I'm drinking too much

[LaurenA]

Down to .08

[LaurenA]

I haven't had a drink for the last 10 days.  I did end up calling 911 and got out of the hospital 4 days ago.  I'm now on a drug to reduce cravings.  So far so good.  Trouble is that while I was hospitalized they found other things that weren't right.  Now I'm walking around with a bag strapped to my leg.  Hopefully that ends  next week.  My current plan is to stay sober as long as I can.

[VickySGV]

I am glad you asked for and got help.  Seems like you needed it worse than you thought but since you are out and about, you are doing better.  Do not be afraid to ask for help to keep your mind clear and focused on staying sober.  All of us in Recovery have found we needed others to help us, and it works.  Isolating and staying apart from people is one of the signs that we desperately need help.  There are Trans Recovery meetings online that can help you immensely that way, they are lifelines, but a lifeline is only effective if the victim reaches for it. 

[Carolyn Marie]

2 hours ago, LaurenA said:

  My current plan is to stay sober as long as I can.

 

I'm very happy to hear that you got help and are doing better.  It takes a lot of courage to ask for help, and even more to stay sober.  I wish you all the best, Lauren.

 

HUGS

 

Carolyn Marie

[Charlize]

I'm glad you got help Lauren.  10 days of sobriety is something i never thought i'd ever see over 15 years ago.  We in recovery are here to help.  I know i needed help and today am glad i've been given the chance to help others.  Just message ant now us.

 

Hugs,

 

Charlize

[Heather Shay]

@LaurenA I am proud of you for what you've?accomplished. Yours has been a very difficult road and you've kept your head above water and won't give up. You are amazing and you know it.

[LaurenA]

OK I made a whole 15 days without a drink.  Then yesterday I went to see the urologist (actually just a nurse) to get the catheter removed that they had put in during my stay for alcohol withdrawal.  Since I still couldn't go they catheterized me again. I AM NOT GOING TO LIVE THE REST OF MY LIFE WITH A BAG HANGING ON ME.  They haven't a clue what's wrong and like most times they never will.  I give up. I stopped on the way home and bought a LOT of booze.  I;m now drunk and I'm never going to be sober again.  If I'm lucky this will cause me =ydemise to be sooner rather than later.  Don't bother responding because I'm most likely not going to be checking.  Thank you to everyone who has tried to hep me.  But I know that nothing will help and that there is no future for me.  I guess 72 is a reasonable to live to.

[Ivy]

Well, you got your "threescore and ten".  But drinking yourself to death does not seem like the best option.

Maybe… rethink this?

[Charlize]

If you decide you want help stopping sec are here to help!  I tried to drink myself to death and came close.  The terror that i felt is something i will never forget.  There was a point when drinking did nothing but slow the shakes and feed the horrible hallucinations.  Sobriety may seem impossible but we can get and stay sober by helping each other.  

You are not alone.

 

Hugs,

 

Charlize

[missricka]

Hello All!  This is my first post in ages--as in years.  I was looking for transgender Pulse's former incarnation Laura's Playground where I had once been an active member.  I actually tried to join T.P.  but found my membership had been continued, including my original profile.  Anyway, I am a recovering alcoholic myself and like many people who are addicts I had relapsed and did so for years.  I was what you would call a maintenance drinker.  Never got drunk, never drove when drinking and continued to have a normal productive life but staying in the closet as far as my drinking was concerned.  You see, Boys and Girls, I was also employed in the field.  Anyway, I finally just upped and quit 8 months ago and never looked back.  I was lucky.  No withdrawal symptoms, no using dreams but just missing my relationship with bourbon, my drink of choice.  That said my renewed sobriety brought a ton of benefits, financial, ending chronic health conditions 2nd and losing about 40 lbs.  (had to nip my newly found sugar addiction in the bud to do that.)  Other benefits of cutting off my friendship with alcohol was that I started sleeping so much better and for the first time feeling rested when I woke up in the morning and I no longer had chronic anxiety which also accompanied my alcohol use, though I drank to stop the anxiety as a lot of people do.  And I started FEELING things again.

 

I was reading through some recent posts and it appears that there is a question on the table as to whether one has a problematic relationship with alcohol.  (Notice I am not using the outdated term "alcoholic")  I think that focusing on one's relationship with alcohol instead cuts to the chase without the stigma.  

 

I wanna say that IMHO anytime someone--anyone quits alcohol or any drug or any other of a myriad of things we might become addicted to it is nothing less than a miracle.  And on December 30th, 2021 a miracle happened in my life.  And it was a miracle.  I can't even say I was ready to stop drinking.  I knew I didn't have the will power to do it (been down that road before,) and in my mind I was clever enough to bull**** myself and the world that I did not have a problem.  

[LaurenA]

Congratulations @missricka.  I hope to do the same.  It's coming up on 4 weeks this Sunday and I know it's going to continue.  I've found my two main triggers; boredom and being upset.  I've found solutions to the first but dealing with something going wrong and not drinking to soften the pain is very difficult for me.  I've been relying on the drug naltrexone so far.  It looks like it's doing the job.  I hope it continues to.

