I guess it DOES happen here

[awkward-yet-sweet]

My husband, my sister, and I were out for lunch.  Husband and sister work together, and sometimes I tag along.  We'd ordered our food, sitting in a booth in a cozy little restaurant.  My sister is across the table from us, and I'm next to my husband kind of curled up and leaning against him with his arm around my shoulders/chest.

 

IDK if it was the rainbow belt I had in my shorts, the fact that I pass as a boy, or the couple of (very quick and chaste) kisses that my husband gave me.  But the waiter came over and scolded us, talking about how it was a family establishment and how kids "shouldn't have to look at that kind of behavior/people like you."  Totally over the top. 

 

My husband simply got up and said calmly, "At least we agree on something.  My partner, our sister and I shouldn't have to do business with people like you."  So we walked out and got food at a nicer place down the street.  I've always known that my area is fairly conservative, but nobody has really given me trouble before.  I don't deal with conflict well and I hate being scolded, so I was pretty nervous after this. 

 

Anybody else have this kind of public rejection/humiliation experience?  Did I do something wrong, or was it just my existence that set the guy off? 

[Delcina B]

Hi @awkward-yet-sweet! Personally no, but living in the same region, the Florida Panhandle for me, I could easily see it happening here. I think your husband handled it beautifully.

 

As a side note, not to detract from calling out the totally unacceptable behavior of the waiter, I was thinking if this happened to me, two wonderful things would've occurred: one, my wife had accepted me as I am, & second, I would have passed as a woman. 

 

I don't see where you did anything wrong. The waiter seemed to have a moment of misguided understanding where this southern Belle would have had to reply, "Well bless your heart!"  

 

Hugs!

Delcina 

[awkward-yet-sweet]

@Delcina B  I totally hadn't thought of it like that!  I guess since it was an issue, the waiter was seeing me exactly as I presented myself.  So, success there I guess.  Another thing I notice looking back - my husband has always referred to me as "wife" before.  This time, "partner."  I never asked him to do that, but he's trying to make me feel comfortable 🥰  One of his big uncertainties about how I present myself is that he might be identified as gay when he isn't.  A hangup, especially for a man in this area.  But he willingly took that mis-identification...in public...for me.  I hadn't noticed it in the moment, but reflecting on the incident, it means that much more.