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Finding me


HollyNG

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Finding me,I was young discovering I was a happy boy with a girl that wanted out at times.Mom knew I was holding something in and saw I was not ready to come out about it yet.She noticed things that I was way different from the other boys.Age 5 started to see me act feminine at times.Age 6,she saw I was looking through the women's clothing catalogs she got in the mail.Finally at age 7,we had the talk and asked me why I do this.Finally came out to her saying I am a happy boy with a girl that wanted out at times.Her reaction,she knew this was me and accepted it.She found me girl's clothing I liked and let me dress at home at first.As I got older,knew I was living a happy life dressing as female at times.Age 10,let me get my ears pierced.Age 16,my first time out as Holly with friends.She knew these friends of mine were good to me.To this day,mom knows she still has her son.

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My parents certainly had a different t reaction!  I'm glad you were able to find that a cc eptance in your life.

 

Hugs,

 

Charlize

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9 hours ago, HollyNG said:

Age 16,my first time out as Holly with friends.She knew these friends of mine were good to me.To this day,mom knows she still has her son.

I also experienced a completely different reaction to my crossdressing from my parents at that same age of 16. My mother tried to humiliate the ‘trans’ out of me when she found my hidden ladies clothing way back in my closet. I can’t imagine what life would’ve been like if she actually would’ve taken me aside like a human being and asked if we could talk about something so life changing.

 

@HollyNG Your very lucky. You’ve been blessed with a caring empathetic mother. Remember that when Mother’s Day comes around this year!! 😉

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I guess I was fortunate and unfortunate in a way. I believe my mom knew when I very young, however, I think she hoped that I was just "in a phase". She caught me so many times her stuff. One time she asked me if I wanted her to take me to get my own bras. Well, I died from embarrassment, only to be resurrected. She caught me in her panties enough. Around the age of 14-15 I decided to dip into her makeup and try it. I would wait until nighttime and when I thought my folks were sleeping, I would go play in the bathroom. The one night she stayed up and sat in a chair in the living room with a great view of the bathroom. I had on a full face of Revlon when she came in an asked me why I using all of her makeup. She asked me if I wanted my own. She then went to bed. I left to fend for myself. I did not get it all removed and consequently got teased in the morning when I went to school. Then one time I sat around all dressed up and practiced writing my desired name at the time. She caught me again when she saw my handwriting samples in the trashcan. She asked me about it, but I clammed up. My mother should have been a detective. Later in the year I decided to swipe a sizable number of her old panties and put them in my drawer. I imagined being a girl for the entire summer. I wore panties for the entire summer...until she found them and questioned me over and over. Again, she offered to take me to get my own. I was redder than a beet. I promised I would not do it again. She pitched the panties. 

 

Things settled down. I got more introverted, gave up on high school completely. I did the absolute minimum to get by as I was pissed. I figured nothing would ever get better. I had to put a concrete lid on me. A number of years later when everything calmed down for me, I was in school. I had lost a great bit of weight and I lamented that my pants fit fine in the hips, but not the waist. I do not know if she was serious, or yanking my chain. She offered a pair of her lady wranglers. I tried them on. They fit great. I then wore them to school. Well, I got lit up at school as the girls immediately identified those lady wranglers on me. After I got over than, my mom would pop up from time to time with a new sweater, or pullover top. I never even looked at the label. A few were turtle necks. Stupid me never even noticed the small shoulder pad in the one, or the softness of another. I wore them to school and one day one of the girls in the class asked me why I was wearing female tops. Wow, I was floored.

 

A few times in my 30s I would talk to my mom about some things that were bothering me in general, but I never blurted it all out. I just said that I had some things that we tearing me up inside, but I could not express it. A few times I would dabble in toenail polish then try to remove it. I was not very good and a few times she noticed. She never pressed for the jugular.

 

Years later prior to her dying, we talked and again I told her I had things that bothered me since I was little. She took my hand and told me that she knew more than I thought she did. She knew everything and felt powerless to help me, other than try to help me subtly. Despite that, it still took me a long time to finally make this journey. 

 

Sincerely

Katie

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Interesting, touching story @Katie23.  Happy for you to be on the journey now.💕

 

Like others here, my parents reactions were negative, and some ways split our family apart…way back when.  The smokescreen created to hide their true child shaped my path and prospects.
 

However, years later, the last thing my mom said to me before she passed:

 

“I like what you’re wearing”

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I’m ancient, but remember being caught with my stash by my very concerned mom. There was already suspicion that I was gay (which, in a way, was true since I’m a lesbian) so this just added fuel to the fire. I think she always knew and later in life gave me a book that helped me figure myself out. Sadly, I never came out to her before she passed.

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