What are my options? How far toward the masculine should I go?

[awkward-yet-sweet]

Born female.  Potentially intersex (doctor appointment scheduled.)

 

I'm happy with my face and upper body.  I'm built tiny, so there isn't much change there.  But I've always felt like I was born with the wrong parts.  I should have had boy parts, not girl parts.  I definitely don't fit with stereotypically masculine traits or behaviors.  I'm small, vulnerable, cuddly, and rather codependent.  So if I undergo some changes, does that mean I have to act more assertive?  Mostly, I like myself (separately from my body) and there's a lot of things I wouldn't want to change. 

 

Also, are there non-surgical options for transforming my girl parts?  They are too large to look "girl" and too small to look "boy" which has caused me a lot of issues over the years.  I'd like to know what I can talk to the doctor about, what I might ask for. 

[DonkeySocks]

If a gender therapist tells you to be more assertive in order to be masculine, get a different therapist.

 

I briefly looked into inflation (suction) to enlarge girl parts. I haven't done anything about it, but there's plenty of info and equipment online. Trans guys do it pre-surgery, but you wouldn't have to continue to surgery, you could stop with the suction.

[DonkeySocks]

I just found a wikipedia page on it, and you could ask your doctor about topical steroids or hormones for enlargement.

[Heather Nicole]

4 hours ago, awkward-yet-sweet said:

So if I undergo some changes, does that mean I have to act more assertive?  Mostly, I like myself (separately from my body) and there's a lot of things I wouldn't want to change.

 

Transition is about becoming more yourself, and less of a false facade. It's about shedding the things (whether physical or social) that are not part of the real you and permitting yourself the things that are.

 

If being more assertive just isn't you, and is more constraining than liberating, then don't. Or if it is you, then do.

 

Words...labels...like "guy" or "gal" or anything else, they're not there for constraining ourselves. They simply exist as tools which may, or may not, be helpful in describing ourselves or our thoughts to others.

[awkward-yet-sweet]

8 hours ago, Heather Nicole said:

 

Transition is about becoming more yourself, and less of a false facade. It's about shedding the things (whether physical or social) that are not part of the real you and permitting yourself the things that are.

 

Thanks!  I'm not totally sure who/what I am a lot of the time.  My husband is a very masculine, alpha-type in front of others.  He's a project manager, a county official, a teacher, a leader.... and he's good at those things, but it looks like so much effort.  I know I can't be like that.  As far as my role in the family and my life in general, those things are how I want them.  I just need to fit in my body, and I have some physical needs that aren't really getting met due to perceptions of me having a female body.  I'll probably have to investigate sex therapy, as I'm never quite sure how to use the body I have. 

 

@DonkeySocks I'm definitely going to ask the doctor about topical steroids/hormones.  I'm definitely not into the idea of surgery, but I'm not sure how well the other options work.  I've read mixed information online. 

 

After a couple of years of slacking off, I'm starting to do more regular exercise again.  My body has never been curvy, and if I get back the muscle definition I used to have in my core, I think that will go a long way toward feeling better.  Back when I played soccer pre-Covid, I often played shirtless in warm weather and I passed well enough that nobody cared. 

 

 

 

[Russ Fenrisson]

I can't speak about medical options, but in regards to masculinity, the definition of being "masculine" is different for everyone, whether that being more assertive or having a muscular body.

 

To me, being masculune is being confident in oneself and being able to make decisions for oneself that make you feel comfortable, even if that decision is not honored by others. At the end of the day, how you feel and what makes you feel good is what matters. Even if the decisions boil down to what you're going to eat for a given meal or what exercise you want to do on a given day. 

 

Being sensitive and timid doesn't make any person less manly, if that's what they choose to pursue. Even the most manly people have a sensitive side. It's nothing to be afraid of. Being sensitive is a sign of a good heart.