Jump to content
  • Welcome to the TransPulse Forums!

    We offer a safe, inclusive community for transgender and gender non-conforming folks, as well as their loved ones, to find support and information.  Join today!

Non-binary


Iris C

Recommended Posts

It's been 5 weeks since I have been living as a woman pretty much full time and I have loved the beautiful woman that I have found inside. My thoughts up to now have been, well regardless the difficulty, I must transition. 

 

One of those first steps is to be diagnosed with gender dysphoria, so I have been trying to self evaluate before starting. Red flags that pop up for me are I have seldom been depressed in my life, I am not a woman in my dreams, I don't mind being called male, I have never been confused as being a woman and I don't mind going to male bathrooms.

 

So based on this communities understanding would I fail that test, and am I instead gender fluid or non-binary?

 

I think I might be 60-70% woman. I have little interest in traditional male conversations and activities. At first living as a woman was erotic (shamefully admitted)  but now dressing feels more natural than wearing men's clothes, I enjoy taking time for shaving and makeup, I love the feel of long hair (wig), I find feminine gestures and movements are becoming second nature and I am far more at peace as femme.

 

Any insights would be like gold to me.

Link to comment
  • Admin

Hon, i wouldn't worry to much about the list of items to check off to determine if you are trans.  What matters is what you feel, and who you feel you are or want to be.  Being trans isn't a test one must pass to "graduate" to the next level.  It does sound to me like you fall under the transgender "umbrella."

 

I don't know if they have gender therapists in South Africa, or if they do, how hard they are to find.  But if you can find one, i strongly suggest you make an appointment.  They can answer a lot of questions for you, and get to know you a lot better than we can here.  But in the meantime, we'll do whatever we can to be of service.

 

HUGS

 

Carolyn Marie

Link to comment
  • Forum Moderator
2 hours ago, James2Her said:

At first living as a woman was erotic (shamefully admitted)  but now dressing feels more natural than wearing men's clothes, I enjoy taking time for shaving and makeup, I love the feel of long hair (wig), I find feminine gestures and movements are becoming second nature and I am far more at peace as femme.

Welcome @James2Her! It’s a pleasure to meet you. I’m glad you’re becoming more acclimated to how you feel inside with presentation, gestures, voice, or what have you. Living authentically is so freeing. I wouldn’t worry too much about percentages of female vs. male or labels for that matter.  It’s a neat concept to explain what’s going on inside us but it’s not an exact science. You’re most likely somewhere in between the two ends of the gender spectrum and where may not be as important down the road. Some of our members enjoy one end for awhile and then the opposite end of the other depending on the day, their mood or whatever. Others in our community are in one location on the spectrum and feel comfortable right where they are. What’s good is that you're becoming more comfortable expressing how you feel and accepting yourself no matter where you land on that spectrum. 

 

Well, I hope to read more about you and your journey as you familiarize yourself with the forum and the members here. I’m happy you joined us.

 

Warmest Regards,

Susan R?

Link to comment

Welcome @James2Her! You're describing many of the feelings I had embarking on this journey exploring my gender. The caring & accepting people on this forum have been wonderful in helping me by sharing their experiences & advice. An awesome gender therapist has been terrific as well. In waiting to meet with my therapist I worked/ am working some gender identity workbooks: My New Gender Workbook by Kate Bornstein & You & Your Gender Identity by Dara Hoffman Fox. The latter is also on YouTube. You may find them helpful as well. I'm glad you're here!

 

Hugs!

Delcina

Link to comment

Hi @James2Her

 

Welcome to TransPulse. While I still live socially as male, I fit much of what you said about yourself. I was diagnosed and got the required 2 letters for gender dysphoria. I consider myself gender fluid, which is non binary. The label doesn't really matter, just as Carolyn mentioned. I also agree it would be good for you to talk to a gender therapist.

 

Hugs,

Mike

Link to comment

Hi @James2Her! It's nice to meet you & welcome! 

 

I don't believe it is the case that all trans people experience dysphoria. Moreover, I've read that that criterion may be construed as a type of gatekeeping by some medical professionals under certain conditions. Further, I read on this forum that there is a new paradigm emerging which indicates that gender euphoria on experiencing some aspect of your affirmed identity (whatever that may be...) may be a stronger indicator of transness. I think it's great that more credence is being paid to people's positive experiences. 

