Have to express myself - can't wait - but how?

[awkward-yet-sweet]

I've hinted at my identity/body issues, but I haven't really been able to discuss it openly.  I feel like I'm terribly awkward with words, and when I've tried to bring it up with my husband I never seem to feel like it is the right time.  I'm terrified, but I don't think putting this off is doing me any good.  I have to talk with him and either get help and comfort or get a heartbreak.   I think my female partners will be (mostly) fine with me, but my husband is the unknown.  

 

I've seen a thread in this section with people's letters... do y'all think that maybe writing a letter in advance of a conversation would be helpful? 

[Carolyn Marie]

A letter is a perfectly valid approach to coming out to a loved one.  It avoids the issue of getting tongue-tied or not remembering exactly what points you wanted to make, and gives you a chance to provide some written materials to support you.  There is plenty on the Internet you can download.

 

The downside is that it can be impersonal, but if you just use it as a way to get the conversation started, it could work well.  Many on these forums have done so.  If you have a therapist, they can help you craft the letter.  I wish you luck and success.

 

Carolyn Marie

[Vidanjali]

I agree with Carolyn Marie - letter writing is an excellent exercise to figure out how to say what you want to say. Moreover, the process of writing may give you greater insight about yourself which you may not have realized. Note that heartbreak or help & comfort may not be the inevitable outcomes of an honest conversation with your husband. In my experience, for example, it's been both to varying degrees at different times. My point is, if the initial reaction is that of heartbreak, do your best not to despair or give up because with effort and devotion, heartbreak can be healed and comfort can be found. 

[awkward-yet-sweet]

Thanks for the supportive words.  I've been working on a letter on and off all day.  I thought I could do it in an hour or so, but that was way too optimistic.  Writing, rewriting, erasing, deleting, swearing...  I was meant to draw and create graphic art, not write meaningful stuff. 🙄

 

I even had a nightmare last night about this whole thing and woke up at 3am freaking out.  Wish I had a therapist to help me craft the letter, but I'm an odd enough critter I never found a counselor to my liking. 

[Astrid]

2 hours ago, awkward-yet-sweet said:

I was meant to draw and create graphic art, not write meaningful stuff.

 

By all means, consider including drawing(s) that represents your feelings, or of how the internal you currently relates to the external world.  Art can be powerful!

 

With warm regards and encouragement,

 

Astrid

[awkward-yet-sweet]

It worked!!! Thank God in heaven that it worked!

 

I approached my husband with a letter on Saturday.  I swear the walk down the hall into his office/den was the longest 20 feet of my life.  As soon as he started to read it, he reached out for me and put me in his lap, and the whole time he was reading he just kept stroking my back.  At the end, he told me that while he has a bit of discomfort about me maybe being a boy instead of a girl, he gets that I'm the one having way more discomfort.  He mostly wanted to know if I was leaving our marriage and family...once he figured out that I really want what we have, he told me that he believes our marriage is meant to last forever no matter what. 

 

So, I still have a husband and he still loves me! 💘  My female partners are becoming aware of this in various degrees, so there's still some progress to do in that area.  My husband and I kind of fell into our relationship and we never had a real dating process.  He suggested that we actually "date" each other for a while, spending more 1-on-1 time than usual while I process what's going on. 

[LearningWhoIAm]

On 6/5/2022 at 5:33 PM, awkward-yet-sweet said:

 

 

So, I still have a husband and he still loves me! 💘  My female partners are becoming aware of this in various degrees, so there's still some progress to do in that area.  My husband and I kind of fell into our relationship and we never had a real dating process.  He suggested that we actually "date" each other for a while, spending more 1-on-1 time than usual while I process what's going on. 

I'm so glad it went well! Congratulations!

[Zelaire]

So glad to hear how your conversation went, @awkward-yet-sweet. This sounds like a beautiful opportunity for both of you to find a deeper connection in your relationship, and your husband intends to be there with you. ❤️

[Susan R]

I’m late to this thread @awkward-yet-sweet but nonetheless I am very happy to hear that your coming out to your husband went well. He sounds so loving and compassionate. You are very lucky to have such a wonderful person as a support and loved one. I wish you the best on your continuing self discovery and growth in your marraige.

 

*Hugs*

Susan R🌷

[awkward-yet-sweet]

Thanks for the positive vibes, y'all.  It does help!  So far I'm a week into this openness with my husband, and I'm just continually surprised.  I half expected a distancing between us even with what he said, but it hasn't happened.  I'm starting to dare to hope that it is real 🙂