So I guess I'm out now....

[Aylamac]

Hi I'm Ayla. I've only posted a few times, so for those who may not know:

- I am married with 2 kids

- I am a member of the US Air Force

- up until a couple weeks ago, I was firmly in the closet

 

My hesitance on coming out was more so telling my wife and family, not the military aspect. I am currently surrounded by great peers and leaders and I feel relatively safe in eventually coming out at work and transitioning. You can now serve openly as transgender and there are even provisions for in-service transitions for those diagnosed with gender dysphoria. 

 

So a couple of weeks ago I came home from lunch and my wife wanted to talk. It was urgent. I'm not sure what made her feel the need to go looking through this specific notebook, but she found something I had written a few months back about my gender identity. Just sort of me getting thoughts out of my head. She asked and I came clean. And that was it. One step out of the closet.

 

She has made it pretty clear that if I transition, she may not be able to stay with me. Which I don't fault her for. She married a man. She didn't ask for this. But she also made it clear that she wouldn't hate me if i did, which is good. I had no idea what to expect when i told her, so considering how she found out, things could have been much worse.

 

Fast forward to the present and now that the first hurdle has been cleared, I'm finding it much easier to keep going. I've got some momentum. I came out to someone I know here on base who has made it clear in the past that she is a safe person to come out to. I can not overstate how good it felt, how liberating it was to have someone sitting there face to face, and tell me that what I was feeling was valid. I was valid. There wasn't anything wrong with me. Just to know I had that kind of support made my next step that much easier.

 

I have my first appointment on November 29th (earliest they had) so that I can begin talking with a therapist and start getting the ball rolling towards transition. To say that I'm excited is an understatement. I'm hoping that I can be an example for other military folks who are afraid to come out. That's why I'm planning to document as much as I can. Maybe start a blog or a YouTube channel, I'm not sure. I just know im feeling called to share my experience with the world.

 

I know that this has been a very long post. So thank you so much if you've made it this far. I can't wait to become a larger part of this community.

[Aggie1]

3 hours ago, Aylamac said:

You can now serve openly as transgender and there are even provisions for in-service transitions for those diagnosed with gender dysphoria. 

welcome to the group and congratulations on you forward momentum!
 

I’m ex-AF, 78-90. Any hint was the kiss of death in the units I served in. Last tour at HQ USAFE in Ramstein. Of course no matter how hard you try, there are subtle cues people pick up on. Sometimes it’s not even what you say, it’s what you don’t say.

 

Really glad to hear that the military has confronted reality. It probably took a generation to die out first. It’s likely there were too many article 15s for conduct unbecoming, that sort of thing, to justify a more rapid deployment. 

I think the announcement of Dr Renee ?? as the first female four star the other day will help solidify it.

 

 

 

 

[Aylamac]

I can't imagine what it would have been like to serve then. Those of us still serving really are fortunate in that regard. I really started planning all this out after they lifted the ban earlier this year. With how drastically things seem to change between administrations now, and of course not knowing what any future administration may look like, I figured now was my chance to do something before they changed their minds. 

[Mattie Michele]

Hopefully things have been going well with your transition. I saw this post and realized I wasnt the only one going through this kind of situation. 

I am active Army and married with 2 kids as well. 

Coming out to the family was very hard. My wife had clues for a while but the actual conversation was similar to yours that you stated. Things are ok and they could have been much worse.

I am glad you have some personal at work that are not judgmental and are very accepting. It honestly makes a huge difference having people in the workplace that you can be completely open with. 

 

Hopefully things are going well with the counselor and everything else. 

 

Mattie