Link to comment
On 7/13/2021 at 6:50 AM, Carolyn Marie said:

Hon, i wouldn't worry to much about the list of items to check off to determine if you are trans.  What matters is what you feel, and who you feel you are or want to be.  Being trans isn't a test one must pass to "graduate" to the next level.  It does sound to me like you fall under the transgender "umbrella."

 

I don't know if they have gender therapists in South Africa, or if they do, how hard they are to find.  But if you can find one, i strongly suggest you make an appointment.  They can answer a lot of questions for you, and get to know you a lot better than we can here.  But in the meantime, we'll do whatever we can to be of service.

 

HUGS

 

Carolyn Marie

 

On 7/13/2021 at 7:00 AM, Susan R said:

Welcome @James2Her! It’s a pleasure to meet you. I’m glad you’re becoming more acclimated to how you feel inside with presentation, gestures, voice, or what have you. Living authentically is so freeing. I wouldn’t worry too much about percentages of female vs. male or labels for that matter.  It’s a neat concept to explain what’s going on inside us but it’s not an exact science. You’re most likely somewhere in between the two ends of the gender spectrum and where may not be as important down the road. Some of our members enjoy one end for awhile and then the opposite end of the other depending on the day, their mood or whatever. Others in our community are in one location on the spectrum and feel comfortable right where they are. What’s good is that you're becoming more comfortable expressing how you feel and accepting yourself no matter where you land on that spectrum. 

 

Well, I hope to read more about you and your journey as you familiarize yourself with the forum and the members here. I’m happy you joined us.

 

Warmest Regards,

Susan R?

Hi Susan. Thank you for the welcome and for the insight. No labels make sense so early on. On one hand I are breaking free from male and female, but then the temptation is to immediately classify myself as another!

 

Living authentically is wonderful since my family have accepted that, but I realize it is not easy for them. My children not wanting to bring friends over and especially my wife who I have asked to be open to either me just being en femme at home or transitioning if I choose. It is a mental challenge where you feel something deep inside but you find yourself looking in the mirror, and saying "oh my word, look at how you look, what are you doing?"

Link to comment
On 7/13/2021 at 6:50 AM, Carolyn Marie said:

Hon, i wouldn't worry to much about the list of items to check off to determine if you are trans.  What matters is what you feel, and who you feel you are or want to be.  Being trans isn't a test one must pass to "graduate" to the next level.  It does sound to me like you fall under the transgender "umbrella."

 

I don't know if they have gender therapists in South Africa, or if they do, how hard they are to find.  But if you can find one, i strongly suggest you make an appointment.  They can answer a lot of questions for you, and get to know you a lot better than we can here.  But in the meantime, we'll do whatever we can to be of service.

 

HUGS

 

Carolyn Marie

Thank you Carolyn. I guess there could well be compensating reasons for each of these, for example not going to female toilets, since I am self aware enough to realize thats not how I present myself and to do otherwise would cause people distress. 

 

Thank you for the advise on a therapist. It doesn't appear as if there are any in my province, but I will be approaching some general practitioners to see what they advise. Also, for insight, surgical procedures are heavily limited in South Africa with only one hospital doing them with apparently a 25 year waiting list!

Link to comment
  • Forum Moderator
4 hours ago, James2Her said:

Also, for insight, surgical procedures are heavily limited in South Africa with only one hospital doing them with apparently a 25 year waiting list!

 

You wouldn't be the first girl to go to Taiwan to get her surgery taken care of. Medical tourism is absolutely a thing.

 

Hugs!

Link to comment
5 hours ago, James2Her said:

 

Thank you for the advise on a therapist. It doesn't appear as if there are any in my province, but I will be approaching some general practitioners to see what they advise.

 

I was just searching for a gender therapist (in my state in the US) a couple days ago and noticed that many I came across offer remote sessions. One silver lining of the pandemic is that more health practitioners have embraced this modality not just as a contingency, but as a normal mode of access. If there are no specialized therapists in your province, maybe you can find one based elsewhere who offers remote sessions? Just a possible option. 

Link to comment

First, thanks so much for starting this thread. Your descriptions and your states of mind describe my own quite accurately.

My GT gave me an identifying description from another of her clients -- "Gender Expansive." It's a little bit of wry humor, but it carries a lot of truth, at least for me.

Here's a few online resources:

You Tube > Dr. Z PhD. She's a GT from LA, with many helpful videos.

