Baby Steps

[Paula ult]

This will be an ongoing log of my coming out

My plan started 7 months ago and was geared at getting everyone used to seeing the changes little by little.

I started out by wearing clear nail polish then a month or so later added woman's jeans and every few weeks or so i would add something new, woman's shoes, sox, watch, necklace, plucked my eyebrows and started using eyebrow pencil, mascara and finally woman's tops, my ears had been multiple pierced years ago.

I was not sure how effective my plan was till recently, about a week and a half ago when i told a couple i know about me, he had seen something a few months ago but didn't know what, he did say he noticed i was wearing woman's jeans, he's not quick to notice things so if he saw something others have too.

Tonight i was talking to my first friend K i told many months ago, and she confirmed lots of others indeed have noticed and even asked her, this one woman D that knows both of us told K i had man boobs, K told her she didn't think so cause they keep getting bigger , D also talked about what happens down below and said they invert it, maybe she knows other trans, D said she was envious cause i have nice eyebrows, so she knows and from here the word can spread, i will see D Thursday night and we can talk a bit.

I don't think it will be too long before I'm out to everyone, and whether i get acceptance from anybody or not it will still be a huge relief.

Paula

[Guest Naomi Stardust]

yay!

very cool!

hope all continues to go well!

[Guest leo]

this is a really good example of how to come out in public and that patients and effort really does pay off

[Guest Donna Jean]

My plan started 7 months ago and was geared at getting everyone used to seeing the changes little by little.

I started out by wearing clear nail polish then a month or so later added woman's jeans and every few weeks or so i would add something new, woman's shoes, sox, watch, necklace, plucked my eyebrows and started using eyebrow pencil, mascara and finally woman's tops, my ears had been multiple pierced years ago.

I don't think it will be too long before I'm out to everyone, and whether i get acceptance from anybody or not it will still be a huge relief.

Paula

Wonderful, Honey!

I have to say that this is my grand plan, too....

The osmosis process rather than the "In your Face" method....lol

I, too started my plan when I started Hormones..about 4 months ago...let folks watch the slow progression and it's not such a shock to them ..(or me)..

Clear nail polish, though glossy, grow ny nails out, girl jeans, necklace, bracelet, a little powder on the nose, plucked eyebrows, pierced ears....

I don't consider it the "chicken's" way through this....it's just easier on everyone involved...

And, yes, your co-workers ARE involved!

I know that we've all heard about the person that just showed up on a Monday to work in a dress.....

That IS NOT the way to do it, in MY opinion!

Baby steps, baby steps, baby steps......

You go , Paula, Sweetheart.....you got it right!

****HUGGS****

Donna Jean

[Guest Dutchie]

Yay, Paula!

Going slow is in my opinion the best way to get people used to the real you. You're doing great by the sound of it.

I agree with Donna Jean, shocking people doesn't do anybody good. They feel threatened in a way, and after that you're feeling miserable due to people getting upset (sudden changes, no matter which, always cause fear somehow).

Going slow give people a chance to form their own opinion, their own perspective and how it relates to them.

As I mentioned in another post, I went slowly slowly too, especially at the work place. I'm still uncertain if I'm still in this job in 6 months time, due to the scary re-organizations going on. I escaped one round once, I don't know if I could have managed that if I'd been too confronting. I know that if I'm shocking people, I'm on the list for round two. They want motivated people in a stable environment, if that is in order, then they still value my qualities, no matter the gender. Troublemakers fly out at the first opportunity. Anyway, I digress...

You did and are doing great, that's important!!

Dutchie

[Sally]

Congratulations,

I'm glad that things are going according to plan.

That's the very plan I'm going to employee.

Love ya,

Sally

[Carolyn Marie]

if and when I get to that point, I am going to follow your example. Good for you, Paula. Lead the way, hon!

Carolyn

[Paula ult]

I thought i added this update last night but i musta messed up as it's not here.

