Jump to content
  • Welcome to the TransPulse Forums!

    We offer a safe, inclusive community for transgender and gender non-conforming folks, as well as their loved ones, to find support and information.  Join today!

my backstory <3


Meiruru

Recommended Posts

Hello again you lovely people ❤️ , my name is Lisa , I'm 33 years old, MtF transgender doing the first steps to transition and finally enjoying my life
i am from Mexico , been having gender dysphoria since i was 12 hiding it all my life due to fears and huge ignorance in my country , i have sisters and i used to cross-dress in secret since then , I've been always geeky and since i had the knowledge and resources to use computers i started to be myself in internet to have some peace of mind i was happy for years living a dual life and to be completely honest that helped me preparing myself to have some empathy and gaining little by little knowledge like learning English and educating myself for work and the future, I've been always into videogames so my first experience was in a massive multiplayer online rpg game ,creating my character and little and expressing myself as a girl , i was completely unaware of Gender identities at that time and that's where the first hump of the road was starting to develop thanks to ignorance and awful education in my country about these topics  as i moved in life i was doing the same thing to keep myself motivated , and making excuses for it , i was really happy as a girl but that didn't translated well to real life where for my narrow mindset  was male or female , but the thing is i wasn't attracted to male and by the age of 21 i started being depressive , wishing all nights that i could wake up as a girl and live my life , asking for miracles , that never happened , after one big depression i just braced myself and just repress my desires and tried to be what society wanted me to be : my assigned gender at birth that never worked , never fitted that role because i felt different and life stopped making sense , so i just couldn't justify my existence due to ignorance on my part where i only could see black or white , so i kept doing my dual life as time moved on i was just floating in limbo on my life having an impossible dream and asking myself why and loosing self love and fading more and more in depression , i have few friends in real life and they helped me cope with depression but in the end i kept my secret only for myself , some years passed and i started crossdressing for Halloween as a tradition and ironically it was "real me outfit" always in my mind , so at this stage in life i was always trying to fill the void learning new skills and keeping myself busy and buying things to distract myself of depression , in 2015 i started crossdressing more and doing game livestreams in secret from friends and family and that's where i learned about Gender identities  and that when the biggest confusion in my life started since i was crossdressing since childhood to fill somewhat the void of being myself , but i never liked my body and it was really hard connecting myself with the reflection i saw on a mirror all my life and the biggest eye opener was when i did my game livestreams , hearing my transformed voice , seeing myself as a girl in the camera feed , it all clicked in and after learning about Gender identities and my identity was little by little starting to make sense but there was a piece missing and this lead to my biggest depression due again to ignorance and narrow mindset , the missing piece of the puzzle , all my life felt like a girl trapped in a male body but i didn't liked male's and probably due ignorance or my obsession of being a girl but i was so narrow minded that i couldn't see it , more time passed and again i was trying to find the last piece of the puzzle fearing i was insane , then i realized it after some nights reading and asking myself more and more , that i was a trans girl non-binary and at that time i felt real for the first time and finally accepted myself in 2020 kept it in secret and again fell into depression because fears and deception for my family and friends for lying most of my life and i kept it as secret for more time till one day after some family problems i just gave up , i just stopped thinking and thought to myself maybe next life , ill just  end this misery and starting thinking about suicide , so i started distancing of everyone and got what i needed to make it happen , after contemplating what looked to be my final act and just ready to start i just started crying for what i thought it was hours , i asked myself , what can be worse than just dying without even trying , if i was ready for this i can just be truth to myself and everyone else , im in the rock bottom the only way is up , next day i came out for my family and friends and it was the best choice i made in my life and since then i felt like dropping a boulder of my back and couldn't feel more alive and very excited about my future ? .

Life may be short but it’s still the longest thing you’ll ever do
Love -Lisa

Link to comment

Bienvenidos, Meiruru,

You're certainly welcome here. I'm but ten months into my transition and it sometimes feels like much longer because of the changes I've accomplished. Your English is terrific, by the way. Mucho mejor que mi español. I lived in Mexico for four months once—and I loved it there, mostly in La Ciudad de México. Living in another culture was like trying on a new set of clothes (or another gender of clothes). I learned a lot about it and about myself. I've found another sort of home here, welcoming and giving me a culture to learn about myself. Enjoy yourself, ask questions. We're here to help. 