You Tube > "The Transition Channel" Another GT w. many You Tube discussions

This forum > Browse. Virtually no subject left untouched.

www.Susan's Place. An older forum like this one, with even more subjects. This forum evolved from Susan's Place, as I understand it.

And for the best transgender medical advice anywhere online, See https://transcare.ucsf.edu/welcome-0.

 

I am exactly in the same boat as you, my friend. Nearly identical evolution to present place -- "confused." I also prefer femme attire, my big dysphoria is triggered by the ugly reflection in the mirror, but unlike you, I'm old as dirt: > 2x your age. I really have no desire to be an "Little Old Lady." So I dress how I want, and try not to fulminate too much at the mirror.

Your post doesn't say, but if you have a desire to stop drinking, see tgAA, an online AA meeting which centers around all varieties of trans folk, like me. Go to your email server > [email protected]. Our group screens out homophobes and such other riff-raff.

 

Again, thanks so much for starting a thread with exactly the info I also need.

~~A great big hug, from Lee~~

 

 

 

Link to comment
On 7/14/2021 at 7:12 PM, Lee H said:

First, thanks so much for starting this thread. Your descriptions and your states of mind describe my own quite accurately.

My GT gave me an identifying description from another of her clients -- "Gender Expansive." It's a little bit of wry humor, but it carries a lot of truth, at least for me.

Here's a few online resources:

You Tube > Dr. Z PhD. She's a GT from LA, with many helpful videos.

You Tube > "The Transition Channel" Another GT w. many You Tube discussions

This forum > Browse. Virtually no subject left untouched.

www.Susan's Place. An older forum like this one, with even more subjects. This forum evolved from Susan's Place, as I understand it.

And for the best transgender medical advice anywhere online, See https://transcare.ucsf.edu/welcome-0.

 

I am exactly in the same boat as you, my friend. Nearly identical evolution to present place -- "confused." I also prefer femme attire, my big dysphoria is triggered by the ugly reflection in the mirror, but unlike you, I'm old as dirt: > 2x your age. I really have no desire to be an "Little Old Lady." So I dress how I want, and try not to fulminate too much at the mirror.

Your post doesn't say, but if you have a desire to stop drinking, see tgAA, an online AA meeting which centers around all varieties of trans folk, like me. Go to your email server > [email protected]. Our group screens out homophobes and such other riff-raff.

 

Again, thanks so much for starting a thread with exactly the info I also need.

~~A great big hug, from Lee~~

 

 

 

Hi Lee, pleased to meet you and thanks for the links to the resources. I have watched a number of Dr Zs videos and she is really good!

 

You dont look over 102 in your photo, but makeup can do amazing things!

 

I find it interesting you say you dont want to be a little old lady but one of the things that has driven me now at this stage of my life, is I dont want to be an old man! They just look so boring. I guess it also ties into what you are saying of maybe trying to stay young at heart.  

 

Thanks again for your input.

 

Link to comment

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!

Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.

Sign In Now
  • Who's Online   6 Members, 0 Anonymous, 117 Guests (See full list)

    • April Marie
    • Mealaini
    • Abigail Genevieve
    • VickySGV
    • KathyLauren
    • Ashley0616
  • Recently Browsing   0 members

    • No registered users viewing this page.
  • Forum Statistics

    • Total Topics
      80.7k
    • Total Posts
      769.5k
  • Member Statistics

    • Total Members
      12,067
    • Most Online
      8,356

    autumn hill
    Newest Member
    autumn hill
    Joined
  • Today's Birthdays

    1. Caridad
      Caridad
    2. Certbunnie
      Certbunnie
      (25 years old)
    3. EstherElle
      EstherElle
      (43 years old)
    4. Juliet
      Juliet
      (43 years old)
    5. MelissaAndProudOfIt
      MelissaAndProudOfIt
      (59 years old)
  • Posts

