Jump to content
  • Welcome to the TransPulse Forums!

    We offer a safe, inclusive community for transgender and gender non-conforming folks, as well as their loved ones, to find support and information.  Join today!

The biological impulse to have a child.


Sunchild

Recommended Posts

Hello, 

 

This is a question for transfemmes here, I wonder who has experienced after transition the internal need to bear a child as a mother one day. The reason I am asking is that from my experience it seems to me almost like the age when we transition determines whether we want to have a child or not, like if we transition after puberty we seem to be less interested. For me, it broke me down emotionally at one point, as I realized how much I wanted to be a mother and it was not possible. The reason I am also asking cause some cis people used to claim that trans women lack this motherly impulse, plus the empathy and softness that women used to have. I find this to be a nonsense myself, because none of us are the same, plus I believe our age when we transition might as well determine the way we feel and act as women too, and what options we have in life as women, how attractive we are, and so forth. I think girls that started HRT at 13 are going to be usually closer to cis women in these particular ways too.  

Link to comment
  • Forum Moderator

I don't know about where you are, but in the US you cannot start HRT before 16 and that's under special circumstances. Usually it's 18. Where you can transition at all anymore because of all the transphobic laws being passed in the states right now.

 

As for your question... Eh, it varies. Personally, I think I could be a good mother NOW, but I'm long past the point of where I'd be able to have children, even if I was cis. My spouse never wanted children. I don't think all women are born with it. Some of us nurture in different ways. For example, I have no desire to be a mom, but I could absolutely be your cool aunt. Child raising is a group activity after all. There are lots of ways to pitch in. Some women don't like children at all, or just when they've managed to reach a certain age. Like you said, we're all unique.

 

Hugs!

Link to comment
  • Forum Moderator

I decided I did not want kids when I was in my teens, long before I transitioned. 

 

When I was talking to the therapist, she was doing the "informed consent" part of the process and asked me if I was aware that hormones would likely shut down my sperm production, and was I okay with being unable to have kids?  I said, "Good grief (or words to that effect)!  I am 62.  If I had wanted kids I have had plenty of time to make it so.  At my age, I sure as heck do not want to be starting a family now and raising teenagers when I am 80."

 

I have felt no motherly urges since I transitioned.

Link to comment

With our second child that was born in 2016 I remember looking at my wife sometimes thinking I wish I could experience what she’s going through.   Can’t imagine how awesome that must be to feel your child growing inside of you.  

Link to comment
On 6/21/2022 at 3:54 PM, Sunchild said:

The reason I am also asking cause some cis people used to claim that trans women lack this motherly impulse, plus the empathy and softness that women used to have. I find this to be a nonsense myself, because none of us are the same, plus I believe our age when we transition might as well determine the way we feel and act as women too, and what options we have in life as women, how attractive we are, and so forth.

 

I didn't start transition until last year, but I've always had a very strong sense of empathy (to the point I have to avoid certain news just for my own mental wellbeing) and always had that "softness" side, although I always felt I had to keep it hidden. I didn't have any thoughts one way or the other about kids until way back in college when I realized I wanted kids. And the more I thought about pregnancy and nursing (the "mom" kind of nursing, not the "RN" kind) the more I envied it (well, except for the nausea, morning sickness, labor pain and other physical ailments).

Link to comment
1 hour ago, Jaycie said:

When I was a teen I wanted to have monthly cycles and to be able to become pregnant, I was very disappointed that it was never going to happen for me.

 

I loved being a dad when my child was born and was more of a mother than a father to them. I still miss having a baby to take care of to this day !!!

 

Yes monthly cycles, during my teens I knew it was something that was meant for me, it was so weird what was going on with me, even before I knew about periods and what girls used to go through, at 12 I was instinctivelly drawn to even try wearing a pad while waiting and knowing there was meant to be blood coming off of me, I remember how sad and confused I was about this, later on I was asking myself how did I know about periods and the blood? Did my brain recognize it as something that's part of me, but can't be physically fulfilled?

Link to comment

During my first year on HRT I used to be visiting hospital waiting rooms with pregnant women, which ended up with me basically crying there. lol. It was also my way of testing and exploring my path in life, if it was right, if I was strong enough to go through this. 

Link to comment
44 minutes ago, Michelle_Anne said:

Makes me feel at home here seeing there are so many of us that feel this way.  