Salud,

Davie

Link to comment
1 hour ago, Davie said:

Bienvenidos, Meiruru,

You're certainly welcome here. I'm but ten months into my transition and it sometimes feels like much longer because of the changes I've accomplished. Your English is terrific, by the way. Mucho mejor que mi español. I lived in Mexico for four months once—and I loved it there, mostly in La Ciudad de México. Living in another culture was like trying on a new set of clothes (or another gender of clothes). I learned a lot about it and about myself. I've found another sort of home here, welcoming and giving me a culture to learn about myself. Enjoy yourself, ask questions. We're here to help. 

Salud,

Davie

Thank you for your kind words ? and yes! i do agree! living in another culture is certainly as you say! there's a lot to learn from everyone also kudos ! living in la Ciudad the Mexico(or D.F. for short) is very hard! im from the north! Monterrey Nuevo Leon as busy as the df but lighter since is huge , 10 months in your transition wow! ill be starting (fingers crossed) next week!

Salud y gracias ^^ , muchisima suerte en tu transicion y mis mejores deseos! estare viendo el foro para informarme un poco mas durante mi transicion y evitar sorpresas ahaha

Link to comment
  • Forum Moderator
14 hours ago, Meiruru said:

im in the rock bottom the only way is up , next day i came out for my family and friends and it was the best choice i made in my life and since then i felt like dropping a boulder of my back and couldn't feel more alive and very excited about my future ?

Welcome Lisa, It’s a real pleasure to meet you and reading your now continuing success story was awesome. I empathize with so much of your story. It’s not uncommon for many of us in our community to go through many of these same life stages. I had two similar “life changing” moments that caused me to start on the road to transition. Like you, it was the best thing I ever did.

 

From my perspective and be based on the back story you presented here, you will be much happier living your authentic life. It’s never too late for that. I am glad you found us here and hope to read more about you and your upcoming transition milestones. Others here need to read how it’s possible to overcome all odds like you did and that it is possible to get past a lifetime of denial and suppression. Many Congrats, Lisa!!

 

Warmest Regards,

Susan R?

Link to comment

Yo vivó en D.F. en el año sesenta y ocho durante Los Olympicos—un tiempo mucho mas viejo de ahora. Change seemed easy then. Not so much now. This week I finish apartment renovations, finding a housemate who's trans friendly, and launching a new business. That's why I'm up too late—spinning in anxiety. Changes—ugh.

Learning to love myself. Also hard.

Salud,

Davie

Link to comment
7 hours ago, Susan R said:

Welcome Lisa, It’s a real pleasure to meet you and reading your now continuing success story was awesome. I empathize with so much of your story. It’s not uncommon for many of us in our community to go through many of these same life stages. I had two similar “life changing” moments that caused me to start on the road to transition. Like you, it was the best thing I ever did.

 

From my perspective and be based on the back story you presented here, you will be much happier living your authentic life. It’s never too late for that. I am glad you found us here and hope to read more about you and your upcoming transition milestones. Others here need to read how it’s possible to overcome all odds like you did and that it is possible to get past a lifetime of denial and suppression. Many Congrats, Lisa!!

 

Warmest Regards,

Susan R?

Thank you Susan for your kind words ❤️ ill try to make some updates on my transition , very excited to get starting next week ❤️  

Link to comment
3 hours ago, Davie said:

Yo vivó en D.F. en el año sesenta y ocho durante Los Olympicos—un tiempo mucho mas viejo de ahora. Change seemed easy then. Not so much now. This week I finish apartment renovations, finding a housemate who's trans friendly, and launching a new business. That's why I'm up too late—spinning in anxiety. Changes—ugh.

Learning to love myself. Also hard.

Salud,

Davie

mucha suerte! y que todo salga bien en tu negocio y tu busqueda de roomie ? gotta love the changes! ahaha but i get you sometimes is a bummer xD im moving out soon too and i get you its a bit tedous xD
Salud!

Link to comment

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!

Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.

Sign In Now
  • Who's Online   5 Members, 0 Anonymous, 50 Guests (See full list)

    • KathyLauren
    • Red_Lauren.
    • Jamey
    • Vidanjali
    • WillowA113
  • Recently Browsing   0 members

    • No registered users viewing this page.
  • Forum Statistics

    • Total Topics
      76.7k
    • Total Posts
      719.7k
  • Member Statistics

    • Total Members
      9,599
    • Most Online
      8,356

    Mara.something
    Newest Member
    Mara.something
    Joined
  • Today's Birthdays

    1. dragonette
      dragonette
    2. Mar
      Mar
      (33 years old)
    3. Tetris
      Tetris
      (25 years old)
    4. TJ
      TJ
    5. vectorlol
      vectorlol
  • Posts

