It’s so hard to start this conversation

[Sandra6sandy9sand]

Hi Everyone, a few years ago I told my wife that I loved wearing woman’s cloths and that I wear them all the time. Since then I have accepted that I am transgender but have not used that word to express that I am a woman inside to my wife.

 

Over the past few weeks my wife (of 42 years) and I have been attending a Bible study on human sexuality in the church. I have done a lot of reading and have a clear understanding of why I am the way I am. My lack of communication has done nothing to help her understand where I’m at. I am gripped with fear that I will loose my wife when this deep secret is revealed.

 

My wife says she loves me. I’ve told two pastors and a lesbian friend that my inner gender and outer gender don’t match and that was very hard to do. So I need to summon up the courage to move forward. This doesn’t get any easier as I get older (77).

 

Thanks for listening.

 

Sandra

[VickySGV]

The term "Bible Study and Sexuality" had me scared there for a moment as to where you were going.  Most Bible and Sexuality are 200 years out of date if not 4K.  I would recommend getting in touch with your closest LGBT Community Center, Chapter of PFLAG, and through them, a Marriage and Family Therapist who is savvy with Gender Counseling.  The MFT can be a life and mental health saver, and the other two sources can provide the most recent and best information on human sexuality and gender identity.  I am a few years behind you on age, but also know that it is better to be out and living what you have one happy day at a time.  My best hope and wishes for both you and your spouse.

[Mmindy]

2 hours ago, Sandra6sandy9sand said:

So I need to summon up the courage to move forward. This doesn’t get any easier as I get older (77).

Good afternoon @Sandra6sandy9sand There are many who have had this late in life realization and stayed married. My wife and I are working through it right now going on two years since I came out to her. We're 66 and 65 years old, married 45 years now.

 

Best wishes, stay positive, and safe.

 

Mindy🐛🏳️‍⚧️🦋

[Sandra6sandy9sand]

Hi Vicky and Mindy, thank you for your responses. The Methodist Church is questioning if it should be inclusive and welcoming to all LGBTQIA+ including same gender marriage and ordination of pastors or not. That conversation will continue in my church for a while.

 

As most people know their “different” from an early age, I’ve been moving very slowly to come out. I have looked to see if there any gender therapists close by and the closest is 100 miles.

 

Thanks again,

 

Sandra 

[Kelly2509]

@Sandra6sandy9sand oof!  Yeah I can imagine it might be hard to find one in the UP.  I'm guessing that nearest therapist is in Marquette, but you may be able to find someone in Houghton or the Sault, being the other 2 college towns up there (and I assume those schools also have some LGBTQ+ representation). Maybe not "specifically" a gender therapist, but if you look on psychology today you may find one within a reasonable distance that has gender something they work with.  My therapist is not specifically a gender therapist but she has been a really good fit for me anyway.  She had transgender in her list of "things she works with" (I forget what that section is actually called) which actually made sense since she works with a lot of adolescents.

 

Anyway, I guess my point is don't give up the search, you just might have to look a little harder and widen your net a bit.

[VickySGV]

2 hours ago, Sandra6sandy9sand said:

Hi Vicky and Mindy, thank you for your responses. The Methodist Church is questioning if it should be inclusive and welcoming to all LGBTQIA+ including same gender marriage and ordination of pastors or not. That conversation will continue in my church for a while.

 

The Methodist Church is trying hard to move forward, and I am glad to hear that that is where you are.  I am an Episcopalian where we have made that move some years back. 

[Susan R]

42 minutes ago, VickySGV said:

 

The Methodist Church is trying hard to move forward, and I am glad to hear that that is where you are.  I am an Episcopalian where we have made that move some years back. 

My Lutheran church moved forward years ago but implementation is a whole other story. It’s slow going with our much older congregation. I’ll just say there are pockets of resistance and pockets of complete acceptance. It is moving in the right direction though and that’s all I can hope for in this climate of division within the church (and society in general).

[Artpetal]

I was definitely also scared by the reference to Bible study. A book club would be normal.