The First Time You Questioned Your Gender

[Davie]

Coming out or breaking an egg can be a convoluted and fraught tale. It was for me. I really came out most powerfully when a friend was abused in her relationship and told me about it. When that happened, I leapt to her defense by email and empathized by telling her my story of being abused when I was young. Only when I finished typing it did I realize it was a story of me being abused for being too feminine or being a girly boy. I also realized that's what had kept me quiet, in the closet, and that it was an essential part of who I really was inside—that there was a hurt little girl inside me that I kept hidden all these years. So it was my own subconscious that came out to me in that letter. My worldly, protected self had suppressed and still suppresses my inner self. But I am now  somewhat liberated from that and making strides to become the real me—however many genders it takes to express that.

Such a good question. Thanks for letting me share about it.

love to you all,

Davie 💜

[Saoirse 2]

On 3/2/2022 at 8:38 AM, Jackie C. said:

I probably should have really questioned it earlier, but EVERY boy cries themselves to sleep wishing they were a girl, right?

Absolutely! I knew there were others that saw the world the same way and shared my experiences. So happy to have found you!!!!

[Trans22]

If realizing that you are different to all other boys counts, around 1974.
I started questioning my gender directly after a psychologist told me that I was born with a female mind on 31-Aug-2021, I think.  That said, the approach I took was more about trying to find at least one piece of evidence to suggest that my psychologist was wrong - I tend toward perfectionism.

[Trans22]

On 3/2/2022 at 11:38 PM, Jackie C. said:

EVERY boy cries themselves to sleep wishing they were a girl, right?

I often cried myself to sleep then dreamed about being a woman.  I've cried myself to sleep then dreamed about my life ending far more often.   I cannot remember the last time either situation has happened, thankfully.

[Zelaire]

On 12/3/2022 at 1:07 AM, Trans22 said:

after a psychologist told me that I was born with a female mind

That’s the sort of clear-cut statement I suppose I’ve hoped to hear from my therapists. One way or another, therapist, just put the puzzle together from our conversations and tell me the answer. 😅 If you don’t mind me asking, @Trans22, how did this psychologist come to that conclusion? (I hear you about perfectionism, by the way. I’ve got a hearty case of that, too.)

[Trans22]

She came to the conclusion near the end of our 6th "leadership coaching" session together, with 4 of those sessions being focused on my life/existence.  I tend toward over-sharing, so she got bombarded with my pain in between my emotional breakdowns.  She managed to extract memories that I'd locked deep inside myself for many years.  I'm not sure I could explain everything in less than 100 A4 pages.  I starting compiling my life story (up to 2021) in an attempt to disprove her - I think it current stands at around 900 pages (12pt font, single line spacing) broken up into multiple eras and themes based documents.  It'd be a lot longer if I didn't re-edit it almost every day.

[Trans22]

Note that my life story (including transition story) is now a foundation of my therapy/healing.

[Zelaire]

That's fantastic, @Trans22, that you were able to share so openly with your therapist that she could gain this kind of understanding. And I suppose it's funny how our own resistance--like your 900 page "attempt to disprove her"--can become the neon light pointing out the truth. 😊 Thank you for sharing!