    • Hannah Renee
      I remember tentatively stepping out, looking around and behind me as I went back in. Keep up the small steps. They'll turn into bigger and bigger ones as you gain confidence. Now I feel like I stick out like a sore thumb if I'm not dressed as me.
    • Hannah Renee
      You look awesome.
    • Hannah Renee
      Still don't drink coffee. My normal suppliers of caffeine, C-C & MD, are not presently at hand, but my vitamin water is. Had a couple of emotional pick-me-ups today (in addition to those I got here), and they were much needed on an in-person level. First, I went to return an item at Kohl's (only in person returns), which worked out nicely. The nice lady at the return counter was teaching another nice lady the ins and outs of the process. Thrice, she unhesitatingly referred to me as "she."    Secondly, as I was on my walk, I ended up passing three women, two maybe 30ish or so, the other a teen. We greeted as I passed, then one of them said something about legs. Then the other adult one said, "She's got legs." The word "legs" drawn out for emphasis. Yeah, that perked me up!
    • SheenaT
      You are beautiful and I agree men can be really insensitive pigs!
    • SheenaT
    • Red_Lauren.
      Thanks. My hair lady, and a former boss also said the same thing about the top. As for him saying he's sorry. He's a manly man. I know im never going to get a sorry from him. Even I knew as a man. If I said some thing stupid to woman in my past life. Hey everyone dose. I would say im sorry. As for saying I'm ugly. I can take being called ugly. I'm not that sensitive, but when I'm being compared to two men doing drag. That is what pissed me off.  Yep. I worked with a lot of men in my life. There has been many times. That they have said stupid stuff, and I have said how are you married.  Can be?  He really not a bad looking man. Again not my type. He dose treat woman with respect for the most part. I'll give him that. Like you said. He just says stupid things a lot. I also know he dosn't care about gay/trans stuff. I've know him well enough to know he could care less about a person's sexual or gender choices. He hasn't even known about my transition for a year yet, and we really don't talk about. As we don't see eachother in person. Because he's a trucker. I think if he saw me in person. It might be a lot different l. I still have male friends because I need a bit of testerone in my life. As munch as my female friends have tried to be into my interests. They just aren't into cars, or other male interest. Plus if a male friend want to hang out. It means a i can wear sweats, a over sized t shirt, and no make-up. Hanging out with the girls means going out in public. A hour of prep time, etc.  
    • Jamie68
      YAY!!!!! That's awesome ❤
    • Petra Jane
      Yes, thank you. Sorry, should have said that originally.
    • Jackie C.
      Check your local LGBTQ+ center. I gave mine to a friend who donated them to the community where they live. They were much too nice to throw out.   Hugs!
    • Mara.something
      I’ve been wearing a bra with false breasts for almost a year, but i too have started to feel uncomfortable due to my breast growth. Yay!   So i’ve switched to some bra pads instead. It doesn’t feel as heavy or “natural”, but the lack of pressure is a definite plus.   Now I just need to find an organization to donate my old breasts to. Anyone know one? 😀   mara
    • Hannah Renee
      @JaycieI was in the Boston area for about 10 years with my previous (#3) wife. My job for 37 years was overwhelmingly male dominated. During those 10 years, my best friend was a woman. She came out to Chicago a few years after I left Boston to be the "Best Man" at my (most recent) wedding. Years ago by, and we exchange Christmas cards and occasional birthday cards. Sadly, I haven't told her that I'm getting divorced and transitioning. Lack of courage. Soon. Same for the friend who cut me off 5 years ago - maybe.    Funny, it only occurred to me as I wrote about the past regarding my chosen middle name. Renee means reborn, and that was my conscious reason for adopting it. I realized that, subliminally, it was because of Renee Richards.   @MmindyAgain, thank you from the bottom of my heart, and God bless you. Hugs to all at TGP.❤️
    • Concerned father
      Hmnn, worth a shot I mean using that angle [thank you] but issue with him is its his way and his way only, there is no compromising. I will try your way next time the topic comes up and will report back.
    • Jaycie
    • Christopher
      I hope it feels really good to know that your wife supports you as she does. That she sees you as more than a collection of body parts and as a person who desires to be more themselves.
    • Jamey
      You look amazing 💖
  • Upcoming Events

Contact TransPulse

TransPulse can be contacted in the following ways:

Email: Click Here.

To report an error on this page.

Legal

Your use of this site is subject to the following rules and policies, whether you have read them or not.

Terms of Use
Privacy Policy
DMCA Policy
Community Rules

Hosting

Upstream hosting for TransPulse provided by QnEZ.

Sponsorship

Special consideration for TransPulse is kindly provided by The Breast Form Store.
×
×
  • Create New...