Coming out to my mother as FTM

[M is my Name]

Hello all! I'm new hear and I'm not used to posting on forums so go easy on me. 

I'm 17 years old and have somewhat recently come to grasp that I'm a man.
Sometime last month I came out to my mother.  She's a very far-left person and largely supportive of the LGBTQ+ community. That being said, she is older, so while me being bisexual was no problem for her to understand, she still doesn't really get trans issues at all. At first, I was shocked with how quickly she accepted me. She seemed very on board, telling me she was glad I came out to her. Having very little others in my family who would accept me this quickly (or at all), I was overjoyed. 

It's been about a month since then. She doesn't seem to enjoy talking to me about these issues anymore. She's very supportive of me discussing this with a doctor. At first, I thought it was because she was excited for me to get on HRT. However, honestly, I think she's hoping the doctor's reject my requests for HRT. 

I've come to the realization that she never took me seriously in the first place. This has been the biggest struggle of mine since coming out to more people. They just, don't believe me. I understand their concerns, I am young after all. But I wish they would have just a little more faith in me. I have a long history of depression, eating disorders, and generally awful self-esteem. My mom seems to think this is my ACTUAL problem, and that I just THINK transitioning will solve it for me. When I told her I wanted a breast reduction, she was nothing but supportive. I've always had pretty large breasts, and my mom has never been a fan. She thinks they sexualize me too much. I just want them off for the obvious reasons of, men don't typically have big boobs. But I think she's only supportive of me getting breast reduction because she doesn't like my breasts as is, and not because it would really help me. When I mention things like testosterone however, she's much less supportive. 

I knew it wouldn't be easy, but I guess her initial reaction really got my hopes up. I feel betrayed. I'm not just depressed. I'm not just self-conscious. I'm a man. 

Has anyone else struggled with this kind of experience? Is there any hope that my mother, or ANYONE for that matter will take me seriously?

[VickySGV]

Welcome to the Forums.  You are talking of months and days here to being out with your mother, and I have to warn you that that is nowhere long enough for this sort of thing,  No matter how accepting your mother is, it has taken her years to get where she is on liberality and none of it included YOU being Trans.  This is an upset to her, and yes she may hope you will be talked out of it, but in time she will come around after she does some soul searching and gains an inner peace.  You say you have been on a long journey to where you are, hers is just beginning in many ways.  For a bit let her come around in her time.  We accept you here and you can talk to us while that all happens.  You make it sound like both of your are on track to have this work.

[Susan R]

Welcome @M is my Name, It’s a pleasure to have you among our ranks.

 

5 hours ago, M is my Name said:

I've come to the realization that she never took me seriously in the first place. This has been the biggest struggle of mine since coming out to more people. They just, don't believe me.

I wouldn’t necessarily assume your mother (and others perhaps) aren’t taking you seriously at the time when you come out. I think they may understand what you’ve stated on a surface level of understanding. I’ve seen this pattern way too many times and know that in many cases they don’t realize the magnitude of the change, the huge ramifications to your presentation, their comfort level, your future concerning children, spouse, and your job. I have experienced pull-back in several initial coming out experiences. I believe it also has to do in some situations that those they confide in are weighing in and bringing to their attentions their own views of this revelation. It’s likely very shortly after she received the news, thought about what it meant, discussed it with others, she realized her whole life paradigm would change in regards to you in her life. This shift can influence heavily the people whom with you’ve shared your story. As @VickySGV stated…

4 hours ago, VickySGV said:

that is nowhere long enough for this sort of thing,  No matter how accepting your mother is, it has taken her years to get where she is on liberality and none of it included YOU being Trans.

And I agree with this. You will need to give her more time. I have personally seen complete reversals a year or two after coming out. My middle daughter (37) was “extremely affirming” initially then pulled back for a year to what I would consider “accepting with conditions” but is now happy and completely affirming today. My oldest daughter (40) was initially “indifferent” but two years later, we do everything together and is a huge ally now. My youngest daughter (33) is the exception as she was initially accepting but a few months later, sank into depression and has cut off my wife and I completely. Two years later…no change there so it’s not all fun and games..it hurts sometimes. However, that has been the ONLY back spot in my coming out experiences and I’ve come out to several dozen family members, friends, neighbors, in the last couple years.

 

This revelation affects people in different ways. The one pattern I’ve seen in the caring people close to me that I’ve come out to is an ever increasing understanding of what it means to be transgender. It takes time and patience to wait for them to catch up with us. Don’t lose hope based on initial reactions because they usually change and evolve.

 

Warmest Regards,

Susan R?

[M is my Name]

I think I understand now, thank you so much for the help. I should start thinking of it as a journey for both of us to overcome, since I think having a trans son is almost just as life changing as me coming out as a trans man. I might have been too harsh on her earlier, and I really hope with time she'll come to see how much this would benefit, not harm me.