I came out, parents sulking

[Tellington]

So I came out to my parents as non-binary in the beginning of January, when I began to tell people about my new name. They've always refused to call me by that name, even telling me it was "a huge disrespect" that I asked them to do it. I was pretty surprised, because they pride themselves on being liberals and tolerant and they've never been really strict either. They refuse to use the French neutral pronoun to talk about me, or even my non-binary friends (I will tell them "my friend Val, they..." and they will answer "oh yeah, she...").

 

I was nervous to tell them I was taking testosterone, but I wanted to do it, so I sent them a message when I was sure they were online (we had said "hi" just before). The message told them about the T and I added a flyer for the family members of trans people. They read the message but didn't answer. That was yesterday (or the day before, since it's now 2am where I am). I feel like they're sulking.

 

Has anyone dealt with... the absence of reaction to their coming-out?

[Astrid]

The fact that your parents are not responding to your email strikes me as passive aggressive behavior -- avoiding direct expression of disapproval.  Directly addressing issues can be difficult for some people; ln the other hand, it's not been all that long since you sent them your email.  I might suggest waiting a few days longer and then asking them for a video call (assuming you're not near where they live, currently) to discuss the things that are important to you.  It's good that you wish to keep lines of communication open.  It may require some time for them to understand and accept that being non-binary is both real and essential to your well-being.

 

Good luck with getting others (and not just your immediate family) to observe your preferred pronouns.  It can be difficult especially for we who are non-binary, since we are not trying to "pass" as the opposite gender.

 

With best wishes,

 

Astrid

[Susan R]

6 hours ago, Tellington said:

I was pretty surprised, because they pride themselves on being liberals and tolerant and they've never been really strict either.

In my coming out experiences, even proclaimed LGBTQ allie’s will, on occasion, toss out their support when it’s just too close to home….at least initially.

 

I have three daughters and two of them were part of the LGBTQ community in their younger years. When I came out to those two over three years ago, I thought they’d accept me unconditionally. Neither accepted me initially…I guess it was too much too soon! Since that time, one of the two unaccepting daughters has done a complete 180° reversal and is my personal advocate. Sadly, the other daughter no longer acknowledges my existence and there’s not a thing I can do.

 

All I can say is try be as patient with them as possible and give your parents a little time and space if needed. I think it might be harder for parents to make the shift no matter where their ideology rests. I’m still amazed when I see a parent post on this forum who supports their child coming out as trans without even blinking. When it happens, all I think about are the shortcomings in my parents which tends to cut deep. I hope in time your parents come around or at least try to be a little more understanding and communicative with you.

 

*Hugs*

Susan R🌷

[Charlize]

I think when we come out tom parents it affects their expectations and dreams.  In my experience time has smoothed the path to a changed but good relationship. My journey wasn't easy for my loved ones or for me but years later we peacefully interact with love and care.

 

Hugs,

 

Charlize

[Tellington]

Thanks everyone for your replies.

 

It was not an email but a WhatsApp message, which makes it kinda worse that they didn't answer right away?

 

It's been two days now, I've tried calling them but they didn't pick up.