😍

Link to comment
2 hours ago, Jaycie said:

Oh you're so right, no one talked to me about this as a child!! I have no idea how I understood having a period (this was the late 80s early 90s so no internet or anything and my mom never talked about it with me since I was not outwardly a girl! I just felt like one of the girls like my female relatives, but I can't explain it!!!

I remember around the age of 10 or 11 I would get into the cabinet it my moms bathroom because I was curious what tampons and pads were for.   I feel like even then there was some gender euphoria.  

Link to comment
23 minutes ago, Jaycie said:

I did the same thing and at the same time; 10 or 11 years old. Looking back it definitely was euphoria I was experiencing... I just wish I had the words for and understood the concept of being a young trans girl. Maybe life could have been less full of depression and anxiety had I known what was different about me!!! So nice to hear others experiences are similar!!!

😍

Link to comment
3 minutes ago, SheenaT said:

😍

 

26 minutes ago, Jaycie said:

I did the same thing and at the same time; 10 or 11 years old. Looking back it definitely was euphoria I was experiencing... I just wish I had the words for and understood the concept of being a young trans girl. Maybe life could have been less full of depression and anxiety had I known what was different about me!!! So nice to hear others experiences are similar!!!

I reluctantly and embarrassingly admit at that age I read the directions and tried one more than once.  At that age though I was too young to be aroused by it but it made me feel so much like a girl

Link to comment

My ex struggled with her health both times she was pregnant, and I assumed every man would have happily carried the child to term, turns out I was projecting my own dreams, confusing my empathy with jealousy without realising it.

I am a mum. Since birth, I've done every single thing a mother does, both of mine were premature and bottlefed and I've never once taken them for granted. I just wish I had them both all the time!

I will add though, that from a personal shared conversation, mourning for the child you will never be able to carry is also very much a part of some women's lives. 😢❤️

Link to comment
4 hours ago, DeeDee said:

My ex struggled with her health both times she was pregnant, and I assumed every man would have happily carried the child to term, turns out I was projecting my own dreams, confusing my empathy with jealousy without realising it.

I am a mum. Since birth, I've done every single thing a mother does, both of mine were premature and bottlefed and I've never once taken them for granted. I just wish I had them both all the time!

I will add though, that from a personal shared conversation, mourning for the child you will never be able to carry is also very much a part of some women's lives. 😢❤️

 

Omg that's so very much true. I can very much empathize with what you're sharing, thank you.

I must admit I've certainly confused my empathy with jealousy more than once when seeing my friends pregnant too. 

Link to comment

I think because of the way I grew up. I never wanted kids. Even being around kids. It never effected me. 

 

Now it seems like I wish I had a kid some days. I held a clients new born when I still worked in a nail salon. When she handed him to me. That was the first time I have held a baby, and wanted one, but that ship has sailed. I'll be 37 next month, and probably am shooting blanks now. 

Link to comment

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!

Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.

Sign In Now
  • Who's Online   3 Members, 0 Anonymous, 217 Guests (See full list)

    • MaeBe
    • SamC
    • Ivy
  • Recently Browsing   0 members

    • No registered users viewing this page.
  • Forum Statistics

    • Total Topics
      80.7k
    • Total Posts
      768.4k
  • Member Statistics

    • Total Members
      12,029
    • Most Online
      8,356

    Selkimur
    Newest Member
    Selkimur
    Joined
  • Today's Birthdays

    1. Anyatimenow
      Anyatimenow
      (23 years old)
    2. Aria00
      Aria00
    3. Ava B.
      Ava B.
      (24 years old)
    4. Claire Heshi
      Claire Heshi
    5. CrystalMatthews0426
      CrystalMatthews0426
      (41 years old)
  • Posts

