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Could It Really Just Be A Phase?


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Thanks in advance to anyone who replies. I figured out that I'm a trans guy when I was 17, about three and a half years ago. Though there were plenty of signs before that, mainly starting when I hit puberty. Mostly stuff like comparing myself to men, feeling like I was playing dress-up when wearing women's clothes, feeling jealous of my cousin's beard, etc. I've had doubts though, I'm sure all trans people have. I make sure that I don't ignore them, and try to figure out why I'm feeling them. And I always find a reason that doesn't have to do with me not being trans.

But my main concern is that this could just be a phase because I go through a lot of phases. Not long ago, I was SURE that I was asexual, and now I'm pretty sure I'm not (still don't know what I am in regards to my sexuality, I've sort of given up on trying to figure out and I'll just let it happen naturally). I hated being touched, and now I'm kind of touch starved. I don't know if I'm an introvert or an extrovert. Obviously these things have nothing to do with gender, but they're proof of my constantly changing identity. I'll have moments that come and go quickly but strongly where I'll want to follow a specific career I had absolutely no interest in. I suspect I may have BPD, but it's hard to say without a diagnosis.

I used to be a pretty feminine kid. I used to play with Barbies, wear dresses, all the typical girl stuff. And I know I used to do a lot of things because I was supposed to, but I can't say I had a problem with it, either. Like my thought process was "I'm a girl, so I have to like pink, having long hair, etc." And I know that those things don't necessarily have to do with gender, but it's still hard for me to come to terms with. I feel so dysphoric thinking about my childhood even though I didn't feel dysphoric then.

With all that aside though, being a man is one of the few things I mostly do feel sure of. Maybe that's enough to say. I'm just worried (more like terrified) that I'll come out, do something irreversible, and realize I was completely wrong. I know I'm the only one who can know for sure, but I'd appreciate hearing from anyone who had/has similar feelings. Sorry if my thoughts seem scrambled, haha. Thank you.

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  • Admin

Welcome to Trans Pulse, Mason.  You're absolutely right when you said that you think most trans people have had doubts.  The lucky few never had any doubts, but the majority of us did at some point.  I certainly did.  But that doesn't mean you're not, or some variant of trans, like bi-gender, agender, non-binary, etc.


You're also correct in saying that you are the only one who can know for sure.  But that doesn't mean that others can't help you figure it out.  I'm thinking primarily about a gender therapist.  I know the Canadian NHS can be difficult to navigate, but most of the provinces have gender therapists available through the NHS.


Please do have a look around the forums and post in any threads that interest you, or start some of your own.  We have quite a few trans men here now, and they, and others, will be happy to answer your questions.




Carolyn Marie

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Welcome Mason from another who suffered from uncertainty but certainly had "issues".  Speaking with others here helped me as did gender therapy.  I'm fortunate to feel comfortable and accepting of the path i've chosen.  At times i think self acceptance has been the greatest gift i've ever received.





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  • Forum Moderator

Hi Mason,

Having doubts about our gender is normal, so know that you are not alone.  Something I have learned is not to be in too big a hurry to put a label ourselves. Understanding comes with time. As mentioned above, a gender therapist can help. But the fact that you feel that you are a guy indicates that there is a good chance you do fall somewhere on the gender spectrum other than cis gender. Cis gender people don't tend to feel this way.


Lots of love,

Timber Wolf🐾

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Hi, @Mason26, and welcome!


I sometimes think of the earliest part of our journeys as having cycles rather than phases.  I say that because we all tend to have doubts, especially when it's gender-related.  We may have the thought, "what if this is just a phase?", but sooner or later, the thoughts and feelings cycle back and return. It may be weeks, months, or even years later, but return they do, and they usually are increasingly strong.  That's what propelled me to finally come out!


Later on, we often settle down into the phases of transitioning toward who we know ourselves to be -- a much happier place.  But by then, cycling back to keeping everything inside is a non-starter.  A good thing!


Warm wishes, and hope to see you around TransPulse.





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Hey there Mason,


Welcome to TransPulseForums, I hope you find this place as helpful as I do.


Best wishes, stay positive, and motivated.



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For me the phase kept coming back.  

At some point had to decide to live like that until the end, or take steps of change on the biggest adventure of my life.
Transforming through pain.


good luck Mason

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  • Admin

So what if it is a PHASE is my question?  When you are feeling one way, do you feel it is RIGHT for you in that minute and window of time?  If it feels right it is good for you.  Feeling good and complete is nothing to feel bad about or worried about even if it is for just a short time.  Some people are taught by families, communities, and even their churches that feeling good about yourself is WRONG and to be avoided at all costs, but you get the idea that I think that is a total pile of manure.  I was with a group of wonderful people this weekend whose genders are all over the bell curve spectrum there can be, and all of us had a good time making ourselves and  other people feel happy about their bodies and gender presentations.  BE YOU is the key here, even if you put on one set of YOUR clothes, or the other, or a combination of the two or even something else entirely.

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Thank you for all the wonderful answers so far! They've given me a lot to think about.

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