Can You Clock an Egg? (Identify a Newly Coming Out Person)

[Aoife]

I was in transgender.support earlier this week and talking about meeting a trans woman a couple years ago (this was at Phat Bites in Nashville if by some miracle anyone knows her) and how much I wanted to be her friend. She complimented my t-shirt, but I was with my family and given what my wife knows I was worried about being too friendly with another woman, especially a trans one. The person in the chat I was talking to suggested that the woman at the restaurant could tell I was an egg. They may have just been sweetly giving me some gender euphoria, but I wonder if it's true. Do you ever see someone presenting as a man and know she's an egg? Honestly, I want to put more into being spotted as one to make some friends.

Edited June 16, 2021 by VickySGV
Problem terminology

[VickySGV]

Lets be a little careful about some terminology here, in the 20 years I have been out I have only heard the term "egg" about three days ago so I think I understand it to be a person in the earliest processes of coming out. I would NOT like to be known as such in conversation since to me it is insulting.  Clocking is also a word problem since it means a very unwelcome experience of some one exposing us as Trans for the purpose of attacking us.  Your question though, "can you can tell if someone is new to being out."  I will say flat out, simply don't try it.  More often than not you will be wrong, since there are a lot of people who do not fit gender stereotypes, but who are in fact Cis Gender, and your wrong guess could leave you open to assault and battery or worse.  The big rule is that each and every one of us is to be in charge and control of our "being out" and this would violate that principal.  If you want to make friends in the community, go to your local LGBTQ Community Center and attend their social functions and join support groups where the people are out to each other and the groups are a safe haven for the members.  Even if I see members of groups I belong to in public, the subject of them being Trans does not come up for safety reasons. 

[Sally Stone]

Just this past weekend, while out shopping, I walked by a woman who could very definitely have been trans and to reinforce by belief, her facial expression when seeing me seemed to indicate she wanted to connect with me.  Still, as Vicky indicates, we must be extremely careful in these situations.  Just because we may be trans, we don't have the right to ask others if they are.  It's just not acceptable interaction.  

 

The best we can hope for in situations like this, is to strike up a conversation, just being friendly and polite.  If that other person chooses to reveal themselves to you as trans, great; if not however, never, ever ask.

 

As for terminology use within our community, I myself, have stumbled, so I do my very best to stick with pronouns or identifiers that are commonly accepted. 

[KathyLauren]

6 hours ago, VickySGV said:

Even if I see members of groups I belong to in public, the subject of them being Trans does not come up for safety reasons. 

 

^^^ This.

 

There was an incident in the local support group a few years ago.  A member who was out but socially clueless recognized a fellow group member who was not out and was presenting in drab, in a very public place.  She walked up to the other member and shouted, "Hi, girl!"  The clueless member had to be expelled from the support group.

 

Identifying someone else as trans is very dangerous.  Don't go there.  Certainly don't say or do anything to reveal your guess.  If the person is really cis, they would likely take it as an insult.  If the person is trans, but trying to be stealth, you have just told them their stealth is failing.

 

If you think someone you meet might be trans, the best way to greet them is the same as if you suspect they might be cis: a big smile, and a friendly "hello".  You don't need to know whether or not they are trans.

 

It is always your prerogative to reveal that you are trans.  Some people will wear a trans flag pin as an ice-breaker.

[Charlize]

    In the very few instances that i have met another trans person without the place being friendly it was where i first outed myself. I tryed to do that without them needing to come out or best without them even knowing i might suspect.  

Clocking an egg is indeed a strange expression reminding me, as a farmer, of candling eggs.

    I'm quite sure i would not have ever liked being clocked as an egg.

 

Hugs,

 

Charlize

[Jackie C.]

You can, but... There's a friend of mine I thought was trans for about a year before she came out. I recognized all the signs that I had eventually recognized in myself. She didn't say anything, so I kept it quiet. Since she's come out, I've been nothing but supportive but...

 

Well, if you suspect, suspect, but keep it to yourself. When they're ready, they'll tell you if they trust you enough. If they're not ready, it's none of your business. I'm also pretty sure her wife is genderfluid, but again, I keep it to myself. If she's (she identifies as she most of the time) ready to tell me, then I'll be supportive. Until then, it's none of my business and I'll support her just the same.

 

It's for all the reasons. Safety. I wouldn't want to embarrass them, etc... I'd NEVER EVER approach a stranger that way. I can't even imagine what might have happened if someone had tried that with me before I knew myself. 

 

Hugs!

[Aoife]

Thank you. I do think there are some generational differences here, but I needed the reminder to be cautious and safe.

 

Specifically in what I described, I mentioned how the woman working at the restaurant was probably 6'2" or 6'3" with broad shoulders. She looked amazing with little or no makeup, and it was only when she spoke that I knew for certain she was trans. The person in the chat I was talking to suggested that this trans woman specifically revealed her voice to make sure I knew because she knew I was an egg. Perhaps she saw me look at her less like "is she trans?" and more "i want to be her"

[Carolyn Marie]

4 hours ago, Aoife said:

The person in the chat I was talking to suggested that this trans woman specifically revealed her voice to make sure I knew because she knew I was an egg.

 

There are many trans women who have great difficulty with obtaining a feminine voice.  The person you met, if she is trans, may have been one of those people and may not have talked in that tone on purpose to signal you.  You just don't know for sure. 

 

BTW, I agree with the comments above about not outing someone you don't know.  I know I would not like it.

 

Carolyn Marie

[Ivy]

This is not any advice or anything, just something that happened.

It was probably at least a year ago - probably more.  

I was sitting at a sidewalk table nursing a beer at a place I go frequently,  I'm out around here and it's obvious that I'm trans.  (This is a rather conservative area)  There was nobody else outside at the moment, and a person walked by, and stopped just looking at me.  They were presenting pretty ambiguously.  To be honest I don't know if they were gay, or just liked to dress like that.  They just stood there for several minutes and we looked at each other, but neither of us spoke.  I think maybe we were each waiting for the other.  Eventually, they just turned and continued on their way.

I've never seen then again around here.  I kinda wish I'd said "Hi" or something.  

But no…

 

Like I said, just something that happened.