Gender Therapist Interview Tomorrow—nervous

[Davie]

Hi Gender Enhanced Folks,

 

I have a Therapist Interview tomorrow morning at Fenway Health in Boston.

I'm nervous but also excited—maybe he'll tell me who I really am? Hopefully, it'll be to get on a waiting list for a gender therapist. It's just an intake interview, but it's milestone in the process, I'd say. Thanks everyone for your support around this. I also have my PCP doc onboard with this and my current therapist, too. I think my persona is way too used to resistance about this, but I now feel I must lean forward into the future—one with many possibilities, and with real truth, and with hope. 

Wish me luck,

 

--Davie

[Teri Anne]

Good luck with the interview.

I have to mention it will be both of you that figure the real truth out. He can't help you without your help too.

I think you know who you are but just aren't ready to admit it to yourself.

Its a huge step I know but you can do it.

 

[Maddee]

Good luck tomorrow Davie.

[Davie]

Thanks Teri Anne and Maddee,

 

This sounds experienced and wise: "I have to mention it will be both of you that figure the real truth out. He can't help you without your help too. I think you know who you are but just aren't ready to admit it to yourself."

Yours,

Davie

PS: I'll report back here.

 

[Jani]

Hello Davie, 

I go to Fenway and the people there are so nice and helpful.  I also went to a counselor there to get my second letter for surgery.  

5 hours ago, Davie said:

I'm nervous but also excited—maybe he'll tell me who I really am?

I doubt that will happen.  Any good counselor will talk to you and help you discover who you are.  Only you can make that determination. 

 

All my best tomorrow,

Jani

[Davie]

Thanks, Jani. One thing I know--I'm not alone.

 

--Davie

 

[Vidanjali]

Good luck, @Davie! It's a good insight to realize you're used to resistance about this. Hopefully, keeping in mind that does not have to be the norm, you'll be able to enter into this therapeutic experience with a sense of openness and vulnerability - I believe those qualities are paramount to learning who you are. Keep in mind that (most) therapists enter their vocation because they want to help. The fact that your current therapist and pcp support you should buoy you going into this. Just imagine you're meeting a new teammate tomorrow. Much love. 

[Davie]

3 hours ago, Vidanjali said:

Good luck, @Davie! It's a good insight to realize you're used to resistance about this. Hopefully, keeping in mind that does not have to be the norm, you'll be able to enter into this therapeutic experience with a sense of openness and vulnerability - I believe those qualities are paramount to learning who you are. Keep in mind that (most) therapists enter their vocation because they want to help. The fact that your current therapist and pcp support you should buoy you going into this. Just imagine you're meeting a new teammate tomorrow. Much love. 

Thanks, https://www.transgenderpulse.com/forums/index.php?/profile/35411-vidanjali/

Really sounds good to me all you say. So many folks here already feel like teammates to me. And with my doctor and therapist, I should be fine. I particularly like the attitude you mention of "a sense of openness and vulnerability," not necessarily one of courage, per se. I seen quite a bit of the opposite of helpfulness, it's hard to trust. I'll just let go and trust. That's helped me with therapy all along.

love,

Davie

[Teri Anne]

Remember your journey  is your own and may be very different from the rest of us.

Your path may be different than ours but it may lead you to the same place which is happiness in who you are.

[Davie]

Whew. That's over and I'm relieved. Had my Intake for the gender therapist and it looks like I'll get one of those for 6 months duration starting in 3 - 5 months after the waiting list. It went well, but they had a full hour of questions for me. Difficult ones, but important to therapy, I guess. I really hate being judged so that set me on edge a bit. Thanks everyone for information about a GT and for all the personal support before today on it.

hugs,

Davie

 

[Charlize]

I'm glad you made the plunge.  Sorry you feel you are being judged.  I guess in some ways i felt the same.  I just tried to be as open and honest as i could be.  I think perhaps i had judged myself for a lifetime and tried desperately to be a "real" male with no issues.  When i opened to the therapist i began to see my issues were not going away.  My self judgement began to fade.

Hope you find the acceptance i found as i opened up and realized it was more a matter of me accepting than being accepted by others.

 

Hugs,

 

Charlize

[Vidanjali]

Glad you made it through, @Davie. Isn't it remarkable that indeed being courageous often requires softening on our part rather than armouring. @Charlize yes, well said - we find freedom in learning to accept ourselves rather than aiming to render ourselves "acceptable" - it is uncomfortable to say the least to try to squeeze oneself into a box. Somehow acceptance is not immediately intuitive for so many of us, and it can often be quite painful getting there, but the journey to greater self-acceptance and self-love is a worthy undertaking. 

