Jump to content
  • Welcome to the TransPulse Forums!

    We offer a safe, inclusive community for transgender and gender non-conforming folks, as well as their loved ones, to find support and information.  Join today!

Deer caught in headlights


Maria Viklund

Recommended Posts

Trying to go out there and just doing my own thing i canst shake the feeling that everyone is looking at me

and that makes me feel like the classic "deer caught in headlights".

I know that feeling will pass eventually, as my transition progresses further.

But for now, not "passing" at all (i would say) it's really hard but i know that if

i push myself to go out there it will become easier.

But how long will it take to shake that feeling of everyone looking at me?

Link to comment
  • Admin

I have a TRUE story of my own experience about opening the door of a women's rest room and seeing a very Terrible and Judgmental woman coming toward me whom I felt would cause trouble for me.  It turned out that there was a mirror on the wall, and I was the woman I feared the most.   I did not see the moral and theme at the time, but today I laugh over it and with feelings of humility admit I was the worst saboteur of my own Transition from start to finish.

Link to comment
5 hours ago, Maria Viklund said:

Trying to go out there and just doing my own thing i canst shake the feeling that everyone is looking at me

and that makes me feel like the classic "deer caught in headlights".

I know that feeling will pass eventually, as my transition progresses further.

But for now, not "passing" at all (i would say) it's really hard but i know that if

i push myself to go out there it will become easier.

But how long will it take to shake that feeling of everyone looking at me?

I started off slowly last summer, walking around the local park, wearing more or less female-looking clothing. I just knew that I was being judged, but just tried to put it out of my mind. Cold weather dress here in northern Illinois, along with masking, helped me feel more at ease - nobody giveaways that I'm trans. It allowed me to become truly comfortable dressing female out and about. As the masks and extra layers have all but disappeared (still not quite shorts and tank top weather here), I am now even more comfortable in my own skin and manner of dress. Do I pass all the time, frequently, or occasionally? I don't know, but being Hannah 95% of the time (and being old) allows me to not give a (insert naughty word of your choice here) what anybody else thinks. No time frame really - different for everyone. Like you said, just push it and get out there. You are you, and they're not.

Link to comment

Oh my, @Maria Viklundyou have brought back memories of the not so distant past. It was a year ago this past December when I first ever stepped out of the house (full disclosure - the camper I live in) dressed en femme. In the dark of night way out in the country I was so scared someone would jump out of the bushes & see me. No one did, & after a bit I felt so exhilarated. The first few times out driving to therapy & group were much the same.  In group one girl explained it like  this, "Everyone is too busy with their own life & problems to really notice you; if they do look, the guys normally go from looking down & stop at the chest, women may look at your face and if by chance "clock" you (notice you're transgender) will mostly just smile." I've found this to be partially true. While I still feel self conscious a lot of the time, I try not to show it & exude confidence instead, as the same girl suggested. If someone can't accept me that's their issue not mine. Do I pass, probably not very often, but I'm more comfortable in my skin today than ever. I try to improve my presentation & work on my voice, it's a work in progress.

 

@VickySGVThat is a wonderful story & so true for me too.

 

Hugs!

Delcina

Link to comment

It took me about 6 months to get past that. That's being out full time.  You're going to go through phases of it. Winter is usually easier because you are bundled up more but then summer rolls around...

The last time I was concerned was when I pushed the limits on a bathing suit while in the tropics.  I"m sure I get looks of curiosity but I've stopped looking around to see if people are staring.  Psychologically the shift came when I realized I loved who I was becoming and no longer worried if I "passed". I'm OK if people see me and instantly know I'm trans. Once I hit that point, I never worried again (expect the one bathing suit but that may not have been so much a trans thing as a "am I going to fall out of this thing" worry. lol

 

Link to comment
  • Forum Moderator
16 hours ago, Maria Viklund said:

how long will it take to shake that feeling of everyone looking at me?

Hi @Maria Viklund, I’m sure this varies greatly within our community. It was much easier when I was younger and hanging out in the predominant LGBTQ area of Seattle. I very quickly became comfortable because the community presence was so prominent and no one seems to judge one another.

 

I met my wife and went back into the closet. Flash forward 20 years later, I finally came out a second time. It took me about 6-7 months before I felt comfortable enough to go full time presenting as my true self in a very CIS dominant public area. I realized then that Susan is who I really was and that I deserve to be myself despite what others thought. It’s been mostly good throughout my journey.

 

I don’t have nearly as many worries about it now but on rare occasions, I am caught by surprise. I think 3-4 months ago was my last experience dealing with this kind of worry. I was on my daily walk and asked a neighbor friend down the road something in passing and he quickly responded to me with a “Yes Sir!” and went about his business like it was nothing. I didn’t respond as I didn’t know if it was intentional. It could have been just a no brainer military response as some have suggested but I was surprised it bothered me so very much. For a short time, I began to think (worry?) about my presentation more than I used to in public. After working through it with my therapist and some good friends here, my confidence seemed to eventually return. Maybe I’m the only one here that still has these occasional experiences after all these years but I can tell you, it does get better in time.