As most know i have been doing baby steps for the last 8 months getting others used to the changes and at present i dress completely as a woman.

Thursday nights is my fun bowling league, one of my long time friends who was watching her son bowl in a different league came down and said hi, thought she noticed something but she didn't say anything.

Fast forward to last night, she called and explained that a couple other men we bowl with in the fall league thought i was wearing a woman's blouse and sent her down to see if it was, well she couldn't tell but she did notice i looked different and that i was wearing eyeliner and eyebrow pencil, since she would know in a few weeks anyway i told her i have been in the process of getting a sex change, told her i had to do this as the alternative wasn't so good, that I'll still be the same person you have always known only happier, friendlier and more outgoing, I'm just doing some remodeling on the outside. She thinks if i find a good woman I'll forget about this, where have i heard that before. I then went on to explain i been in therapy and if the therapist wasn't sure this was the right thing for me i wouldn't be where i am today. She is going to look at a couple web sites i gave her the links too.

So I'm out to a her and her husband, they are in my don't like the choice but like the person list. Now Monday night i need to have the talk to the the two guys.

Paula

[Guest AllisonD]

wow.

I try to put myself in your place, at the bowling alley, coming out to friends. Taking it slow & steady. Clearly it's working, it is obviously the right way to go. They have time to digest this new view of you at their own pace, and take it or leave it as they choose. Your approach is perfect.

But such courage! I know you have no choice but to do this; only some choice as to how you manage your own transition, but I have to admit to awe at your (and all the other women at this phase) courage in giving the people in your environment such a long, protracted look at your jugular vein while you are doing it.

I am a coward, and the first two times I transitioned I simply changed environments completely and transitioned overnight. Wasn't all that big a change for me, but still. The last time, when I transitioned at work and stayed to face the music, was drawn out. But it still wasn't all that big a change for me, and it didn't take more than perhaps 60 days before I was in heels and dress suits. I've always been fairly obvious even while in boy mode. Comments I got, well, the non-lethal ones anyway, were "about time, what took you so long?" People were not very surprised at all. Even so, I don't think I could have been so gentle on my environment as you are. I had to get it over with before I lost my nerve.

My hat is definitely off to you...

Allison

[Guest Charlene_Leona]

When I came out I went full time with a vengeance, it did shock a few people. I had been growing my nails long for years, started wearing polish. I had also be wearing a few ladies cloths as well. Now even though I went out with a blast, I did take transition slow. Learning to do my makeup and dressing my age those two were a bit interesting. But I kinda went through puberty twice, once as a teenager and once as a t-girl. The second time around I actually took my time with and my therapist told me the other night he was proud of me. This meant allot to me as he was the only person that had some control over my second life. He is writing my letter now and I should have it in the next week.

[Paula ult]

Sunday i called her husband since i knew she would be at work, he was pretty cool with it but he did say she was a country girl and is pretty naive which made me even more worried about what she would tell others since she is the biggest gossip around, so i called D one of the men that she said was taking about me and the blouse, we bowl on the same team and he would have asked me himself, he said it was her and A the other man that was talking about me and he is fine with what I'm doing so i decided to do a preventative strike by just coming out to as many as i can then if she says guess what <insert male name here> is doing they will already know and it will kinda stop her gossip.

Everyone will know in 6 weeks anyway so a little early is ok, so Monday i went up to this other woman that works at the bowling center and said there is something i need to tell you, she said i already know, she must have asked my good friend and she told her, she's super cool about it btw. Then as i was leaving D and A were at the desk so as i went by i said to A this is exactly what you think it is, pointing to my blouse and makeup, apparently D had talked to him cause he was pretty cool with it too.

Thursday night i will be out to even more and Saturday is a charity golf tournament for an animal rescue group my friend belongs to, many more from my fall bowling league will be there and i plan on telling them, most i think will be accepting.

The rumor mill will be cranking in full force with information i have given, not misinformation she has given, and should shut down her gossip and make her look foolish. Good thing is by the time the fall bowling leagues start most will know and i will have support when i tell those that don't know at the beginning of season meetings.