[Mmindy]

2 hours ago, missricka said:

Hello All!  This is my first post in ages--as in years. 

Welcome back Missricka,

 

Congratulations on stepping back from your relationship with bourbon. I'm also glad that you were able to link up here with us on TransPulseForums.

 

Best wishes, stay positive, and motivated,

 

Mindy🐛🏳️‍⚧️🦋

[missricka]

Thank you both for the warm welcome!  Lauren, there has been much progress in the field of medication assisted recovery including the prescribing of Naltrexone for people recovering from alcohol use disorders and I am a firm believer that there is no one best road to recovery.  Congratulations on your coming up on a month sober.   That makes you a walking miracle in my book.   For any of us who depended on alcohol to get through life this is right up there with walking on water!

 

Using alcohol is a tool a lot of us happened on to in order to cope with unpleasant and sometimes overwhelming feelings and emotional pain.  Unfortunately its untoward side effects at some point begin to outweigh its benefits and inevitably compounds the problems it seeks to provide relief for.  In my case it was having chronic anxiety, which I was amazed to discover disappeared shortly after I stopped drinking.  The good news is that there are lots of other tools which have none of the side effects and are more effective.  You can find these tools and discover which ones work for you seeing a therapist or substance abuse counselor or talking to people at AA or other recovery meetings.  Mindfulness practice has worked wonderfully well for me for example.  And sometimes just going to a meeting and getting some support is enough to get through a rough patch.

[Charlize]

Welcome back Missricka!  There are certainly some helpful drugs to help remove the addiction to alcohol as well as drugs to help with other addictive substances.   When i faced the reality of living sober it was a daunting prospect.  Boredom, fears, past traumas as well as the daily nuisances of life loomed large.  I had lost my best friend.  It had helped with living life.  Fortunately I've found so much support and friendship in the rooms of AA.  

 

Hugs,

 

Charlize

[Robin.C]

@LaurenA .. i hope you see this and come back.

It is always hard in the beginning to stay stopped.

If you hadn't posted I would believe you wanted to die, posting from within the pit the find yourself in means you still cling to hope. And that is all we need to start with.

15 days or 115 days, it just needs to be done one day at at a time.

 

Hugs

Robyn

[LaurenA]

On 8/29/2022 at 6:41 PM, Robin.C said:

@LaurenA .. i hope you see this and come back.

It is always hard in the beginning to stay stopped.

If you hadn't posted I would believe you wanted to die, posting from within the pit the find yourself in means you still cling to hope. And that is all we need to start with.

15 days or 115 days, it just needs to be done one day at at a time.

 

Hugs

Robyn

@Robin.C  Yup I'm still here and STILL not drinking.  At the moment I have an old man's medical problem that is taking all of my attention.  I have thought several times as I drove past a favorite bar and thought about stopping in for a drink.  So far every time I've just told myself "No I don't NEED a drink!".  That seems to work for me and I'm sticking with it.

[Robin.C]

@LaurenA wonderful news.

One day at a time is all it takes, and to not take that first drink.

 

Hugs

Robyn

[Charlize]

That is fantastic Lauren.  You have over a month of sobriety.  I remember that call coming from liquor stores or bars as i drove by.  Little by little that has lost its ability to turn the steering wheel.  

Hope you feel better from your old "guy" problems.

 

Hugs,

 

Charlize

[LaurenA]

Well, today I had a ureodynamic  test done and the result indicate I'm going to have to be catheterized for the rest of my life.  When I got home after the test the first thing I did was make myself a black Russian.  I'm drinking it now and trying to think of my future.  With this as my future I will no longer be able to get a vulvoplasty.  I'm caught short in my path to going forward.  Should I just go along with it and ignore the genital dysphoria that being catheterized has brought on?  Should I remove the catheter and just take my chances?  Should I just give up on it all?  These are the questions I'm asking myself at the moment.  All three are possibilities.  Since I denied that I was a woman since I was a very young age until I was in my seventies I guess the first one could work but I know it will end poorly.  The second action seems the best to me since until 2 months ago there was no problem and I really doubt there would be a problem continuing..  The third choice is obviously not a good one but it would solve the problem.  In the mean time I'm seeking solace in alcohol.  Not a good solution but better than drugs.

[Charlize]

   I certainly can't tell you what to do medical but i do know that alcohol never solved any problems for me.  It seemed it would but it made things worse instead.  I feel blessed to be sober.  AA provided me with friends who understood.  Many of those i have grown to love are in the LGBTQ community.  They offer me support when the world seems too much. I did get an orchiectomy but my cardiac situation keeps me from going any further.  Today i live comfortably as myself.  What's in my pants is nobodies business!  It is easy for me to drop into the poor me's and then pour a drink.  After all i seem to be looking at living in a wheelchair if my hips don't magically improve.  I want to ride that chair sober and to do so i can't drink.

There are many here who understand your feelings dear.  Please keep reaching out!

 

Hugs,

 

Charlize