Advice on Coming Out

[Jillian1941]

Hello,  I’m new to website and this forum!  While I realize it is not likely, I’m hoping someone who reads this will have a situation very similar to mine and maybe have already walked where I’m thinking of going. 

 

So a bit about me...  I guess you would categorize me as a crossdresser.  Though I do have a bit of male underwear, I pretty much wear panties all the time and I have for most of my adult life.  At home I also wear a bra almost all the time at home.  I have two sets of bras.  Some A-cup t-shirt bras for when I might not be wearing it for too long and I don’t want to get involved with breast forms.  I also have C-cup bras which hold my body-size appropriate breast forms.  I also wear nightgowns and other frilly femme sleepwear.

I do at times also leave the house in the A-cup bras when I feel certain my outer garments will keep me from being found out. 

 

I am nearing 60 and I’ve been married for nearly 37 years to a wonderful woman who has known about and fully supported my love of things feminine from the get go.  In fact over the years, it has been a great benefit as part of our sex life. 

 

For the past 20 years I’ve worn my hair long so it can easily and quickly be styled into a feminine look.  And at home, I also often wear light make-up and casual feminine outfits, most of which my wife helped me select. 

 

As I’ve slowed down at work, these past few years, I find myself wanting more and more to reveal my feminine self to our very close friends, which is three couples.  My wife is not against this but we both realize that doing this could put our friendships in jeopardy, consequently we have not done anything yet. 

 

My wife wants to share this information with just the wife of the couple with whom we are closest and if this goes well, then with the other two wives and if that goes well, actually introduce Jillian to these three women.  Then if that all goes well, we’d let each wife share the info with their husbands and if that went well, then with everyone present, introduce Jillian to the men too. 

 

I realize the post is getting long so at this point, I’ll stop here and ask if anyone has actually done what I am contemplating and if so, how did it go and what do you think of our plan? 

 

Thanks very much,  Jillian

[VickySGV]

Your post here is actually on a common theme with many of our members.  Enjoy your time here and interact with the others for best results. There is a group not all that far from you known as the Tennessee Vals organization where I know a number of really great people.

[Artpetal]

Hm. Please be aware it could be a red flag if they don't already know you're a woman. Maybe they'll tell you "oh, I always knew!" but I really caution you not to expect such a good reaction from them. I wish you the best telling them.

[DonkeySocks]

How you feel at any point about coming out to any individual or in any social situation, is the deciding factor--so say it all goes well, you would plan to go to the next step based on that, but you don't feel right about it or don't feel emotionally safe. You stop at that point until you feel safe, even if everyone has been really supportive so far. I guess I would say that you and your wife should discuss whether the first friend you intend to come out to, can reasonably be expected not to out you to the other women, or to her husband. I'm not saying it would be from a place of insensitivity on her part, just whether it's likely that she would engage in what she considers to be harmless talk with those close to her. I would emphasize that you want to come out to each person individually and not have them discuss it with others. If by any chance you think that would put a strain on her, reconsider her as the first one on the list, even if you are closest with her. Same with the others in sequence. There's a sort of tipping point where enough people know, and know that others know, that they suppose you are out to everyone. At that point it stops occurring to them that it would be a risk to you to out you to anyone else. If you think someone on your coming-out list might hasten that tipping point, decide how to handle that ahead of time. I will say it is really great to be gendered correctly in a social setting. You are in for a treat if it goes well. Good luck!

[Ivy]

Welcome Jillian