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Using chosen name while closeted

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What are some situations I can use my chosen name? For example, when they ask for a name while ordering food. Any other ideas?

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I couldn't use Hannah until after l came out to my wife. I didn't tell her my name, but I started using it with my therapist after the first session. A few months after my wife and I separated last year, I started using Hannah whenever I ordered new wardrobe items on line. So I guess if you live alone, maybe try something like that. I found it very satisfying to see my name on mail, etc.

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when i started, I used it with my support group, therapist, doctor and to order food.  Then I started using it when I had things delivered in the mail and on all my streaming accounts.  Eventually I began using it with friends and finally at work.  After almost a year and a half I will have my legal changed in about 4 weeks.

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Use your chosen name whenever you can! Its going to be euphoric hearing it or seeing it on mail, etc. but don't feel like you have to rush into every situation either. Like some of the other replies above, I started with a few discreet people like my support group, therapist, etc. and then worked up to mail orders, a widening group of friends, the cute grocery delivery boy (thank you pandemic), etc. Its sometimes hard to realize that we tend to batch people in our lives and those groups rarely have any interaction (for instance family, friends, party posse, work, etc.), so don't be to concerned that telling one or two people is telling the world. It also helps you get used to hearing your name when you are not expecting it. I had a friend in my group therapy trying to get my attention across a crowded room one night when she yelled out my name and I immediately responded. At the time, I didn't really know how integrated my name was becoming to my own inner self, but afterward I was like, "Ya, this is me... and I like it!" 😊

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  • 3 weeks later...

Not quite the same as having other people use it, but I sat down a while back and wrote out a vision for myself which I titled ‘Becoming Samuel’. I thought about what sort of man I want to be, the life I want to lead, how I imagine feeling, etc. Each night before bed, I choose one little action or goal for the next day which takes me a teeny tiny bit closer to that vision, and I think of it as my ‘becoming Samuel’ moment. It ranges from small things (like making a time to put together a Lego model) to the occasional big, scary thing (like signing up for coaching at a gym run by a trans man who helps people shape their bodies through exercise to better suit their identities). 

I started this as a way of taking manageable, non-terrifying action, but a nice bonus has been that more and more I’m calling MYSELF Samuel inside my own head. Throughout the day, I find myself noticing more and more things I’m doing that nudge me out of my current comfort zone - ‘Hey, that was a definite Samuel choice. Go, me!’ 

It seems a little silly when I see it written down like this, but being very deeply in the closet at the moment, I’ve found it helps. 



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Thank you everyone for your thoughtful responses! I've taken some of the advice in this thread and it helps me a lot. I appreciate it.

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  • 2 weeks later...

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