 

Susan R🌷

Link to comment
  • Forum Moderator

Early on i remember those first steps out.  It was terrifying.  I would drive somewhere where i could change in the car and each time i got out of the car i was sure everybody was watching me.  Little by little i forced myself to get out of the car and by a pack of gum or a soda.  I would get home and try to remember every interaction.   I'm not sure how long it took to feel comfortable but  be assured it happens.  In time i've found a level of comfort in myself that almost amazes me.  

 

Hugs,

 

Charlize

Link to comment

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!

Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.

Sign In Now
  • Who's Online   1 Member, 0 Anonymous, 37 Guests (See full list)

    • DeeDee
  • Recently Browsing   0 members

    • No registered users viewing this page.
  • Forum Statistics

    • Total Topics
      76.5k
    • Total Posts
      717.3k
  • Member Statistics

    • Total Members
      9,496
    • Most Online
      8,356

    LauraMarie
    Newest Member
    LauraMarie
    Joined
  • Today's Birthdays

    1. Shawnster
      Shawnster
      (52 years old)
  • Posts

    • Carolyn Marie
      Welcome to Trans Pulse, Jen.  Glad you're here, and please let us know what questions you have and how we can help and support you.   HUGS   Carolyn Marie
    • Carolyn Marie
      Welcome to Trans Pulse, LauraMarie.  I'm sure we can learn as much from you as you can from any of us.  You are a pioneer!  Congrats on your long marriage, too.  We welcome your contributions to these forums.   HUGS   Carolyn Marie
    • Zelaire
      I really liked that, Ticket! Now I'm looking up more of her music...
    • Zelaire
      I waver and waffle, but I usually wind up on the right side of the hill by the end. I suppose it's a combination of letting myself feel the feelings, then taking steps to move forward. Sometimes it's journaling about my feelings and tracking them back and forth in words. Sometimes it's having a conversation with a friend or my wife. Sometimes it's a nap. When things are really bad, I think of my wife and kids and how much I love them and how I would march through fire for them.
    • Zelaire
      Welcome, LauraMarie! 😊
    • Delcina B
      Welcome Laura Marie! Glad you're here. I stopped to think what my life was like in 1992. It wasn't transitioning, I was deep in the corner of a dark closet, with a lot of self hate & denial. How did you come to accept you as you? Was there any support?   Hugs! Delcina 
    • CD Rachel
      I am having a difficult time with this hiding. So I think I am going to start pushing my boundaries. This week I came out to a friend at work. He is supportive and told me he is available if I need to talk. I then spoke to my brother and he and his wife now know. They both told me that they still love me and though they do not understand that this is about my happiness and they want me to be happy. I plan on talking to my sister soon. Then the hard part will be talking to my son, he worries me the most but this must be done. Then i will start to look at work. I would like to be full time by the end of this summer.   Done hiding!    ~Rachel 
    • Delcina B
      Welcome Jen! Glad you're here. Hope you find the wonderful support, advice & acceptance here as I have.   Hugs! Delcina
    • KymmieL
      Well had a good feeling today. Our apt is about 50 yrds from the parking lot. It is a PIA. SO today I am walking out to do some work on the wagon. Get her ready for the road trip tomorrow.   I notice that my pony tail is bouncing as I walked. Just like a girls does. I made me feel great.   Kymmie
    • LauraMarie
      Same here! 
    • Artpetal
      Hi it's nice to meet you
    • Artpetal
      I'm naturally a happy person and it's only the bad things that have made me more timid over the years. It's easy to be happy and it's difficult (with a -cult) to be upset...
    • Jandi
      Of course. IMG_0414.HEIC
    • Jani
      Knowing that I am stronger than all the crap thrown at me over my lifetime.  
    • Hannah Renee
      I forgot to mention. Second day on my new job. Yesterday was all paperwork, today was all over the plant. Introduced to everyone as Hannah, and she this, her that. So awesome. Then I found out that my name badge can't have Hannah on it until I legally change my name. Not what I was initially told.😟 It actually didn't hit me all that hard at first, until I was introduced to a couple of folks in the same job who had their name badges hanging on their shirt pockets. Got kinda triggered.😬
  • Upcoming Events

Contact TransPulse

TransPulse can be contacted in the following ways:

Email: Click Here.

To report an error on this page.

Legal

Your use of this site is subject to the following rules and policies, whether you have read them or not.

Terms of Use
Privacy Policy
DMCA Policy
Community Rules

Hosting

Upstream hosting for TransPulse provided by QnEZ.

Sponsorship

Special consideration for TransPulse is kindly provided by The Breast Form Store.
×
×
  • Create New...