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Roach

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Hey folks, my username is Roach. Not my real name but I'm tryna keep some anonymity here, ya feel me. Figured I'd finally write an introduction.

 

I have often found myself browsing certain online websites about trans topics and finding it exhausting. One google search later, I stumbled across this forum, and I appreciate the tone and style of all the folks here. (Seriously y'all got fashion skills.) I do get nervous actually posting things online; Honestly, who cares about what I think? However, I have tried to interact a bit on this forum. Maybe in the future I'll have something meaningful to say.

 

I struggle a LOT with expressing myself. I don't know what I'm feeling, and I don't know how to put it into words. Am I truly experiencing something, or have I just convinced myself that's what I SHOULD be feeling? I wrote an entire introduction and completely skirted around the fact that I suspect I'm trans--Actually, that's not right. I WISH I was trans, so I've basically tailored certain parts of my life to give that appearance, even if it's not something I would normally do. There's definitely an issue that needs to be addressed, I spend way too many waking hours thinking about this.


I have tried to get a therapist but I always back out. I feel like no matter what I do, I will always lie about how I'm feeling. I wish I could just look into the future and see if I'm making the right choice. Kinda dreading what's to come next. Guess I'll just have to try wading through harder times. I do genuinely enjoy life, even with its bad days, or weeks, or months. Still trying to secure a good group of people I'd like to be around, but I'm sure they'll show up... Or maybe I already know them?

 

Anyway.

 

There's this one burrito place near my house that is probably one of the sole motivators for me to continue my degree. I also think construction equipment looks REALLY cool like damn, have you SEEN the linear actuators on excavators??

 

If this sounds drawn out and incoherent, that's cuz it is. Apologies for my disastrous use of different tenses. Not entirely sure why I wrote this again... 

 

It's so good to meet you all. Thanks for stopping by and have a lovely day/night everyone!

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First of all, welcome to the forums Roach. You have found a wonderful support group here. 

Second, you say that you don't know how to put you thoughts into word, but I think you expressed yourself very well. Even if you think you were incoherent, just putting your thoughts in writing is theraputic. We are here to listen and answer any questions or concerns you may have. 

 

Hugs,

Brandi

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Hello Roach, I'd do yourself a favor and see a therapist they don't bite just find a good gender therapist Thats how I started out by seeking one thru the lbgtq+ place in California and they gave me several names did a world of good for me that's where I would start....

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Hi @Andrea Jean. Thanks for the encouragement. I never thought my issues were particularly urgent, so I kept putting it off. I think you're right, I might start looking for someone professional again.

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Howdy @Roach . I think construction equipment looks awesome too. I make art and recently started a series of paintings of cement mixers because I find them beautiful. We're happy to hear from you whether you think you seem to be making sense or not. I second what Brandi said - that the process of writing is therapeutic. You've reached out for some reason. You don't need to justify the specific reason - just that you were so inclined. Looking forward to getting to know you better. Peace. 

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Hi Roach,

Welcome to Transpulse. I'm glad you're here.

 

Lots of love and a big welcome hug,

Timber Wolf🐾

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Hi Roach.  I hope you never find enemies here!  You certainly won't hear much negative from me about the workings of hydraulics.  

My therapist helped me a great deal to accept myself as i am.  The path we take is often different for many of us but time here and therapy has certainly helped me.

 

Hugs,

 

Charlize

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Welcome Roach! Glad you're here. You might find the book You and Your Gender Identity by Dara Hoffman Fox helpful; I know I did. They also read it on YouTube, if you want to check it out. About the future & knowing if it's for you, you'll never know what's in a dark room if you don't turn on the light, step in & look around. I hope you find the wonderful support, advice & acceptance here as I have.

 

Hugs!

Delcina

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