[Davie]

Thanks, @Charlize

So good to hear that. It's a totally irrational fear, but it's there. I remembered what you said: "as open and honest as i could be" and went with that. No matter what anyone says later . . . to be satisfied with myself as I presented was worth it and I was valuing myself as I spoke. (Plus, it allowed for some actual humor among the usual awful stories I had to tell.) He seemed satisfied with my presentation, called me Davie, and will recommend me for a therapist on their list. I might have actually grown a trans inch today!

love,

Davie 

[Davie]

Thanks, @VidanjaliWell said: "indeed being courageous often requires softening on our part rather than armoring." Got to remember that . . . or actually I've got to practice that. And I should never forget how much support there is among this community (OK, wipe a tear). I'm so emotional these days—is that a thing?

yours,

Davie

[Davie]

Topic update: I got approved for Gender Therapy!

Short term of 6 months, but that's about right, I'd say.

Starts in 3 months . . . just in time to change back! Or not.

cheers,

Davie

 

[Susan R]

1 hour ago, Davie said:

Topic update: I got approved for Gender Therapy!

Great news @Davie. This is going to be so helpful and affirming for you, I’m sure.

 

Thanks for your update,

Susan R?

[Teri Anne]

They aren't the ones judging you that is you judging yourself.

They see people like us day in and day out so there is nothing you can say that will phase them.

You can't say anything they haven't heard a thousand times.

I am glad you got lined up for a GT to help you sort things out.

[Vidanjali]

That's great, @Davie! 

[Alice_Sybilina]

@Daviethat's amazing! I'm worried about going to a therapist. My mom used to drag me through them and all I ever saw were people who didn't listen, didn't understand, and were full of themselves and their degrees.

 

I'm used to people telling me I'm wrong, or just not listening to me, but I hate hearing it. When I feel like people aren't listening to what I'm saying I get really defensive and shut down, or start yelling (terrible habit that strains my relationships) 

 

My personality is big, really big, even when I'm hiding who I am. I perform for the world. I don't feel like people are capable of understanding the mess inside of me. 

[Heather Shay]

@Alice_Sybilina gender therapist the BEST thing that ever happened to me after 68 years of hiding, being treated for depression, anxiety, panic attacks and anorexia by several therapists a gender therapist turned my life around. Happiest I've been in my entire life. I hope you find a good one. Your talent will be magnified and you can show even a greater talent to the world.

[Alice_Sybilina]

That's really what I'm hoping for. I've done so much as a guy, I want to run free without my mask and see what I can truly become. 

[Vidanjali]

Bless you @Alice_Sybilina. I relate so much to what you say. The right guidance will come into your life if that is what you desire. You will be happy and WHOLE. Much love. 

[Davie]

So this is a topic update, I guess. Had a couple of therapy sessions so far. So far so good. We have goals and means to approach them so far. She's open and enthusiastic. She's sympathetic and shows more a more varied experience than I initially thought. I do have to teach her all the history of mine that she doesn't know. Guess it'll have to be explained in context as we go. Flashing back in a good way to a previous therapist who was insightful enough to ask me this in the first minute we met: "What gender are you?" That startled me to imagining getting a new therapist, but in retrospect-- How could she intuit such a thing?

It is fine enough to get paid close attention by someone who constantly calls me Davie.

Looking forward to letting go of so much fear and doubt I've practiced over the years. Hope so. One week at a time. Thanks for walking me to her door, folks.

Yours,

Davie

[Heather Shay]

@Davie You are ready and confident in moving ahead. Your words and actions prove that and I have all the faith in you moving forward. Last week I was shattered after my therapy session but it lead to a new phase in my relationship and openness and well worth the pain. I know the setbacks and struggles you've had you can conquer as you grow in confidence and openness and I have a good feeling about your new therapist. I can sense it in the way you skillfully (4 L's in that word - I like it but I digress) word your posts and you poetry has grown more direct and well expressive of the person you truly are and I'm proud to see you blossom.

[Davie]

Thanks for the support Heather ( @Shay). I appreciate it, but I don't always do things well.  Often I talk a better game than I feel. I'll never stop needing help so I better ask for it, I'd say.

cheers,

Davie