Jump to content
  • Welcome to the TransPulse Forums!

    We offer a safe, inclusive community for transgender and gender non-conforming folks, as well as their loved ones, to find support and information.  Join today!

Finding Hanna


Hanna

Recommended Posts

I finally found you Hanna! Yesterday I looked deep into my soul. I managed to see through all the shells that has been built up for decades. And, there you were, a little girl, a very sad, weeping little girl. You have been hidden all my life! I was so surprised to see you that I spoke out loud: I need to rescue her. I spontaneously used the pronoun her, without even thinking, because I immediately recognized you as a girl. I didn't know that you existed, but now I do, and suddenly all kinds of memories start making sense.

 

Do you remember? You were five years old. Your best friend was Neighbor girl. She was one year older than you and she was like a big sister to you. You played house with her and all her dolls and you were so happy. One day when she came home from school with her new friends, she said that you can't join them to play, because they don't like playing with boys. You became very sad when you were abandoned.

 

Do you remember? You were eight years old. You asked Mother to buy red knee socks for a Christmas play at school. Oh, how you loved to wear them in the play. But oh, how you hated them after that, because a boy was not supposed to wear pretty socks.

 

Do you remember? You were ten years old. Back then it became fashionable to wear cowboy boots. You asked Mother to buy a pair for you. The boots were so small and looked very cute and feminine. You loved wearing them! But, you also hated them, because a boy was not supposed to wear pretty boots.

 

Do you remember? You were eleven years old. You were on a sea journey with your family and Mother bought you a LEGO ship to build. The cabin was very small and there was a tiny table in front of a huge mirror. You could not sit there building your LEGO, because you hated the image in the mirror so much. You saw only an ugly boy there. Mother had to cover the mirror.

 

Do you remember? You were 14 years old. Father had bought a pair of red panties from France for Mother and you found them. You could not stop yourself from trying them on. What a wonderful feeling that was! Then you occasionally tried on more of Mother's underwear and clothes during your teenage years. You always felt ashame, because a boy was not supposed to wear women's clothes.

 

Do you remember the girls you had crushes on? You didn't obviously want to be with them because you never spoke a word to them. It seems like you just admired their beauty, wanting to be like them.

 

Do you remember Girlfriend? You were 27 years old and she was your first. You liked to cuddle with her and kiss her, but when you were about to lose your virginity you had such a strong panic attack that you started to cry like a baby. You could not bring yourself to do it, even though your male body was ready. Girlfriend left you and you were abandoned.

 

And what about Wife? It seems like your love for her was never strong enough. Why? Because you are obviously no man and you were simply not able to love her like a man would do. Wife is now leaving and you will be abandoned again.

 

I have found you Hanna. I have finally found you. I will not abandon you. But Hanna, where do we go from here?

Link to comment
  • Forum Moderator

This is incredibly beautiful and so full of truth that many experience and don't know how to process. Thank you.

Link to comment

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!

Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.

Sign In Now
  • Who's Online   5 Members, 0 Anonymous, 50 Guests (See full list)

    • KathyLauren
    • Red_Lauren.
    • Jamey
    • Vidanjali
    • WillowA113
  • Recently Browsing   0 members

    • No registered users viewing this page.
  • Forum Statistics

    • Total Topics
      76.7k
    • Total Posts
      719.7k
  • Member Statistics

    • Total Members
      9,599
    • Most Online
      8,356

    Mara.something
    Newest Member
    Mara.something
    Joined
  • Today's Birthdays

    1. dragonette
      dragonette
    2. Mar
      Mar
      (33 years old)
    3. Tetris
      Tetris
      (25 years old)
    4. TJ
      TJ
    5. vectorlol
      vectorlol
  • Posts

