Jump to content
  • Welcome to the TransPulse Forums!

    We offer a safe, inclusive community for transgender and gender non-conforming folks, as well as their loved ones, to find support and information.  Join today!

Scared of going to church if I come out


Torrence Kieran

Recommended Posts

Torrence Kieran

So... I've been raised LDS my whole life. I don't necessarily disagree with the teachings, but I found out late last year I was trans. I know the church doesn't support it... it gets really depressing for me because I want to be out at church and stuff... and not be worried about being unsafe at church... I can live with some of the other stuff... I just don't want to be constantly told I'm wrong or an "abomination/abnormality" and that I just need to "learn to be more comfortable with who God made me to be"...

 

I know where my parents (both lifelong members) stand on it and it's not ver good... My dad has objectively stated that "trans men aren't men" and my mom mentions a lot of the time that this whole "gender thing" is an attempt to "confuse kids"... I just want to be happy and feel safe.

 

I agree with the majority of the church... but I just don't feel like I could feel or be safe if I came out and transitioned...

Link to post
  • Admin
VickySGV

I am not Mormon/CJCLDS but I have had close contacts with them during the time I was a Boy Scout volunteer and from close friends of my mother.  You are going to have a very rough time with them I am afraid to say.  Some of the earlier posts in this Forum have some topics by a long time member who battled the church, and which goes into some of the pertinent theology and practices that you will be up against.  A big part of the issue is the church emphasis on hereditary membership and the idea that your purpose in life is to have children, and anything that reduces that possibility is apostasy.  Do be careful in your relations since we have pulled the plug on some people pretending to be Trans who are instead Church religious counselors who attempt to solicit for Conversion aka Repairative Therapy to change your "orientation" back to what they think is your actual identity when our experience is exactly the opposite.  When I came out full time eleven years ago I had to quit my membership of 50+ years in the Boy Scouts due to the the Mormon control of the National BSA Board of Directors at the time.

Link to post
  • Forum Moderator

It comes down to what you believe and if a church doesn't accept you for who you are, they are the ones with the issue. Jesus would never reject you so why should they if they are true followers of what he did and showed with his love. 

Link to post
Torrence Kieran

@VickySGV Yeah... it's gonna be a battle...  It doesn't help that I'm also pretty sure I'm ace... so the hereditary and family compulsion thing is something I really struggle with and my parents are really harsh on it. I'm glad I was able to find this forum before I came out though so at least I'll have someplace to go for support.

 

@Shay That's true. I'm still trying to figure out my own personal beliefs and whether or not my desire to stay with the church is because I agree with a lot of it or if it's because it's all I've ever known. I know I want to be happy with who I am and have that be okay with where I go.

Link to post
KathyLauren

I would suggest that you choose your battles carefully.  The church is not going to change in your lifetime, and they will fight you all the way.  It might be time to seek out a different church whose teachings you can accept, and that is more accepting of our people.  You are stuck with family, but you probably don't want an entire entrenched hierarchy against you.

Link to post
Torrence Kieran

@KathyLauren That's a good point. I guess I'm just really scared of change and not really sure even how I'd go about it. But I don't really want to have that full repercussion of the whole church as you pointed out. I'm just an obsessive overthinker and terrified of that change. 

Link to post
DonkeySocks
9 hours ago, Torrence Kieran said:

I'm still trying to figure out my own personal beliefs and whether or not my desire to stay with the church is because I agree with a lot of it or if it's because it's all I've ever known.

You might get closer to understanding that if you study the history of Christianity, an overview, not just of one religion. You can take a course or make your own study through books and websites. It can be really fascinating to see the cultural interweavings with religious traditions. If you enjoy general history you could really have a good time and start to get a larger perspective on how you approach religion.

Link to post
DonkeySocks

If you want to go to church, go. If it makes you feel at home, if it makes you feel socially healthy, or in touch with spirituality, go. You can work on untangling from whatever toxic parts of it are affecting you. You might never agree with everyone in the "club" of a given religion, or with the overall teachings, even. If you feel the religion you grew up in is harming you, search for lgbt friendly worship services in your area.

 

All I know about LDS I know from a friend who converted to it, and reading about it online.

 

I can only speak to my experience of the Catholic church, which is this: canon from Rome is way different from Midwestern home congregations' practices. You'll find a lot of nasty, snide iterations of canon/dogma online. It's easy to find people not just repeating the rules, but writing them in a condescending way. But it baffles me to see that, because where I grew up going to church, in a suburb of a large Midwestern city, we had an openly gay couple as music directors. If an apparently trans person went to that church, nobody would have said anything--except that my mother would have criticized their clothing, because she criticizes people a lot, for everything. I don't go on this ramble to say you should go to a Catholic church. I only mean you might find friends in any denomination.

Link to post

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!

Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.

Sign In Now
  • Who's Online   5 Members, 0 Anonymous, 84 Guests (See full list)

    • Timber Wolf
    • Cyndee
    • Niamh
    • Shay
    • TiredAndScared
  • Recently Browsing   0 members

    No registered users viewing this page.

