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Spaziod

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Mm,Hi I'm bradley I'm 42 born a male I've always felt different and even though I can remember trying on girls clothes at a young age and a few other things but my earliest memories of feeling different that stands out was when I was in middle school in the boys locker room I felt so out of place like my body didn't feel like the other boys looked I was smaller skinny I just didn't feel I matched but on to all the things I think back of some of the things that stick out are dreams I remember as long as I can remember having dreams of being a girl and being upset when I woke up a boy still, I always thought life would be easier as a girl, ive never like bright color clothes but actually I love bright colors, I hate shopping for mens clothes...but I can shop for women's clothes all day, and one of the biggest things is being attracted to men but not feeling gay and that's a hard one...but my biggest realization came when I was working and a guy came in in a skirt and stockings (not dressed as a woman) I knew I felt something that really started the feeling of realization so as I lay here ready for bed in women's underwear and cute shorts and matching racerback tank feeling more comfortable than I have ever felt in mens clothes I have got to say I truly believe I am transgender and would like to start hrt mtf (sorry I don't know all the terms and how to use them) but scared of all the what ifs thanks for reading this and any advice or personal stories are greatly appreciated 

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Hi and welcome this forum, it's full of very helpful people from our community. 

Im very new myself and have similar memories but today i rang the doctors and it was hard but im so happy and scared that i have done it.

hopefully someone here with alot more experience will reply soon but just know by joining this forum everything just got alot easier. 

 

Xxx

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  • Forum Moderator

Hello and Welcome @Spaziod. You’ve found a place where you can find answers, advice, and the possibility of friendship. We are here to help one another whether transgender or allie’s of someone transgender.

 

8 hours ago, Spaziod said:

I've always felt different and even though I can remember trying on girls clothes at a young age and a few other things but my earliest memories of feeling different that stands out was when I was in middle school in the boys locker room I felt so out of place

Like many others here, I too felt like I was a little different and in the wrong locker room. I did my best to mimic the way the boys were but it always felt somewhat fake and crass for my taste. I always felt less than the others and blamed myself for not thinking like the boys. Back then I had no idea that it was primarily my body that was at issue, not my mind.

 

8 hours ago, Spaziod said:

my biggest realization came when I was working and a guy came in in a skirt and stockings (not dressed as a woman) I knew I felt something that really started the feeling of realization

It’s amazing how small interactions like this can bring about some monumental changes in our lives. I call them “triggers”. Seeing part of yourself in this individual at work likely hit home and got you thinking about your own life. Although, I understand your thoughts may have been different but the effect is the same. It’s sort of like looking into the proverbial rabbit hole and falling in. Everyone’s journey has to start somewhere….I wish you the very best on yours.

 

Warmest Regards,

Susan R🌷

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Thanks for the kind words and yes the triggers when I do certain things or wear certain clothes or when I can take the time to shave body hair and have a smooth body I think it's called gender euphoria at first I thought it was sexual but when I can I tuck and wear women's underwear and bra under my clothes and I just feel different in a good way

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  • Forum Moderator

Glad you're here. Susan always says it best.

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Welcome Bradley! Glad you're here. A book you may find helpful is You and Your Gender Identity by Dara Hoffman Fox, I know I did after someone here recommended it. They read it on YouTube as well. I hope you find the wonderful support, advice & acceptance here as I have.

 

Hugs!

Delcina

 

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HI, @Spaziod! Your story (and the feelings which have led you to us) are pretty similar to those we've all felt at some point along our path. You are so welcome here and it's wonderful to meet you!💜

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