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Fly2188

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Hi all, I'm new here and new to seriously questioning my gender identity (AMAB, mtf?, non-binary?). I'm not sure where it will lead or in what timeframe it will lead there, but here I am starting down this path. 

 

A bit of background: I've been crossdressing (well, underdressing) on and off for years. I switch to panties and got rid of all my icky mens underwear probably 5 years ago, if not longer. Since covid hit and I started working from home I started wearing a bra everyday. This year I started back in the office and continued to wear my bras under my clothing and it just feels so right (for lack of a better term). 

 

Now, crossdressing is one thing, but full on questioning of my gender identity? Noticing that I was dressing more than normal, my wife asked me, "do you want to be a girl?" Well that brought out a wave of emotions/thoughts. "yes?", "no?", "I don't know?" I didn't know how to answer. I'd never really thought about it like that before.

 

Do I want to? Yes, but I couldn't do that to my family. I'd never be able to pass as a women. In my next life, I'd 100% choose to be born a women (if given that option).

 

What about if family were no obstacle, the medical industry didn't have any requirements, and people were 100% accepting? I'd probably already be on feminizing hormones. Would I have any surgeries? Probably not, then again (and this just resurfaced) I have memories of being about 8 years old and wishing I wasn't my own gender. 

 

Where does this leave me? I think "questioning" is the best answer. We'll see where the future takes me. 

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  • Forum Moderator

Welcome @Fly2188. In regard to helping you with questioning your gender identity, a wonderful workbook to help you ask yourself the right questions is written by Dara Hoffman-Fox (see below) - it is reasonably priced and the best tool I found to help me in my journey. 

Hugs,

Heather

 

You and Your Gender Identity: A Guide to Discovery

by Dara Hoffman-Fox, Zander Keig, et al. | Sep 26, 2017
 FREE Delivery Fri, Apr 29
More Buying Choices
$10.72(39 used & new offers)
 
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  • Forum Moderator

Good afternoon @Fly2188

 

Welcome to TransPulseForums, there are a lot of resources out there for you. @Heather Shaypointed out one, and I'm sure there will be others adding to the list. Look around the forums, jump in on conversations, and other questions about how they see things.

 

Most of all stay positive, motivated, and safe.

 

Mindy🐛🏳️‍⚧️🦋

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Welcome, @Fly2188. We're here for you as you continue your journey of self-discovery. I hope you find this community as uplifting and inspiring as I have.

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Hi, @Fly2188!  Here's my favorite resource:  How to Understand Your Gender: A Practical Guide for Exploring Who You Are by Alex Iantaffi and Meg-John Barker.  Not expensive and easy to order.  This book provides extremely useful exercises.  I highly recommend it.

 

At some point on this journey, consider working with a gender therapist (and also including your spouse if they are willing) -- it can really help with your sorting things out.

 

Best wishes,

 

Astrid

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Welcome Fly! Glad you're here. One of the comforting things I've found on this journey exploring my femme is gender is a spectrum & mine is where I feel most comfortable on it. I hope you find the wonderful support, advice & acceptance here as I have.

 

Hugs!

Delcina

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Hi Fly2188,

Welcome to Transpulse. I'm glad you're here.

 

Lots of love and a big welcome hug,

Timber Wolf🐾

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Thanks everyone. And thanks for the book recommendations. I have to admit buying one of those books seems harder and more stressful than seeing a gender therapist. 
 

in general our household is very open to therapy, but I’m not sure how those books showing up on the front porch would go over. 
 

Would it be a waste of time to start with a therapist before reading a book like that. Are there any alternatives to those books (podcasts, online questions to get me thinking, etc)?

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Agreed - Dr. Z with well worth the reviewing of her YouTube channel.

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Hi @Fly2188 Welcome to the forums, I also recently bought the book You and Your Gender Identity: A Guide to Discovery recommended by @Heather Shay it's definitely worth the price. It takes the form of a workbook which I'm slowly working through. You don't need to buy the printed edition, I'm using the kindle edition with the kindle reader app on my PC and a word document that I use as the workbook. Judging by the amount I wrote in the various preparation questions, the printed book wouldn't have enough room for everything anyway, so even if you bought that version, you'd likely end up with a separate notebook or word document.
 

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Thanks for all the suggestions for resources. I have to admit that in just the past week so many more experiences have come to mind. I guess I had just forgotten them, repressed them, or not thought about it in a while. But I have distinct memories scattered throughout my life of trying to push towards being more feminine.

 

I also realized that I’ve been misgendered (correctly gendered?) many times in my life and always like when someone does it. “You’re such a girl”. “You make a good housewife”. “Ma’am”. “There you go girls”. I get a euphoria whenever it happens. 
 

I’m not sure why I’d forgotten these, but as I question myself, I find some of these experiences coming to mind. 

 

 

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Hi Fly! The reflection you're doing is a part of what's done in the fore-mentioned work book. I found it very helpful to journal my early thoughts & feelings about gender, as well as the suggested self care before & after. I had a lot of self hate because I felt different than what family & society expected of me.

 

Hugs!

Delcina

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