    • Ivy
      Got a new Granddaughter this morning.  Mother and child (and father) are doing fine. This makes 7 granddaughters and one grandson.  I have 2 sons and 6 daughters myself.  And then I  switched teams.  I think this stuff runs in the family. Another hard day for the patriarchy.
    • Ivy
      Like @MaeBe pointed out, Trump won't do these things personally.  I doubt that he actually gives a rat's a$$ himself.  But he is the foot in the door for the others.   I don't really see this.  Personally, I am all in favor of "traditional" families.  I raised my own kids this way and it can work fine.  But I think we need to allow for other variations as well.   One thing working against this now is how hard it is for a single breadwinner to support a family.  Many people (I know some) would prefer "traditional" if they could actually afford it.  Like I mentioned, we raised our family with this model, but we were always right at the poverty level.   I was a "conservative evangelical" for most of my life, actually.  So I do understand this.  Admittedly, I no longer consider myself one. I have family members still in this camp.  Some tolerate me, one actually rejects me.  I assure you the rejection is on her side, not mine.  But, I understand she believes what she is doing is right - 'sa pity though. I mean no insult toward anyone on this forum.  You're free to disagree with me.  Many people do.   This is a pretty complex one.  Socialism takes many forms, many of which we accept without even realizing it.  "Classism" does exist, for what it's worth.  Always has, probably always will.  But I don't feel like that is a subject for this forum.   As for the election, it's shaping up to be another one of those "hold your nose" deals.
    • Ivy
      Just some exerts regarding subjects of interest to me.
    • Ivy
      Yeah.  In my early teens I trained myself out of a few things that I now wish I hadn't.
    • Abigail Genevieve
      I was thinking in particular of BLM, who years ago had a 'What We Believe' section that sounded like they were at war with the nuclear family.   I tried to find it. Nope.  Of interest https://www.politifact.com/article/2020/aug/28/ask-politifact-does-black-lives-matter-aim-destroy/   My time is limited and I will try to answer as I can.
    • Ivy
      Well, I suppose it is possible that they don't actually plan on doing what they say.  I'm not too sure I want to take that chance.  But I kinda expect to find out.  Yet, perhaps you're right and it's all just talk.  And anyway, my state GOP is giving me enough to worry about anyway. I remember a time when being "woke" just meant you were paying attention.  Now it means you are the antichrist. I just don't want the government "protecting" me from my personal "delusions."
    • MaeBe
      1.  I think there are some legitimate concern.   2. Thoroughly discussing this will consume many threads.   3. I disagree partially with @MaeBe but there is partial agreement.   4. The context includes what is happening in society that the authors are observing.  It is not an isolated document.   The observation is through a certain lens, because people do things differently doesn't mean they're doing it wrong. Honestly, a lot of the conservative rhetoric is morphing desires of people to be treated with respect and social equity to be tantamount to the absolution of the family, heterosexuality, etc. Also, being quiet and trying to blend in doesn't change anything. Show me a social change that benefits a minority or marginalized group that didn't need to be loud.   5. Trump, if elected, is as likely to spend his energies going after political opponents as he is to implementing something like this.   Trump will appoint people to do this, like Roger Severino (who was appointed before, who has a record of anti-LGBTQ+ actions), he need not do anything beyond this. His people are ready to push this agenda forward. While the conservative right rails about bureaucracy, they intend to weaponize it. There is no question. They don't want to simplify government, they simply want to fire everyone and bring in conservative "warriors" (their rhetoric). Does America survive 4 year cycles of purge/cronyism?   6. I reject critical theory, which is based on Marxism.  Marxism has never worked and never will.  Critical theory has problems which would need time to go into, which I do not have.   OK, but this seems like every other time CRT comes up with conservatives...completely out of the blue. I think it's reference is mostly just to spark outrage from the base. Definitely food thought for a different thread, though.   7. There are groups who have declared war on the nuclear family as problematically patriarchal, and a lot of other terms. They are easy to find on the internet.  This document is reacting to that (see #4 above).   What is the war on the nuclear family? I searched online and couldn't find much other than reasons why people aren't getting married as much or having kids (that wasn't a propaganda from Heritage or opinions pieces from the right that paint with really broad strokes). Easy things to see: the upward mobility and agency of women, the massive cost of rearing children, general negative attitudes about the future, male insecurity, etc. None of this equates to a war on the nuclear family, but I guess if you look at it as "men should be breadwinners and women must get married for financial support and extend the male family line (and to promote "National Greatness") I could see the decline of marriage as a sign of the collapse of a titled system and, if I was a beneficiary of that system or believe that to NOT be tilted, be aggrieved.   8.  Much of this would have to be legislated, and this is a policy documented.  Implementation would  be most likely different, but that does not mean criticism is unwarranted.   "It might be different if you just give it a chance", unlike all the other legislation that's out there targeting LGBTQ+ from the right, these are going to be different? First it will be trans rights, then it will be gay marriage, and then what? Women's suffrage?   I get it, we may have different compasses, but it's not hard to see that there's no place for queer people in the conservative worldview. There seems to be a consistent insistence that "America was and is no longer Great", as if the 1950s were the pinnacle of society, completely ignoring how great America still is and can continue to be--without having to regress society to the low standards of its patriarchal yesteryears.    
