Nice to meet you :)

[blinkyrtx]

My name's Cam and I'm a transmasc non-binary. I'm 22, turning 23 in May and I'm a Cuban American. Currently in university part-time and working as a freelancer in video editing. Been in the content creation field for over 10 years now.

 

Well, recently, I spoke to my trans friends and I just found out that being non-binary is generally under the transgender spectrum and that sort of brought back really bad conflicting feelings. I just found out why I've been jealous and had/have hatred towards people, specifically men and to myself and that it meant that I've always had internalized transphobia.

 

It's been really hard to not cry because of it. I've been in a very strict, conservative household for most of my life. I got outed by my family at 18 as a lesbian and I had to run away. Basically, it was very difficult to express myself, let alone cut my hair, date women or pick my own style. I was controlled by my parents and got a lot of trauma especially from my dad. He'd dislike and threaten me that if I was a tomboy or wanted to be a boy, I'd get punished.

 

When I was younger, this is where it all started, these conflicting feelings about gender. I always felt weak, I felt like I needed to compete against the boys in my family. I never felt feminine in a sense, never wanted that. So this stirred up a very strong envy towards wanting to be masculine but I never thought much of it. I once identified as genderfluid but it was nothing more than a term. It wasn't until last year that I started to experiment with he/they pronouns and being non-binary. I realized that I disliked being referred as feminine or as a girl. It all started to make sense. I never had the chance to really look into my gender identity as the toxic femininity and masculinity stuff in my family just brought me to not care about myself. I want to change that.

 

It wasn't until now that I've been thinking about how I felt. I'm considering getting on T but unfortunately I still live with my mother and it'll be difficult to get insurance on my own as I've never really researched for myself. I want to go to a gender specialist first before even considering such a big decision but it makes sense. A lot of it actually. And eventually I want to move out soon and start.

 

Nice to meet you all, I hope I can meet people like me, expose myself in a healthy way and get support.

[Sol]

Hey, Cam! Nice to meet you and welcome to Trans Pulse!

You're going through a lot and dealing with family is always hard, even if they can seem supportive, so you're not alone. I'm glad you've found and explored your gender and I'm sure you can continue to in the future.

Best advice I can give: one step at a time. Stuff may seem really overwhelming, especially as you start to become financially independent from your parents. Researching insurance would be a good step, but go into it knowing that you don't have to make a final decision right that minute. A "gotta go fast" mindset will not be your friend here. You can research insurance and how to set it up while searching for a gender therapist or specialist, but this is just a suggestion; take whatever steps you need so that you're comfortable. 

And your identity is valid and you can move beyond those toxic ideas that your parents caused. I'm doing that now, and I know it's possible, it just takes a bit. 

I hope this helps, and welcome to Trans Pulse!

[blinkyrtx]

5 minutes ago, Sol said:

Hey, Cam! Nice to meet you and welcome to Trans Pulse!

You're going through a lot and dealing with family is always hard, even if they can seem supportive, so you're not alone. I'm glad you've found and explored your gender and I'm sure you can continue to in the future.

Best advice I can give: one step at a time. Stuff may seem really overwhelming, especially as you start to become financially independent from your parents. Researching insurance would be a good step, but go into it knowing that you don't have to make a final decision right that minute. A "gotta go fast" mindset will not be your friend here. You can research insurance and how to set it up while searching for a gender therapist or specialist, but this is just a suggestion; take whatever steps you need so that you're comfortable. 

And your identity is valid and you can move beyond those toxic ideas that your parents caused. I'm doing that now, and I know it's possible, it just takes a bit. 

I hope this helps, and welcome to Trans Pulse!

Nice to meet you Sol

Yeah, it's difficult for sure. It's gotten better since I don't live with my dad or associate myself with his family. My mom is a little more easier with live with so I'm thankful for that at least.

 

Thank you for that. I know it looks like I'm rushing but it's more so of "Wow, it kinda makes sense" but I definitely do want to take my time. It's a huge step and change for the future, especially with being financially independent as well.

 

I will definitely take the steps I need! Thank you and I'm proud of you as well

[Delcina B]

Welcome Cam! Glad you're here. A rough start, but you have a plan & that's great. A book I was recommended by someone here you might find helpful is You and Your Gender Identity by Dara Hoffman Fox. They read it on YouTube as well. It helped me while waiting to see my therapist. I hope you find the wonderful support, advice & acceptance here as I have.

 

Hugs!

Delcina

[Vidanjali]

Hi Cam & welcome to the community. As soon as I read you're Cuban-American, I thought - I wonder if they live in South Florida. I looked at your profile and saw indeed you do. I'm your neighbor up in Broward County. I'm sorry you've been through what you shared. Just know we got your back here. Much love. 

[blinkyrtx]

14 hours ago, Delcina B said:

Welcome Cam! Glad you're here. A rough start, but you have a plan & that's great. A book I was recommended by someone here you might find helpful is You and Your Gender Identity by Dara Hoffman Fox. They read it on YouTube as well. It helped me while waiting to see my therapist. I hope you find the wonderful support, advice & acceptance here as I have.

 

Hugs!

Delcina

Thank you so much Delcina, I appreciate that.

 

I'll definitely look into that! I don't often read books but with topics I like, I'm more inclined to. Thanks again! You're too kind ❤️

[blinkyrtx]

14 hours ago, Vidanjali said:

Hi Cam & welcome to the community. As soon as I read you're Cuban-American, I thought - I wonder if they live in South Florida. I looked at your profile and saw indeed you do. I'm your neighbor up in Broward County. I'm sorry you've been through what you shared. Just know we got your back here. Much love. 

Thanks so much Vidanjali!

 

And I'm so glad I have a neighbor who understands! 🥺 Thank you so much, that really means a lot. I hope this website can help me get support ❤️