    • Hannah Renee
      I remember tentatively stepping out, looking around and behind me as I went back in. Keep up the small steps. They'll turn into bigger and bigger ones as you gain confidence. Now I feel like I stick out like a sore thumb if I'm not dressed as me.
    • Hannah Renee
      You look awesome.
    • Hannah Renee
      Still don't drink coffee. My normal suppliers of caffeine, C-C & MD, are not presently at hand, but my vitamin water is. Had a couple of emotional pick-me-ups today (in addition to those I got here), and they were much needed on an in-person level. First, I went to return an item at Kohl's (only in person returns), which worked out nicely. The nice lady at the return counter was teaching another nice lady the ins and outs of the process. Thrice, she unhesitatingly referred to me as "she."    Secondly, as I was on my walk, I ended up passing three women, two maybe 30ish or so, the other a teen. We greeted as I passed, then one of them said something about legs. Then the other adult one said, "She's got legs." The word "legs" drawn out for emphasis. Yeah, that perked me up!
    • SheenaT
      You are beautiful and I agree men can be really insensitive pigs!
    • SheenaT
    • Red_Lauren.
      Thanks. My hair lady, and a former boss also said the same thing about the top. As for him saying he's sorry. He's a manly man. I know im never going to get a sorry from him. Even I knew as a man. If I said some thing stupid to woman in my past life. Hey everyone dose. I would say im sorry. As for saying I'm ugly. I can take being called ugly. I'm not that sensitive, but when I'm being compared to two men doing drag. That is what pissed me off.  Yep. I worked with a lot of men in my life. There has been many times. That they have said stupid stuff, and I have said how are you married.  Can be?  He really not a bad looking man. Again not my type. He dose treat woman with respect for the most part. I'll give him that. Like you said. He just says stupid things a lot. I also know he dosn't care about gay/trans stuff. I've know him well enough to know he could care less about a person's sexual or gender choices. He hasn't even known about my transition for a year yet, and we really don't talk about. As we don't see eachother in person. Because he's a trucker. I think if he saw me in person. It might be a lot different l. I still have male friends because I need a bit of testerone in my life. As munch as my female friends have tried to be into my interests. They just aren't into cars, or other male interest. Plus if a male friend want to hang out. It means a i can wear sweats, a over sized t shirt, and no make-up. Hanging out with the girls means going out in public. A hour of prep time, etc.  
    • Jamie68
      YAY!!!!! That's awesome ❤
    • Petra Jane
      Yes, thank you. Sorry, should have said that originally.
    • Jackie C.
      Check your local LGBTQ+ center. I gave mine to a friend who donated them to the community where they live. They were much too nice to throw out.   Hugs!
    • Mara.something
      I’ve been wearing a bra with false breasts for almost a year, but i too have started to feel uncomfortable due to my breast growth. Yay!   So i’ve switched to some bra pads instead. It doesn’t feel as heavy or “natural”, but the lack of pressure is a definite plus.   Now I just need to find an organization to donate my old breasts to. Anyone know one? 😀   mara
    • Hannah Renee
      @JaycieI was in the Boston area for about 10 years with my previous (#3) wife. My job for 37 years was overwhelmingly male dominated. During those 10 years, my best friend was a woman. She came out to Chicago a few years after I left Boston to be the "Best Man" at my (most recent) wedding. Years ago by, and we exchange Christmas cards and occasional birthday cards. Sadly, I haven't told her that I'm getting divorced and transitioning. Lack of courage. Soon. Same for the friend who cut me off 5 years ago - maybe.    Funny, it only occurred to me as I wrote about the past regarding my chosen middle name. Renee means reborn, and that was my conscious reason for adopting it. I realized that, subliminally, it was because of Renee Richards.   @MmindyAgain, thank you from the bottom of my heart, and God bless you. Hugs to all at TGP.❤️
    • Concerned father
      Hmnn, worth a shot I mean using that angle [thank you] but issue with him is its his way and his way only, there is no compromising. I will try your way next time the topic comes up and will report back.
    • Jaycie
    • Christopher
      I hope it feels really good to know that your wife supports you as she does. That she sees you as more than a collection of body parts and as a person who desires to be more themselves.
    • Jamey
      You look amazing 💖
  • Upcoming Events

Contact TransPulse

TransPulse can be contacted in the following ways:

Email: Click Here.

To report an error on this page.

Legal

Your use of this site is subject to the following rules and policies, whether you have read them or not.

Terms of Use
Privacy Policy
DMCA Policy
Community Rules

Hosting

Upstream hosting for TransPulse provided by QnEZ.

Sponsorship

Special consideration for TransPulse is kindly provided by The Breast Form Store.
×
×
  • Create New...