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Scared of going to church if I come out


Jazz-per

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So... I've been raised LDS my whole life. I don't necessarily disagree with the teachings, but I found out late last year I was trans. I know the church doesn't support it... it gets really depressing for me because I want to be out at church and stuff... and not be worried about being unsafe at church... I can live with some of the other stuff... I just don't want to be constantly told I'm wrong or an "abomination/abnormality" and that I just need to "learn to be more comfortable with who God made me to be"...

 

I know where my parents (both lifelong members) stand on it and it's not ver good... My dad has objectively stated that "trans men aren't men" and my mom mentions a lot of the time that this whole "gender thing" is an attempt to "confuse kids"... I just want to be happy and feel safe.

 

I agree with the majority of the church... but I just don't feel like I could feel or be safe if I came out and transitioned...

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  • Admin

I am not Mormon/CJCLDS but I have had close contacts with them during the time I was a Boy Scout volunteer and from close friends of my mother.  You are going to have a very rough time with them I am afraid to say.  Some of the earlier posts in this Forum have some topics by a long time member who battled the church, and which goes into some of the pertinent theology and practices that you will be up against.  A big part of the issue is the church emphasis on hereditary membership and the idea that your purpose in life is to have children, and anything that reduces that possibility is apostasy.  Do be careful in your relations since we have pulled the plug on some people pretending to be Trans who are instead Church religious counselors who attempt to solicit for Conversion aka Repairative Therapy to change your "orientation" back to what they think is your actual identity when our experience is exactly the opposite.  When I came out full time eleven years ago I had to quit my membership of 50+ years in the Boy Scouts due to the the Mormon control of the National BSA Board of Directors at the time.

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It comes down to what you believe and if a church doesn't accept you for who you are, they are the ones with the issue. Jesus would never reject you so why should they if they are true followers of what he did and showed with his love. 

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@VickySGV Yeah... it's gonna be a battle...  It doesn't help that I'm also pretty sure I'm ace... so the hereditary and family compulsion thing is something I really struggle with and my parents are really harsh on it. I'm glad I was able to find this forum before I came out though so at least I'll have someplace to go for support.

 

@Shay That's true. I'm still trying to figure out my own personal beliefs and whether or not my desire to stay with the church is because I agree with a lot of it or if it's because it's all I've ever known. I know I want to be happy with who I am and have that be okay with where I go.

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I would suggest that you choose your battles carefully.  The church is not going to change in your lifetime, and they will fight you all the way.  It might be time to seek out a different church whose teachings you can accept, and that is more accepting of our people.  You are stuck with family, but you probably don't want an entire entrenched hierarchy against you.

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@KathyLauren That's a good point. I guess I'm just really scared of change and not really sure even how I'd go about it. But I don't really want to have that full repercussion of the whole church as you pointed out. I'm just an obsessive overthinker and terrified of that change. 

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9 hours ago, Torrence Kieran said:

I'm still trying to figure out my own personal beliefs and whether or not my desire to stay with the church is because I agree with a lot of it or if it's because it's all I've ever known.

You might get closer to understanding that if you study the history of Christianity, an overview, not just of one religion. You can take a course or make your own study through books and websites. It can be really fascinating to see the cultural interweavings with religious traditions. If you enjoy general history you could really have a good time and start to get a larger perspective on how you approach religion.

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If you want to go to church, go. If it makes you feel at home, if it makes you feel socially healthy, or in touch with spirituality, go. You can work on untangling from whatever toxic parts of it are affecting you. You might never agree with everyone in the "club" of a given religion, or with the overall teachings, even. If you feel the religion you grew up in is harming you, search for lgbt friendly worship services in your area.

 

All I know about LDS I know from a friend who converted to it, and reading about it online.