    • VickySGV
      @FelixThePickleManI and at least 3 or 4 others here on the Forums are in recovery (a couple of us over 15 years) from drugs and alcohol. Any drug, legal or not so, including abused prescription drugs (me) is potentially addictive and you need some help and uplift to break that cycle.  At first you do feel better by using your substance of choice, I know I did, but the substance takes over our lives, because for us they are cunning, baffling and POWERFUL and too much for us to control.  It was during my recovery from my alcohol and drug abuse that I first fully and with a lot of fear, but a desire to be honest came out to a group that actually turned out to be wholly supportive both of my recovery and encouraging me to get into things that would forward me toward my Transition.  Let us help you feel better about yourself without the substance since without the substance you can actually meet the challenges you face to become the best self you can be.  The goal is to like yourself every day without the false gods that chemicals can become, because they want to destroy us not help us live. We deserve to be happy and able to work and live our lives. PM me if you need some one-on-one and do the same with the others who will respond to you here.  A choral group I am part of sang a song in a concert last week that tells us that we Trans are OK and great, it is the people in the village around us that are the real grief in our lives, but here you are in  a village on-line that will support you.  
    • Vidanjali
      I can only imagine what your early life experience was like. It's very weird when children's bodies are treated as property of their parents and not really their own. Certainly children don't have agency to make major life decisions. But parents operating covertly doesn't seem to be entirely sensible. I'm sure there was a lot of fear on the part of your parents, and perhaps/probably even coercion by medical professionals. But what is your relationship like with your parents now, if they are still living or in your life? 
    • Vidanjali
      Hello & welcome, @Ladypcnj. That's great you're involved in several online communities. Reaching out to connect with others is a gift for all involved. 
    • FelixThePickleMan
      My mom found a vape of mine and this is the third time. I hid it out in the garage but she found it because I looked suspicious and now shes mad at me again which makes sense but she told me not to bring it in the house so I figured the garage was okay. But I know I should just stop but its something that I enjoy doing. I do it with my buddies and I do it alone. The one she found was a different, typically I have weed but today I had nic, but still, I know I should quit. Not because it's bad for me but because its hurting the relationship that I barley have with my mother and that's tough but for some reason I want to have my cake a and eat it too, but that isn't possible. I finally understand that phrase now, well I already understood it but now I really understand because I'm living it. and with that my mom most likely will pull me out of the school that I'm at now because that's when I started, this year. I've always had an interest in weed the way I have an interest of anything else. To me it's no different than the other things I'm interested in but this just happens to be a drug. I know I should quit I know it's wrong and I know that I'm choosing to do it, because I like it and I think in order for me to stop is to not like it anymore otherwise I most likely will continue. I know its sad but unfortunately it is true I know I'll have to quit before I go in the Marines so maybe I'll stop then. I smoke because I don't have anything else to do initially but now I smoke because I don't have anything to do and I  like it. Even when I did basketball I still was high, and I still played in fact I played better. I do everything better when I'm high I'm like a better version of myself, I can let go and let the me on the inside show on the outside with no fear, my creativity flows like Niagara falls just a contunious stream of creative output and innovative ideas that leave a good impression on others. I'm better to be around when high. I like myself better when I'm high.
    • Adrianna Danielle
      This neighbor's friend,luckily my health insurance covered it.Luckily my vehicles,house and shop are smoke free.
    • Abigail Genevieve
      @VickySGV    Good point.  There are websites full of porn and fantasies related to cross dressing, trans stories, etc., and people might easily think those are written by TG types and accurately describe TG folk.
    • VickySGV
      No one has mentioned the Adult Entertainment Industry aka the Pornography Industry which for too long was the ONLY source of information about us for the general public.  I actually realized what I was from an XX Rated publication that I snuck behind a comic book at the neighborhood convenience / liquor store.  The person in the article told of her feelings up until and through GCS which I identified with completely, but then went on to the sob story of a marriage crashing when her knowing husband went to a new job and they found out she was Trans on a security check and threatened the husband with legal action unless he divorced her ---  yada yada!!   On that note she decided her  life was ruined. --    Other problems in the Porn Press are of course the "Morality" and it is there that child endangerment stories for actual mental illness types  comes in.  Also in that media they emphasize the Fetishistic Cross Dresser classification which is an actual addiction situation and is a harmful process addiction of sex that is as terrible as Drug and Alcohol Addiction can be.  The pornographic issues and sources of information are readily available in the opening pages of a Google Search while actual Trans information is about page 200 on the engine.   A recent misadventure I had that shows how acceptable I am as my True Self is that a man who claimed to be a church elder (minister??) told me how he had never come up with legitimate information   on Trans People and actual Trans Children and he went on to brag about what he did find that was morally damning by looking for the  information.  He continued to go into detail about other pornographic sources and how nasty they were. I asked him then why HE, a MINISTER kept looking at the Porn.  He replied to me that he kept up with it to warn his congregation of the true evils he had seen so he could minister to them.  Happily for me a friend of mine came along so I could  break away from the guy who was after my soul.  (He did not read me as Trans, whew!!)