Paula

[Paula ult]

Update from Saturday, i didn't tell anyone at the golf outing but after i was invited by one of the golfers, who is also on my Saturday bowling league, to a party at his house, I told 7 more people all from said bowling league, all were a bit surprised but most had seen the signs, one even told me another friend of his transitioned and he saw the female in me, all were ok and said i need to do what makes me happy.

So out of 88 people on my Saturday bowling league 12 now know, i expect by the time i tell the rest at the beginning of season meeting at least 2 - 4 more will know, not a bad start.

My Sunday league is much smaller, around 48 bowlers so far 4 know, which includes the not very supportive gossipy woman, so i need to start working on telling the rest of my teammates and others, hopefully by the time that meeting takes place 11 - 12 will know.

Paula

[Guest Donna Jean]

Paula......

Watching you is so much fun for me!

You've been doing so well and everyone could take a lesson from you...Not all outings are horrible things! You seem to be doing great overall with friends and family!

Your posts here make me happy!

Way to go, Girlfriend!

HUGGGGG!

Donna Jean

[Paula ult]

Added 2 more to my acceptance list last night, i called my long time friends Steve and his wife Donna and asked if they would be home, i arrived and after some small talk i told them i was changing my gender, they knew what i was talking about so i didn't have to use the sex change thing everyone knows the meaning of, it was like no big deal to them, so after answering some questions we just sat and chatted about stuff.

So I'm up to 14 out of 88 that know know on my Saturday bowling league, all btw are accepting.

Am i lucky, do i have friends that are open, is it because they like me the person, are the planets in alignment or a combination of these, well what ever it is i hope it stays around a while longer.

Paula

[Guest Donna Jean]

Paula.....

Sweetheart....you're amazing me! And it's wonderful.

I really envy the way that it's going for you so far...you're instilling a lot of confidence in folks...

And I do wish you continued success in your coming out!

Keep us up to date......OK?

BIGGEST HUGG!

Donna Jean

[Paula ult]

My coming out process seems to be gaining momentum. Wednesday i called the secretary of my Sunday bowling league and told her of my transition, she said he had already heard as the news was spreading, not from the gossipy woman thankfully, she did say that woman came up to her and said guess what K's doing and she told her she already knew thus shutting her down. I asked her if after our meeting on August 30 that i would like to tell the rest of the league that doesn't already know and she said sure. I told her to tell the treasurer then she asked if she could tell the president of the league and some others and i said sure, the more that know the easier it will be for me.

Yesterday i called another teem member and told her, it wasn't a big deal to her either since she said her neighbors are gay, not the same but oh well if it helps her understand great. I did tell her i wasn't gay.

Called the secretary back to get the phone number of the last team member that doesn't know and she said those she has told are accepting so far.

Four week to go before I'm completely out except for work and that's next on my list.

Paula

[Paula ult]

I'm out to my 88 person bowling league, not all 88 but about 50 were there, at the end of the meeting the president said there was something i wanted to say, i did my little speech then asked if there were any questions, my friend KC on Que asked what my name was going to be and i said Paula, there was a question of since it's a couples league and i will be female if it's going to cause a problem and i said no i will still be bowling using his name this season even though i will look different, one guy i thought would have a problem with it did and asked if i was going to wear a dress bowling, guess he watches too much Jerry Springer, this idiot didn't listen very close to what i said during my speech as i said how i would be dressed, and a couple others that are friends chimed in and kinda embarrassed him. At the end everyone commended me for doing what i am doing, it looks like i have lots of support.

After the meeting a woman i have known maybe 15 years came up to me and said there was a question she wanted to ask me and hoped it wouldn't be too personal or embarrass me, i thought here it comes, but she asked when i knew i wanted to transition because a 12 year old neighbor boy has exhibited female tendency since he was real young and keeps saying he is a girl, he would come and play with her daughters girl and they would play dress up with him in a dress. The mother is supportive but the father is not and tries to make him play sports and wants him to get a girlfriend, she also said he talked about suicide so i told her the grim figures, i suggested they get him a therapist asap. I said i knew at age 5 - 6 so he's not too young to know.

