Coming out during uni

[Roach]

Did anyone here come out during university/college? Was it between years or semesters? Any logistical or social things you weren't expecting? I'm interested to hear anyone's experiences. 

[Spencer Phoenix]

I'm currently in my second semester at college, and only started coming out as trans a month into this semester. I did it over Snapchat for the most part, as that's where I contact most of my college friends. I found this to be a lot easier than talking with people in person because I didn't want to have that conversation a million times. However, I'm only out to one of my professors, who uses my preferred name, but I'm still going by my deadname in other classes. At my school, there's a way of changing your preferred name, gender, & pronouns with the registrar, but I decided against it until the summer bc I'm not comfortable doing that yet. Besides, the semester ends in less than 2 months for me anyways.

 

As for things I was not expecting, I definitely wasn't expecting part of my brain to go "stop lying to everyone" when introducing myself as Spencer for the first time. I know that this is who I am, but imposter syndrome can come out of nowhere sometimes. Additionally, I also wasn't expecting that a few days after I came out, some people really weren't sure how to talk to me. A lot of not referring to me with any name or pronouns, or using both excessively. It really is a transition for everybody involved, and you're social life may change. For me, I found it much easier to express myself and talk to others, though YMMV depending on your specific situation!

[Roach]

Thanks for your response Spencer! This was helpful for me. It's great that you are finding it easier to express yourself. Good luck with the last half of the semester you got this 👍

[MomTGDaughter]

I was planning to help my daughter transition in the summer of 2020, but the lockdowns gave us an opportunity to do it sooner. If you are m2f, start growing your hair, even when you are still presenting as a boy. This really helped my daughter, also dressing at home as much as possible is before going out helps you get  comfortable in your new gender.  So I think summers are best with starting to grow your hair out in January. at least this will give you shoulder length or longer hair when you start the transition. Start thinking of your new name right away. 

[Roach]

I guess lockdown somewhat worked in your favor in this situation, @MomTGDaughter. Thanks for sharing your experiences!

 

I just finished the year, and plan to be out at my job over the summer. If everything goes well, I might have enough courage to do the same at the next semester in uni. We also have a way to change name/gender in the system fairly easily. What's stopping me is mostly the mental block of coming out to people I already know.

[MomTGDaughter]

M2F or F2M?

[Roach]

@MomTGDaughterF2M

[Roach]

Just wanted to write a bit of an update. I ended up in a gender-inclusive housing situation in the dorms, because my roommate had some friends over there and it was generally more convenient. (This was before I came out to them.) While this can be used for any situation where people of different genders want to live together (family, relationship, or just friends), it had collected a lot of LGBT folks over the years, and was typically seen as a welcoming place for trans people.

 

So, my "grand" way of coming out was just to write my chosen name and pronouns in the introductions of the hall discord. A few of my friends who were in that hall (and my roommate) messaged me about it, and were very chill and supportive. Following this, I decided to change my preferred name in the system. At my uni, it is a stupidly easy process that requires about 3 mouse clicks. Unfortunately, this means it would be visible to my parents, but I'd already had an awkward conversation with them over the summer. While they were kind of ignoring it, they didn't seem outright hostile, so I assumed correctly they wouldn't challenge me.

 

Really, nothing changed much. I did get a bit nervous about classmates or professors causing a fuss, but nothing at all happened, even with my limited passing ability. I kind of unintentionally socially transitioned: now everyone calls me by my name and I haven't been misgendered in a long time (other than at the grocery store lol). I'm extremely glad everything went so smoothly.

 

The only situation I've faced is when I run into people I met in previous years who aren't part of my immediate friend group or my hall, and they just say "Hey [deadname]!" while passing by. These aren't really people I'm very close with so I'm not about to sit them down and explain everything, so I just kinda take it in stride. For people who get extremely uncomfortable about this situation, you could probably get a mutual friend to explain it. 

 

Well, that's all I can think of for now. I know I was really agonizing about this before I headed back to school, and I'm just really glad I took the leap of casually introducing myself towards the start of the academic year. If I remember anything else I'll add it. This has just been my experience, not sure if this helps for anyone but I figured I'd add it.

[DonkeySocks]

2 hours ago, Roach said:

So, my "grand" way of coming out was just to write my chosen name and pronouns in the introductions of the hall discord.

I'm not quite sure from your tone whether it feels to you like this method was a little anticlimactic or not, but this is a huge step and I'm super happy for you! Thanks for sharing!

[Roach]

Thanks @DonkeySocks! I appreciate your words, it means a lot. To be honest, I'm glad it was anticlimactic!