My family was bad, but socially it was good

[Artpetal]

Both of my parents know I'm trans but both barred me from being able to transition young. Dad was much less fiery than my mom - it's always hurt me and bewildered me that my mom wouldn't see the hidden little girl in our family - but both had the same views.

 

In social settings, OUTSIDE of the family, I feel that people knowing I'm transgender is a very quiet blessing. I've had compliments, or at least no one has ever, thankfully, said something rude to me about how I present. Once I was out walking in a dead end street and a person happened to come over to me and strike up a conversation. I was wearing leggings and a skirt and I never heard anything bad at all from him as he chatted away to me. Another time I was wearing my stylish sandals at a group meet and a man there said they looked good. That was a nice memory. As a woman I know I shouldn't be too hard on myself about my looks and I know I'm even kind of popular because that's just what it means to be a woman, to my mind. I have never felt that being popular, and being female, were at odds.

 

Oddly though, I've generally seen a lot more positivity in real life than I have online, where you might expect people would finally admit you're a woman behind the computer. Online, no one has ever asked me, "Aren't you trans?" which I consider to be a safe and even a kind question to ask because it breaks the ice. I'm definitely of the point of view that the closet is harmful and I like to be known as trans if I can be. I would like to be approached that way by a friend. Instead, online for some reason people have very, very frequently assumed I'm male and even imply that I couldn't possibly be trans and it doesn't feel good... But I try to just move on.

[Artpetal]

Here's another story about how it just seems to me that I have good luck in person. Once a neighbor and I were in an argument. She was upset about something and a minute into the argument I just stopped engaging with her at all. She kept talking but then she said, a bit kindly, "Aw, you're precious." I don't think she would have said that to me unless she sensed I was a woman, a precious woman. And I've had two men tell me I look 'young.'

[Jackie C.]

I find that out in the wild, we tend to attract more positive people than negative. My parents are a raging garbage fire that pounded little Jackie back into the box so hard that it was decades before she felt like it was safe to come out. My parents taught me that my gender identity was a dark, shameful secret that I would have to take to the grave if I wanted anybody to accept me. Turns out the only people who really didn't want to accept me were them.

Since I've transitioned though, things are better. I'm more positive and I think that makes people react better to me. My found family is awesome. I've made lots of new friends. I should have done this ages ago.

 

Hugs!

[KathyLauren]

My experience is similar.  Out in the real world, must people understand enough about us to be accepting and nice.  No one has hassled me or given me a hard time at all.  That is even though I live in a somewhat rednecky area of farmers and fishermen.  It seems we have a good grade of redneckiness here!

 

I'll never know what my parents would have thought.  I think my father would have just dismissed the subject by saying, "Oh, I don't care about that stuff."  My mother might not have been surprised, but she could have gone either way.  She was always hard to read and said one thing while thinking the opposite.  My older brother was supportive, as I knew he would be.  My younger brother surprised me, frankly, by being accepting.

 

All my associates, including several groups large enough that I came out to them by mass email, have all been supportive.

 

Online, it is a crapshoot.  There are forums like this one that are well-moderated, where everyone is supporting.  But, in poorly-moderated places, the trolls have the loudest megaphones, and drown out any voices of reason.

[stveee]

On the whole looking back over my history, the only real adversary and whose judgment I had to overcome was Me.

And still is. But much better.

My father tried to teach me to stand up for myself by being confrontational, but I imagine if the realization was made he was raising a girl, it might have been a different approach. Maybe.

But at this point, I own that I am my own worst critic, a bit of a perfectionist, and am working through not getting hung up on my presentation too much because it's almost like relapsing back into my previous life.

Although I wish my hair was longer. And E would soften up my face. And a rear, and on and on.

Garden variety early stage trans girl stuff. 

Laying on the sofa eating an entire box of donuts, crying.

At least I can feel, now.

 

Under all that noise is a centeredness and joy being Trans, whether anyone gets it or not. Every little step "forward" is confirmation. I no longer must be trapped by others opinions, or even opinions I have of myself, if I choose.

Ultimately, it's was always about liberation.