  • Topics With Zero Replies

  • Forum Statistics

    • Total Topics
      74,551
    • Total Posts
      690,927
  • Member Statistics

    • Total Members
      8,559
    • Most Online
      8,356

    geri
    Newest Member
    geri
    Joined
  • Today's Birthdays

    1. Luca
      Luca
      (25 years old)
  • Posts

    • Mia Marie
      Last weekend I finally came out to him by way of a letter. The next day he was distant and not responsive. The next day following I was getting ready for work and said he want us to have a talk about what I put on the letter. He proceeded to tell me any female presenting would not be allow in the house period that he would never see me as his daughter. I am guessing he thinks if I don't present maybe it will go away. I don't think he understands being transgender isn't a fad and doesn't just come and go. I wanted to know his boundaries and he gave me a wall. I don't think he realizes he is trying to push me down a road I can't and won't go. That road doesn't end well for me. I don't want to hate him to the point I want be around him at all. He has one daughter that considers him dead to her. I don't want to be the 2nd.
    • Charlize
      For so many of us who transition after having established a relationship there is always fear of everything blowing up.  I know that if i had told my wife 50+ years ago that i was going to transition we would never have developed the loving relationship that has helped both of us through life's difficulties.  When i came to to her after 40 years of marriage i wasn't sure how things would go!  Fortunately we are closer than ever mostly because i'm happier now that my "worst" secret is gone.  What was once a source of shame, fear and isolation is gone.    Thank you for sharing Aofie.  Hopefully you may help others to find a path.   Hugs,   Charlize
    • Elizabeth Star
      @WillowI don't feel you're being to sensitive. There's a big difference between impersonators and trans. I don't ever take take off the woman. It is who I am. I do take it personally when I hear others making comments or jokes. I know they're not usually directed towards me but trans people are not a joke. I also don't know where to draw the line sometimes. I am a woman (I know it in my soul and it say's so on my ID), so should I be quiet and let the comments slide so I don't out myself around people who don't know I'm trans? Be defensive and take a chance? Or, join in and solidify my identity? I don't see joining in as a option I would ever use but I'm sure someone somewhere has.
    • Jandi
      This is possibly my favorite album still.
    • Jandi
      I don't think you're overly sensitive.   I find this kind of thing offensive myself.  But I do realize the people that post it have no concept of actually being transgender.  Of course this doesn't make it less offensive, esspecially when it's done vindictively.   I am not personally a fan of the drag scene.  But whatever.  That's probably because I don't like the idea of drawing attention to myself.     As for "crossdressing"…     It was when I finally got up the nerve to try fem clothes that I busted my egg.  But I don't consider it cross dressing.  To me it's just dressing. But I do realize there are plenty of people who are content with occasional crossdressing.  I'm not offended by that.  Sometimes it's just the situation they are in, or they may be NB.  
    • Cyndee
      For ladies only "Tenderness"   sooo sweet....    
    • Charlize
      Perhaps simply knowing i'm not alone has been as important in finding self acceptance as anything else.  My feelings about gender and how i express it have certainly changed over time.  Some of that was societal pressure while some was simply due to life's pressing needs.  For much too long i felt shame and guilt for being myself.  Acceptance, whether of a distinct straight path or a winding trail, can take away self condemnation.      My life seems to wind and vary in many ways including my gender.  I've been hyper male, quite female and perhaps today i'm a "tomboy".  Truck and tractor driving farmer who puts on a skirt to go grocery shopping.  I just enjoy being me even if that is in flux.     Hugs,   Charlize
    • MetaLicious
      @Willow, I definitely thik the dog thing is offensive.  Not only does it show blatant disrepct for transfolk, there's an unhealthy dose of fat-shaming there as well.   As for female impersonators, drag queens have a disproportionate share of gays and transwomen compared to society, and are more "like us" than you may realize.  Also, I think Ru Paul is a treasure who has shown me how beautiful a man can be feminine even without transitioning.  He gives me hope.  He also has some pretty inspirational music!
    • Teri Anne
      Everyone is looking wonderful in the recent pics.
    • Jandi
      Sounds like a wise man. I'm sorry for you and your family.   It's never easy, even when you are expecting it.
    • Delcina B
      Solly, I'm glad you found the forum. I've found it to be a wonderful place full of caring people who share their experience, give advice & support, & accept me just as I am. I think you will find it so as well. This gender journey isn't a race, so you can take all the time you need, relax & breathe. Where we fit on the gender spectrum is where we find we feel comfortable, some are fluid & don't fix themselves with a specific label. It's all up to you.   Welcome! Delcina
    • Shay
      @Willow those are legitimate gripes and I concur. Wish people would respect others differences and not try to find humor where it's not.
    • Willow
      Good morning everyone.  Rain predicted for here in the top of Virginia today and tomorrow.   I have a question for ya’ll.  I get offended by some things which I feel are taking a shot at us.  For example, a joke on Facebook showed a fat dog and the caption was “I identify as trans slim”.  Or I don’t like female impersonators.  They are nothing like us yet they were allowed to advertise their show on on a transgender only secret website.  Am I overly sensitive?  Is it wrong to feel these sorts of things are offensive to me?  Let me know what you think.   @Elizabeth Star I was a Jack! Now Jill of all trades.  Made furniture, repaired the house and car, replaced a roof, you name it ive probably done it.  But I’m getting older and muscle mass is lessened.  My last project was definitely not up to my standard so I’m done.  Giving my stationery power tools to my son.  Gave away or sold a lot of stuff during our move out.  And will likely have more to deal with after we move in to our new place.  And my eyesight, very frustrating and upsetting when I can’t see clearly.  Nothing is ever at the correct focal distance.     let me know if I’m being overly sensitive with things I think are slaps at us.   Willow  
    • Shay
      @Elizabeth Star now that you have experience how about doing my and Cyndee's doors ?
    • Elizabeth Star
      I would be so mad if I broke a nail working on this stuff. I could hire someone to do the work but since I know what's involved I have trouble trusting other people's quality.
  • Upcoming Events

Contact TransPulse

TransPulse can be contacted in the following ways:

Email: Click Here.

To report an error on this page.

Legal

Your use of this site is subject to the following rules and policies, whether you have read them or not.

Terms of Use
Privacy Policy
DMCA Policy
Community Rules

Hosting

Upstream hosting for TransPulse provided by QnEZ.

Sponsorship

Special consideration for TransPulse is kindly provided by The Breast Form Store.
×
×
  • Create New...