    • awkward-yet-sweet
      Cadillac parts are pretty expensive, so repairing them costs more.  But they don't seem to break down more than other makes.  Lots of Lincoln models use Ford cars as a base, so you can get parts that aren't much more expensive.    My family has had good luck with "Panther platform" cars.  Ford Crown Victoria, Mercury Marquis, Lincoln Towncar or Continental.  4.6 V8 and 5.0 V8.  Reasonable fuel economy, and fairly durable.  Our county sheriff's office was running Chargers and SUV's for a while, but has gone back to older Crown Victorias for ease of maintenance.  GF rebuilds them here.  But they are getting more scarce, since the newest ones were made in 2011.    1992-1997 years were different than the later years.  1998-2001 they did some changes, and apparently the best years are 2003 to 2011.  Check Craigslist, and also government auctions.  GF has gotten a lot of them at auction, and they can be had in rough-but-running shape for around $1,000.  Ones in great shape can be found in the $5,000+ range.  Good for 200,000 miles without significant rebuilding.  Go through engine and transmission and electrical systems, and they go half a million.    Some Chrysler models are OK.  The 300 mostly has the same engines as the Charger and Challenger, so parts availability is pretty good.  But they tend to get timing issues.  The older Chrysler Sebring convertibles were pretty reliable, sometimes going 200,000 miles without tons of problems, although after that they were pretty much worn out. 
    • Abigail Genevieve
      I think I have read everything the Southern Baptists have to say on transgender, and it helped convince me they are dead wrong on these issues.  They can be nice people.  I would never join an SBC church.
    • Abigail Genevieve
      You come across as a thoughtful, sweet, interesting and pleasant person.    There are parts of this country, and more so the world, where evangelicals experience a great deal of finger wagging.
    • awkward-yet-sweet
      It has been an interesting experience being in a marriage in a Christian faith community, yet being intersex/trans.  I stay pretty quiet, and most have kind of accepted that I'm just the strange, harmless exception.  "Oh, that's just Jen.  Jen is...different."  I define success as being a person most folks just overlook. 
    • awkward-yet-sweet
      Well, I live in an area with a lot of Southern Baptists, Evangelicals, etc...  We've experienced our share of finger-wagging, as the "standard interpretation" of Scripture in the USA is that the Bible only approves of "one man, one woman" marriage.  My faith community is mostly accepted here, but that has taken time and effort.  It can be tough at times to continue to engage with culture and the broader population, and avoid the temptation to huddle up behind walls like a cult.    Tolerance only goes so far.  At one point, my husband was asked to run for sheriff.  He declined, partly because an elected official with four wives would have a REALLY tough time.  (Of course, making way less than his current salary wasn't an option either). 
    • Abigail Genevieve
      My bone structure is far more female than male.  I can't throw like a guy, which has been observed by guys numerous times, and moving like a woman is more natural.  It just is.  I'm not going out of my way to act in a fem. way, as you say, but I am letting go of some of the 'I am not going to move like that because I am a guy' stuff I have defensively developed.  The other breaks through anyway - there were numerous looks from people at work when I would use gestures that are forbidden to men, or say something spontaneously no guy would ever say.   At one point, maybe a year or more ago, I said it was unfair for people to think they were dealing with a man when they were actually dealing with a woman.    Girl here.  'What is a woman' is a topic for another day.
    • Willow
      Mom, I’m home!  What’s for lunch?   Leftover pizza .   ok.    Not exactly our conversation but there is truth in the answer.     @KymmieLsorry you are sick. Feel better soon.   Girl mode, boy mode no mode, not us. Nothing functional for either of us.   anyone here have or had a 10 year old (plus or minus) Caddy, Lincoln or Chrysler?  How was it?  Lots of repairs?  Comfortable seats? Anything positive or negative about it?  I need to replace my 2004 Ford Explorer Eddie Bauer, it’s eating $100 dollar bills and needs a couple of thousand dollars worth of work and that doesn’t even fix the check engine code.  Obviously, it isn’t worth putting that kind of money into a 20 year old car with a 174 thousand miles.   Willow
    • Ashley0616
      Oversized pink shirt, pink and black sports bra
  • Upcoming Events

Contact TransPulse

TransPulse can be contacted in the following ways:

Email: Click Here.

To report an error on this page.

Legal

Your use of this site is subject to the following rules and policies, whether you have read them or not.

Terms of Use
Privacy Policy
DMCA Policy
Community Rules

Hosting

Upstream hosting for TransPulse provided by QnEZ.

Sponsorship

Special consideration for TransPulse is kindly provided by The Breast Form Store.
×
×
  • Create New...