Told the people important to me

[New_Anna]

Hiya everyone,

Thought I would share my coming out experience so far.

 

I have told my wife, who at the start was we supportive, picking clothes etc.

Then when she saw me I think it hit home. She is still just as supportive and is starting to come round but she is also sad. She is sad she is losing her husband, which I understand. Other than that no plans to separate, just the relationship dynamic may change slightly. I said I still find her attractive, but she said that she may not find me attractive as a woman. Suppose we will cross that bridge when we come to it.

 

Told my brother, same sort of story. Loads of acceptance and support on the day of the big reveal, no real questions, then 4 days later give me a call. Still accepting, but thinking about all the external things like parents, friends, community, kids etc... also sad that he is losing his brother, even though it will still be me. He just needs to re-adjust his future dreams with me in them

 

Next up, my best friend. Probably didn't pick a good time for this as she is having a rough time herself. She is ok with it but I can tell she doesn't want to discuss it yet. I'll give her a few weeks before bringing it up subtly again. Still gonna send her memes to cheer her up though.

 

A few other people know too. I did say that all the people I told need to have someone they can confide in, so my sister in-law knows (brothers wife) and my other sister in-law knows (wife's sister) again, they are shocked but supportive.

 

Next big step is the parents, and they are from that "keeping up appearances" generation. 

Going to give it a couple of months before I break the news to them to allow my wife and my brother to become comfortable and able to lend support.

 

So that is it so far.

Been a crazy 2 weeks, but absolutely no set backs

 

Anna 💖

 

[Jackie C.]

Sounds like a good start. I'd just remind you that if you wait until the "perfect time," you'll wait forever. It seems like you're past that though.

 

I have a similar experience with my spouse though. I've fully transitioned. She's... still straight. She tries, bless her heart, but... Something's going to give sooner or later. We're working on it.

 

Hugs!

[Jamie68]

3 hours ago, New_Anna said:

Next big step is the parents, and they are from that "keeping up appearances" generation. 

Going to give it a couple of months before I break the news to them to allow my wife and my brother to become comfortable and able to lend support.

Waiting to tell them could be good or bad. If someone that you've told says anything to your parents before you, they may or may not understand why you waited. I totally understand why you're waiting though. Luckily I didn't have to worry about this, my parents passed away years ago. It would have been tough for me also. My wife told her mom, and she's very supportive. I hope it goes well for you.

[Zelaire]

I just wanted to pop in and say congratulations on these steps, @New_Anna! It sounds like it's not been totally free of challenges, but you've been powering through them, which is inspiring.

[New_Anna]

Hi all,

 

Thought I give a bit of an update.

So the people I thought would be ok with my coming out aren't really. They are not hostile about it, but very much you do you (but not near me). Disappointing, but I did expect this.

 

On another note, my parents were a non-event.

I told them, they said, yeah not a surprise. I obviously was as secret about it when I was younger than I thought lol.

 

So I have my Wife, my Parents, my Brother (and his wife) my best (male) friend and his wife, one sister inlaw and a couple of cousins all supporting me. 

I feel extremely lucky as I know that some people don't have this level of support.

 

❤️

Anna

[pandyjak]

Hi Anna, 

 

I'm usually pretty quiet but I found the time dynamic of your journey relatable. It's a bit unnerving to think that people's support will shift over time. I guess the best we can do is keep the hope that the shift is a positive one.

 

Sending good vibes,

Jo