    • Ashley0616
      Just like anything else that is new it's always the thing that people fear of. People are typically afraid of change. Even something as simple as new procedure at work or the population growing. Typically just have the mindset of it's not broken then don't fix it type of attitude. The world is progressing and they need to accept that or they will eventually be left behind. A good example after WW II women working in the workforce things didn't go well at all due to a lot of butting heads. There are still even people now that think women are only meant for housework and raising babies. 
    • RaineOnYourParade
      I've actually seen a lot of people who at least tolerate the LGB and not the T. There's also some of the gay/lesbian population that, unfortunately, alienate trans people away from other parts of the community.   To me, the biggest block is probably the lack of formal exposure. If people aren't taught about LGBT they will, just like any other topic, come to misunderstandings and more. Besides, how can most LGBT people figure out that they are such if they don't know it exists? I know that, personally, I didn't realize I was a guy rather than just someone who wanted to be a guy until I was introduced to trans as a concept 
    • Ashley0616
      You're welcome. I wanted to post something new that I haven't posted yet.   
    • Ashley0616
      That's a lot of weight congratulations. I was almost about to become a K9 handler in the Air Force back in 2006 but I found out that once you get promoted to E7 you lose your dog. You can get it at E4 as long as they need them but it is usually E5. If you don't understand military jargon, I'll help you out. I didn't want to join the Marines because I actually like to be treated better. I was Security Forces and performed security, law enforcement and everything you could think of such as convoying, fire fights, search pit just to name some. It also helped that I had family that was Air Force and I went through Air Force Junior Reserves Officer Training Corps so I knew the basics of Air Force already. That's awesome that you have goals in life. I hope you get it. 
    • Davie
      Not sure what category I'd call this—don't care—I like American music. Any American. Thanks, @Ashley0616
    • Ashley0616
      @FelixThePickleManTrust me I know the feeling. I didn't have the guts to come out that young. It wasn't well known back then. I knew I felt completely wrong. I knew for sure my parents weren't going to help me so I hid it all. It hurt a lot to live a lie. I always pretended to be the female that I was dating. I prayed and cried every night. It's not easy because bullying has always been around and the teachers didn't really care about that stuff back then.    You can make it through this. I would like to help you out just like I have with previous members. It's going to be up to you if you would like it. It's not going to happen overnight I can promise you that. For every negative thing or comment it typically needs double the number for positive things to feel better about yourself. You unfortunately are living with your parents which they are getting used to you coming out too. Sometimes coming out you're going to lose a lot of support. I lost over 40 family members but I'm happier than what I was. I still look at the mirror and still have my issues which is typical because we know our own faults and short comings. You have to value yourself. There isn't going to be an easy life. We all face many obstacles and it's harder for the ones that have something else to deal with.   We aren't in the same boat as some people are in yachts, cruise ships, and so on. There are perks and cons to each one. The best thing is to find something that you are great at and focus on that while trying to improve on the little things. Some have rituals everyday such as a new Bible verse that is related to what you are going through or a poem there are many poems for everything. 
    • Mmindy
      G'day @Vivelacors   Welcome to Transgender Pulse Forums, I hope you find this place as informative and helpful as I do.   Best wishes, stay positive, and safe,   Mindy🌈🐛🏳️‍⚧️🦋
    • Mmindy
      Tonight we will split a thick cut ribeye steak grilled outside, along with fresh asparagus shoots, apple sauce, and fresh cucumber salad. The steak has already been seasoned, wrapped in butcher paper resting to room temperature. The cucumber salad is blended and resting in the refrigerator.   Tomorrow's dinner will be Chicken drumsticks (skin on) that are already marinating in Zesty Italian dressing. Tomorrow I will smoke the drumsticks with apple-wood smoke, before crisping them up on the grill. We'll also have grilling beans, and garlic mashed potatoes.   The outside kitchen is now open.   Mindy🌈🐛🏳️‍⚧️🦋
  • Upcoming Events

Contact TransPulse

TransPulse can be contacted in the following ways:

Email: Click Here.

To report an error on this page.

Legal

Your use of this site is subject to the following rules and policies, whether you have read them or not.

Terms of Use
Privacy Policy
DMCA Policy
Community Rules

Hosting

Upstream hosting for TransPulse provided by QnEZ.

Sponsorship

Special consideration for TransPulse is kindly provided by The Breast Form Store.
×
×
  • Create New...