasant but it is a good idea after so long.

And remember that no one is sypathetic or understanding of the pain of a stubbed toe unleass it is theirs - most people have no idea of the pain and isolation they are causing for you and they will probably never understand.

Be patient with others and just be the best you that you can.

Love ya,

Sally

[Guest LightNebula]

That girl who was using and harassing you shouldn't be someone you call a friend. That's disgusting of her to act like that. Your best friend really seems to care about you though, and I think she's someone you should value. Your parents seem to care for you as well, although they don't seem too aware of your feelings. I think you should try talking to them sometime, or maybe one at a time, when they are in a decent mood and not too busy, about how you're feeling, and try to make things at least a bit better than they are now. Make sure to remind them that they were teenagers once, too. Please don't do anything crazy that you'll regret.

About the weight: out of boredom I read some about metabolism, weight loss, the effects of the body lacking certain vitamins, etc. Your metabolism will slow down more and more until your body gets used to needing less and less food to live on. You should try to at least eat some, eat healthy and make sure you take vitamins or get them somehow, because you could get sick and feel even worse than you do now if you don't. Try to do a bit of exercise as well. Even walking in place while reading something or watching T.V. would be helpful in reaching your ideal weight.

I hope you feel better.

[Guest Neuro]

Hey Misaki-kun. ;_;

Your friend is immature. I hate that 'the cycle' screws with our minds so much, it's just another awful reminder isn't it? People who say things like "It's not my fault you're not a boy" should NOT have the privilege of being your friend. It's easy to want to cut them slack, but think: have they ever cut you any? Obviously not yesterday. Is it better to have no friends, or only bad ones?

Even though doctors are not a pleasant experience, I have to agree with Sally. Your health is important. Maybe they can even help you--but try to find other options for things like birth control if they want to give it to you, because those are female hormones that often worsen mood and make weight gain.

Parents always say they 'understand,' but it is rare they actually try to think about what you are going through rather than what their lives used to be like. We are all unique and different, there is no way they can automatically understand everything you are going through.

About weight loss: using a scale every day or multiple times a day is actually a good way to get false readings. Try to only use it about once or twice a week, say; on saturday before bed or wednesday before school. If you use it too often, it will give false information because no one can gain 6 pounds in 6 hours, much less lose 6 pounds in 6 hours. Plus, the less you use a scale the less depressed about weight you are! scales seep depression germs, huh???

Eating is important, though. Eat at least 3 meals a day, if you are not hungry make sure it is something healthy or that you can burn it off by exercising later. Having control over food and fitness is a good thing, I wish I knew some websites to give you that had better tips on it though.

I hope you feel better, and remember that you always have a friend here at the playground ;_;

--Michael

[Guest Zabrak]

My advice, though you may not like, is that person is not your friend. Shes a spoiled brat for pushing your buttons then getting mad that you were mad at her. Ditch her, move on and know you're better then this child that doesn't have a bone of respect in her body.

About the doctors, it'll be ok. And its normal to worry, don't feel bad about that and don't let your parents make you feel bad about worrying. If anything they should comfort you. Man I wish parents would learn pressuring your kids or putting them down doesn't help. I see parents pull stuff like this all too often. *sigh* I feel for you, bro.