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That 'Sir' word


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    I have been living as myself for years now and have forgotten the fear that i lived with early in transition.  I simply feel i'm passing or maybe just don't care anymore.  Yesterday went to the Kubota tractor store.  I'm in the market for a new tractor and went in to pay a service bill and speak to a salesman.  At that same store a good while ago i seem to remember hearing a "thank you sir" after purchasing a 3pt hitch part.  Today as i left i think i heard the salesman say the same thing as i left his office.

Hmmmm do i give them my business?  Part of me says no way and another part of me simply feels that i should ignore that and get one of their tractors if it appears to be the best available. 

    Funny how an incident like this does seemingly hurt despite years of being accepted as the person i am.

I'm trying to just let it go.  Posting the issue here may help.






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Good morning Charlize,


I have several trains of thought on this. First is financial, is this the best location and price for your equipment and service?

Second, if you don't address the reason you're buying a tractor somewhere else with them, will they miss your business?

I know it hurts to be out and open about your pronouns, just to have someone ignore them. Does the sales group work on commission? Choose to speak with a younger sales person who may be more aware the the importance of pronouns, letting them benefit from your purchase. Will the next location treat you the same way? If you're going to continue business with this Implement Company, is there an owner you can speak to about the sales force using proper pronouns?


No mater the outcome, I hope you find the tractor you want.





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  • Forum Moderator

Thanks Mindy.

   I can certainly ignore the comment if they have the machine i want.  Since i grew up in this neighborhood i have to expect that some may not perfectly accept my reality.  Unfortunately the sales staff is limited.  At this point i'm leaning towards Kubota as they are close and service and parts are readily available.  John Deere has moved considerably farther away so it takes almost a half day to get a $8.00 part .

  As NJ develops more we are loosing agricultural resources but i guess that is balanced by an excellent market.







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I feel a lot better now!  I went shopping at the supermarket today and got caught by man who smiled broadly because i was dancing in the isle.  A bit later i was waved ahead by another gentleman with an "After you beautiful".

My feathers are all back in order.





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2 hours ago, Charlize said:

My feathers are all back in order.

That's good to read Charlize.





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  • Forum Moderator

That's a nice end to the day @Charlize.  Plus dancing in the aisles is always fun!


As to the tractor salesman, then next time you are there (maybe go back to take second look or ask a follow up question), bring up the comment is a subtle way.  "I recognize you may not have a lot of women tractor buyers come in, but the last time you ended by saying 'thank you sir' to me!  That was weird for me to hear."   Leave it at that and see what he says.  My bet is he'll apologize and try to make it right.  Whether he knows of your past and will comment is debatable.  





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@Charlize Happy it worked out, as most things do. I hear the "sir" almost all the time, although down heeya, "hon" is a common unisex pronoun from the southern belles. I don't get too bothered by it (the "sir"), but I do catch it & wish for maybe a "ma'am" instead. In meditating on it I wonder if I should correct them, if not for me then for the transgender who comes along after. Still pondering, the answer will come.




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Charlize, I think we sometimes we forget the world isn't changing quite as fast as we sometimes assume.  The trans community has made great strides furthering acceptance, but in reality we still have a ways to go.  I'm afraid there are still a lot of "sir's" in our future.  However, the "After you beautiful" comment is a reminder we are slowly winning the war of acceptance.


I try not to let being mis-gendered drive my decision on where I do business, although, I have reached out to a corporation on occasion to let it know they have insensitive employees in need of gender identity training.   


In the end though, it does hurt to be mis-gendered, no matter how thick-skinned we try to be.  I wish you bunches of "After you beautiful" comments in your future.

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