my backstory <3

[Meiruru]

Hello again you lovely people ❤️ , my name is Lisa , I'm 33 years old, MtF transgender doing the first steps to transition and finally enjoying my life
i am from Mexico , been having gender dysphoria since i was 12 hiding it all my life due to fears and huge ignorance in my country , i have sisters and i used to cross-dress in secret since then , I've been always geeky and since i had the knowledge and resources to use computers i started to be myself in internet to have some peace of mind i was happy for years living a dual life and to be completely honest that helped me preparing myself to have some empathy and gaining little by little knowledge like learning English and educating myself for work and the future, I've been always into videogames so my first experience was in a massive multiplayer online rpg game ,creating my character and little and expressing myself as a girl , i was completely unaware of Gender identities at that time and that's where the first hump of the road was starting to develop thanks to ignorance and awful education in my country about these topics  as i moved in life i was doing the same thing to keep myself motivated , and making excuses for it , i was really happy as a girl but that didn't translated well to real life where for my narrow mindset  was male or female , but the thing is i wasn't attracted to male and by the age of 21 i started being depressive , wishing all nights that i could wake up as a girl and live my life , asking for miracles , that never happened , after one big depression i just braced myself and just repress my desires and tried to be what society wanted me to be : my assigned gender at birth that never worked , never fitted that role because i felt different and life stopped making sense , so i just couldn't justify my existence due to ignorance on my part where i only could see black or white , so i kept doing my dual life as time moved on i was just floating in limbo on my life having an impossible dream and asking myself why and loosing self love and fading more and more in depression , i have few friends in real life and they helped me cope with depression but in the end i kept my secret only for myself , some years passed and i started crossdressing for Halloween as a tradition and ironically it was "real me outfit" always in my mind , so at this stage in life i was always trying to fill the void learning new skills and keeping myself busy and buying things to distract myself of depression , in 2015 i started crossdressing more and doing game livestreams in secret from friends and family and that's where i learned about Gender identities  and that when the biggest confusion in my life started since i was crossdressing since childhood to fill somewhat the void of being myself , but i never liked my body and it was really hard connecting myself with the reflection i saw on a mirror all my life and the biggest eye opener was when i did my game livestreams , hearing my transformed voice , seeing myself as a girl in the camera feed , it all clicked in and after learning about Gender identities and my identity was little by little starting to make sense but there was a piece missing and this lead to my biggest depression due again to ignorance and narrow mindset , the missing piece of the puzzle , all my life felt like a girl trapped in a male body but i didn't liked male's and probably due ignorance or my obsession of being a girl but i was so narrow minded that i couldn't see it , more time passed and again i was trying to find the last piece of the puzzle fearing i was insane , then i realized it after some nights reading and asking myself more and more , that i was a trans girl non-binary and at that time i felt real for the first time and finally accepted myself in 2020 kept it in secret and again fell into depression because fears and deception for my family and friends for lying most of my life and i kept it as secret for more time till one day after some family problems i just gave up , i just stopped thinking and thought to myself maybe next life , ill just  end this misery and starting thinking about suicide , so i started distancing of everyone and got what i needed to make it happen , after contemplating what looked to be my final act and just ready to start i just started crying for what i thought it was hours , i asked myself , what can be worse than just dying without even trying , if i was ready for this i can just be truth to myself and everyone else , im in the rock bottom the only way is up , next day i came out for my family and friends and it was the best choice i made in my life and since then i felt like dropping a boulder of my back and couldn't feel more alive and very excited about my future ? .

Life may be short but it’s still the longest thing you’ll ever do
Love -Lisa

[Davie]

Bienvenidos, Meiruru,

You're certainly welcome here. I'm but ten months into my transition and it sometimes feels like much longer because of the changes I've accomplished. Your English is terrific, by the way. Mucho mejor que mi español. I lived in Mexico for four months once—and I loved it there, mostly in La Ciudad de México. Living in another culture was like trying on a new set of clothes (or another gender of clothes). I learned a lot about it and about myself. I've found another sort of home here, welcoming and giving me a culture to learn about myself. Enjoy yourself, ask questions. We're here to help. 