 

I can only speak to my experience of the Catholic church, which is this: canon from Rome is way different from Midwestern home congregations' practices. You'll find a lot of nasty, snide iterations of canon/dogma online. It's easy to find people not just repeating the rules, but writing them in a condescending way. But it baffles me to see that, because where I grew up going to church, in a suburb of a large Midwestern city, we had an openly gay couple as music directors. If an apparently trans person went to that church, nobody would have said anything--except that my mother would have criticized their clothing, because she criticizes people a lot, for everything. I don't go on this ramble to say you should go to a Catholic church. I only mean you might find friends in any denomination.

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      Welcome Vincent! Glad you're here. I think you'll find it a great place as I have with lots of loving support, advice & acceptance to help you on your journey.   Hugs! Delcina
    • AgnesBardsie
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    • Vince94
      (Nevermind, I think I've found the right place to post it!)
    • Vince94
      Hello, Carolyn, thank you for your kind words! I've actually found the answer to my question (regarding the profile-pic) about a minute before I've seen your reply, haha. But thanks! I guess I'll wait then. My question is about effects of testosterone when I increase my dose. Do you have any suggestions where to post it?
    • Carolyn Marie
      Welcome to Trans Pulse, Vincent.  It's nice to meet you.  We don't have many members from Germany so a special welcome to you!  I visited there a few years ago (river cruise) and I loved the towns and the people.   You can find the answer to your question HERE.  Just remember that you need to have a few posts under your belt first, and your pic needs to be of a small enough pixel size.   Please look around and post whatever questions you have (you didn't mention yet the question that brought you here).  We'll do our very best to answer them.   HUGS   Carolyn Marie
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    • Vince94
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    • Teri Anne
      Gosh I wish there was a like button. Everyone looks fab.  
    • stveee
      To "decide" to start HRT would suggest you had some kind of dysphoria.  I agree, dyphoria is much more than a dissonance between my mind or Self identity and it's container. It's my Self's relation to both outer (and inner) environment. Sometimes it's very subtle, sometimes glaring. 
    • Kelly2509
      I haven't seen significant changes and I've been on HRT for 9 months with decent Estrogen and testosterone levels since May.  If patches were used, my guess is the doc started with very low doses which means much slower results.  My doc advised me against patches because they are generally low dose and for most transwomen he's dealt with who've gone that way they had to use multiple patches at a time to get the dosage needed.  Also my doctor said changes in body hair is approximately a 2 year process, assuming good hormone levels in the blood, so a few months to see results seems optimistic at best.  And of course facial hair isn't affected by HRT so there's that.   my advice would be if you haven't already to get her estrogen and testosterone levels checked and consult with the doc to see if she's in or near the target range.  I've been told by many that you can expect the entire first year to mostly just be the doc dialing in the proper dosage, so get the blood tests and work with the doc to make sure the proper adjustments are made.  Then I would advise patience, which is probably the hardest part of transition in my opinion.
    • Carolyn Marie
      Jazz-Per, why don't you try using our Resource Locator, found Here?  It is not a definitive source, so you can also try through LGBT centers or the state's professional associations for licensed therapists.  I wish you luck.   HUGS   Carolyn Marie
    • KathyLauren
      It is very common to start transition for some reasons that don't include body parts, and then to become aware of one's dissatisfaction with their body parts later in the process.  That was certainly the case for me.   I know a lot of people reserve the word "dysphoria" for dissatisfaction with body parts, but I think it applies to other areas of life.  Social dysphoria is very common, possibly more common than body dysphoria.  To be honest, I cannot see someone starting transition, including HRT, unless they were experiencing some kind of (what I would call) dysphoria.   In my case, I experienced strong social dysphoria.  I could not stand relating to others as a male and wanted to relate to them as a female.  On that basis, I started HRT and transitioned socially shortly thereafter.  Well after that process started, I became more aware of my body dysphoria and set the process in motion to do something about that.  That is a very common path.   However, I am not going to tell you how to describe your experience.  If you prefer to reserve the word dysphoria for dissatisfaction with your body, then yes, what you describe is very common.  It doesn't indicate a mistake.  It just indicates a difference in terminology.  

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