All in all it was a huge day as far as coming out and appears a successful one.

My next big coming out will be August 30 when i do the same speech at my Sunday league meeting.

Paula

[Guest ~Brenda~]

Paula,

I have always been very impressed with you.

Your strength, your conviction, your understanding is truely amazing and inspiring.

Thank you so much

Love

Brenda

[Guest rachael1]

That must be such a relief for you Paula - one less thing to worry about.

Your friends sound wonderful the majority seem to be supportive and accepting.

Congratulations

Rachael

[Paula ult]

Late this afternoon i got a call from a friend i have not talked to for a year or more, Ben is gay and 78 years old, we worked together for many years but he never knew about me, he said he had heard from another good friend that i was changing my sex, this other person heard the rumors, so i told him exactly what i was doing and why, he was very understanding and said to call if i ever needed to talk. He asked about my sexual orientation, i had to explain about the difference between gender and sexual identity, he thought they were the same thing just like most people.

Changing peoples view one person at a time.

Paula

[Guest Donna Jean]

Changing peoples view one person at a time.

Paula

LOL!

That's beautiful, Paula...that sentiment hits it on the head!

Good for you, Sweetheart!

I'm just loving this thread that you started about your coming out and transition...very good stuff that I feel everyone in our situation should read!

Thank you, Honey...and keep it up...only 6,749,823,098...to go.....LOL!

HUGGS

Donna Jean

[Guest Joanna Phipps]

Wonderful, Honey!

I have to say that this is my grand plan, too....

The osmosis process rather than the "In your Face" method....lol

I, too started my plan when I started Hormones..about 4 months ago...let folks watch the slow progression and it's not such a shock to them ..(or me)..

Clear nail polish, though glossy, grow ny nails out, girl jeans, necklace, bracelet, a little powder on the nose, plucked eyebrows, pierced ears....

I don't consider it the "chicken's" way through this....it's just easier on everyone involved...

And, yes, your co-workers ARE involved!

I know that we've all heard about the person that just showed up on a Monday to work in a dress.....

That IS NOT the way to do it, in MY opinion!

Baby steps, baby steps, baby steps......

You go , Paula, Sweetheart.....you got it right!

****HUGGS****

Donna Jean

OK girls now I am jealous, y'all (or many of you) had the oportunity to do the slow routine not me but then most of you know my story and I sure wasnt ready for it but I survived some how.

[Paula ult]

My oh My i am getting behind in my updates, Saturday August 22 was the first night of my large 88 member bowling league, everyone treated me as if nothing has changed, after one woman came up and said she could really see the changes and that i seem allot happier, i guess it is not as big a deal i thought it would be.

Paula

[Guest Joe Cool]

Congratulations Paula!

It sounds like a really suportive group! I'm glad they can see how much happier you are. I hope you bowled a good game!!

Joe

[Paula ult]

Tonight was the start of my Sunday bowling league, i found out our league went from 12 to 16 teams which means instead of 48 we now have 64 members, at the end of the meeting the president said i had something to say, for some reason i was more nervous about doing this league even though it is smaller and many already knew, I think i did a pretty good job cause quite a few said i got my point across and that it took guts to get up and tell everyone. I did ask everyone to call me Paula when they felt comfortable doing so.

When we were bowling i had several call me Paula and a man on the team we were bowling called me Paula all evening, the other man on the team we were bowling continued to call me k____, i do not want to alienate some by demanding i be called Paula that will come in time as others use the correct pronouns.

At this point in time i am out to everyone locally that needs to know, all except a few who i may run into here and there.

I will continue to post to this topic as events happen.

In the near future i will be starting a topic on my coming out at work.

Paula who is still changing peoples view one person at a time.