Salud,

Davie

[Meiruru]

1 hour ago, Davie said:

Bienvenidos, Meiruru,

You're certainly welcome here. I'm but ten months into my transition and it sometimes feels like much longer because of the changes I've accomplished. Your English is terrific, by the way. Mucho mejor que mi español. I lived in Mexico for four months once—and I loved it there, mostly in La Ciudad de México. Living in another culture was like trying on a new set of clothes (or another gender of clothes). I learned a lot about it and about myself. I've found another sort of home here, welcoming and giving me a culture to learn about myself. Enjoy yourself, ask questions. We're here to help. 

Salud,

Davie

Thank you for your kind words ? and yes! i do agree! living in another culture is certainly as you say! there's a lot to learn from everyone also kudos ! living in la Ciudad the Mexico(or D.F. for short) is very hard! im from the north! Monterrey Nuevo Leon as busy as the df but lighter since is huge , 10 months in your transition wow! ill be starting (fingers crossed) next week!

Salud y gracias ^^ , muchisima suerte en tu transicion y mis mejores deseos! estare viendo el foro para informarme un poco mas durante mi transicion y evitar sorpresas ahaha

[Susan R]

14 hours ago, Meiruru said:

im in the rock bottom the only way is up , next day i came out for my family and friends and it was the best choice i made in my life and since then i felt like dropping a boulder of my back and couldn't feel more alive and very excited about my future ?

Welcome Lisa, It’s a real pleasure to meet you and reading your now continuing success story was awesome. I empathize with so much of your story. It’s not uncommon for many of us in our community to go through many of these same life stages. I had two similar “life changing” moments that caused me to start on the road to transition. Like you, it was the best thing I ever did.

 

From my perspective and be based on the back story you presented here, you will be much happier living your authentic life. It’s never too late for that. I am glad you found us here and hope to read more about you and your upcoming transition milestones. Others here need to read how it’s possible to overcome all odds like you did and that it is possible to get past a lifetime of denial and suppression. Many Congrats, Lisa!!

 

Warmest Regards,

Susan R?

[Davie]

Yo vivó en D.F. en el año sesenta y ocho durante Los Olympicos—un tiempo mucho mas viejo de ahora. Change seemed easy then. Not so much now. This week I finish apartment renovations, finding a housemate who's trans friendly, and launching a new business. That's why I'm up too late—spinning in anxiety. Changes—ugh.

Learning to love myself. Also hard.

Salud,

Davie

[Meiruru]

7 hours ago, Susan R said:

Welcome Lisa, It’s a real pleasure to meet you and reading your now continuing success story was awesome. I empathize with so much of your story. It’s not uncommon for many of us in our community to go through many of these same life stages. I had two similar “life changing” moments that caused me to start on the road to transition. Like you, it was the best thing I ever did.

 

From my perspective and be based on the back story you presented here, you will be much happier living your authentic life. It’s never too late for that. I am glad you found us here and hope to read more about you and your upcoming transition milestones. Others here need to read how it’s possible to overcome all odds like you did and that it is possible to get past a lifetime of denial and suppression. Many Congrats, Lisa!!

 

Warmest Regards,

Susan R?

Thank you Susan for your kind words ❤️ ill try to make some updates on my transition , very excited to get starting next week ❤️  

[Meiruru]

3 hours ago, Davie said:

Yo vivó en D.F. en el año sesenta y ocho durante Los Olympicos—un tiempo mucho mas viejo de ahora. Change seemed easy then. Not so much now. This week I finish apartment renovations, finding a housemate who's trans friendly, and launching a new business. That's why I'm up too late—spinning in anxiety. Changes—ugh.

Learning to love myself. Also hard.

Salud,

Davie

mucha suerte! y que todo salga bien en tu negocio y tu busqueda de roomie ? gotta love the changes! ahaha but i get you sometimes is a bummer xD im moving out soon too and i get you its a bit tedous xD
Salud!