I cant stand this

[WillowA113]

Last night I got in a fight with my parents. They were always transphobic but they said some of the worst things I heard from them. They said before once im 18 I can transition but now they have a new rule and I have to move out first. When I live with them i cant wear what I want, clothes or makeup. Clothes, that are just fabric; clothes that have no gender. I cant call myself by my names or pronouns. No choice on my English. I cant do anything. They say what they believe is the truth and their beliefs will control my life. They said so many nasty things i dont even want to say the ones I remember. I try to forget most of them. They said they dont believe my dysphoria is real after I tried for hours to explain how terrible it is. They think its all pretend. Like I would pretend to be something they would hate. They yelled and yelled about how terrible trans people are and when I tried to explain my said they just rolled their eyes. They dont even give me a chance to convince them I am who I say I am. They think they can choose. It hurts so effing much. Im going to move out the second I turn 18. I dont care if I’ll be homeless. At least I’ll be able to be myself and not live with people who force their discriminatory beliefs onto me because they interpreted the Bible a certain way. I dont want to live with people who take away my rights as an American (rights that may be gone anyway). Im leaving them and im never coming back. I despise them for forcing me to be someone im not and not believing the pain I feel is real.

[Russ Fenrisson]

It's been a while since this was first posted but I hope you are doing better. The dream for many young people is moving away, often through college, once they turn 18 so they can get away from the rules of their parents. Whatever you decide to do (or have decided), please do be careful. Always be mindful of yourself and your surroundings whenever you're out and about.

 

And I hate how your parents seemed to do a 180 on you. That's a confusing and hurtful thing to experience when you're already in pain yourself. I can't speak for your parents, but I know they must care for you, regardless of what they say. With what's going on in the world, it's no wonder they might be afraid and detracting their thoughts onto you via anger and strictness. It's a common reaction. I can't say for now, but give it some time. They might cool off. And if not, when you turn 18, you're technically your own person. Whatever you choose to do, always remember to be smart and safe.

 

Hoping everything is going well for you.

[WillowA113]

1 hour ago, Russ Fenrisson said:

It's been a while since this was first posted but I hope you are doing better. The dream for many young people is moving away, often through college, once they turn 18 so they can get away from the rules of their parents. Whatever you decide to do (or have decided), please do be careful. Always be mindful of yourself and your surroundings whenever you're out and about.

 

And I hate how your parents seemed to do a 180 on you. That's a confusing and hurtful thing to experience when you're already in pain yourself. I can't speak for your parents, but I know they must care for you, regardless of what they say. With what's going on in the world, it's no wonder they might be afraid and detracting their thoughts onto you via anger and strictness. It's a common reaction. I can't say for now, but give it some time. They might cool off. And if not, when you turn 18, you're technically your own person. Whatever you choose to do, always remember to be smart and safe.

 

Hoping everything is going well for you.

Thank you! I doubt they'll change. I got my stubbornness from them, even if i use it much differently than they do. As usual i planned every second of my future and came up with the plan to move in with my aunt and uncle. Just have to make sure they're ok with it... If not i'll have to come up with a plan C. Damn, why is it so hard to have a good life? 

[Russ Fenrisson]

You're welcome. I know how tough it can be to achieve the life you want but you have to always remember: no matter how hard it gets, the future you want is still out there. It may be concealed by a dark veil, obscuring it, but it's still a possibility.

 

Honestly, I have to applaud you for your ability to plan. I wish I were able to think more clearly about such things.

[WillowA113]

43 minutes ago, Russ Fenrisson said:

You're welcome. I know how tough it can be to achieve the life you want but you have to always remember: no matter how hard it gets, the future you want is still out there. It may be concealed by a dark veil, obscuring it, but it's still a possibility.

 

Honestly, I have to applaud you for your ability to plan. I wish I were able to think more clearly about such things.

Yes that's very true. 

Haha well i plan automatically without thinking but thanks 😅

[Russ Fenrisson]

It's a good trait. You should keep it.

[WillowA113]

5 hours ago, Russ Fenrisson said:

It's a good trait. You should keep it.

I plan to. 😆

[awkward-yet-sweet]

On 8/12/2022 at 4:01 PM, WillowA113 said:

Thank you! I doubt they'll change. I got my stubbornness from them, even if i use it much differently than they do. As usual i planned every second of my future and came up with the plan to move in with my aunt and uncle. Just have to make sure they're ok with it... If not i'll have to come up with a plan C. Damn, why is it so hard to have a good life? 

Having a good life is super hard, especially when young.  It DOES get better once you have the power to make all your own decisions.

 

I grew up in an Orthodox and law enforcement family.  I wasn't really allowed to work, and even after school ended up living with my parents while I paid off my bills.  It lasted until I moved in with my first GF at age 26.  Parents can really mess life up.  If I had to do it over again, I would prioritize making a plan to get out.  

 

For now, find a way to stash some money.  As my GF taught me, money is power.  Earn it, find it, save it, source it somehow.  There's a lot more escape options if you have the means.

[WillowA113]

6 minutes ago, awkward-yet-sweet said:

Having a good life is super hard, especially when young.  It DOES get better once you have the power to make all your own decisions.

 

I grew up in an Orthodox and law enforcement family.  I wasn't really allowed to work, and even after school ended up living with my parents while I paid off my bills.  It lasted until I moved in with my first GF at age 26.  Parents can really mess life up.  If I had to do it over again, I would prioritize making a plan to get out.  

 

For now, find a way to stash some money.  As my GF taught me, money is power.  Earn it, find it, save it, source it somehow.  There's a lot more escape options if you have the means.

Thanks for the advice!