What do I do ?

[Suzanne44]

Hi it's Suzanne

   I've said in my introduction how I'm finding it hard to tell my family and friends who I really am and that I want to transition. I've also said that I haven't started any part of my transition yet. I spoke to someone yesterday (by e-mail still not ready to do it face to face yet). They suggested that I write my sister (who I am close to) a letter and give it to her. After having thought it over I think it may be a good idea. I wondered if anyone else thought this would be a good idea, or even had done it this way themselves and how did it go. Did it go well or badly,did you regret doing it this way ?. I hope that I'm not being to personal or prying, please only answer if you are comfortable. Another thing I wanted to ask is I had been thinking about seeing a therapist and possibly talking to them first before I tell anyone else. (Again not sure I can do it face to face, but at some point I'll have to). There is one at my doctors office. Maybe I might find it easier talking to a stranger first about this. I really do have butterflies in my stomach just thinking about. Not sure if I should speak to my doctor first or not. l'm really unsure. I did a little research today about getting referred to a G.D.C and either the doctor or therapist can refer me. Do I have to wait until I see the therapist at the G.D.C before I can be prescribed hormones because there is a 2 year waiting list to see them. I really am confused. Any help and advice would be greatly appreciated. Thank you.

 

❤️ Suzanne.

[Astrid]

35 minutes ago, Suzanne44 said:

They suggested that I write my sister (who I am close to) a letter and give it to her. After having thought it over I think it may be a good idea. I wondered if anyone else thought this would be a good idea, or even had done it this way themselves and how did it go

 

Writing a letter is indeed an excellent idea.  A number of folks here (including me) have done this.  In my case, it was a letter to my spouse, and a separate letter to our daughter, that was my coming out statement.  But a letter can just as well be about how you currently are feeling and what you're considering, a "pre-coming out" letter.

 

Writing gives you a real chance to think, rethink, edit, and rephrase your thoughts until you've crafted what you want and need to say in the way you want to say it.  You can take your time and make sure you've covered all the points that you  want to include.  Sometimes, when we attempt to do this orally, in our excitement we forget key points we planned to say.

 

If your sister is close by, you can let her read the letter in your presence, and go from there.  If she is far away, you can let her know that you'll shortly be sending her a letter that you'd like her to read in confidence, and go from there.

 

The experience of coming out via letter went well for me.  Of course, my spouse was initially surprised and needed time to absorb what I was saying.  In the four years since, she and I have had time to adjust our relationship.  I am thankful that it continues!

 

48 minutes ago, Suzanne44 said:

Another thing I wanted to ask is I had been thinking about seeing a therapist and possibly talking to them first before I tell anyone else. (Again not sure I can do it face to face, but at some point I'll have to). There is one at my doctors office.

 

A recommendation:  try to find a therapist with experience counseling gender nonconforming people.  It can make a real difference, as they can share much wisdom that ordinary family counseling therapists simply haven't accrued.  It may take some searching around.  If you can't immediately find one, try contacting the counseling dept. or staff at a area college.  They often know of therapists experienced with gender issues.

52 minutes ago, Suzanne44 said:

Do I have to wait until I see the therapist at the G.D.C before I can be prescribed hormones because there is a 2 year waiting list to see them. I really am confused

 

I have a MtF trans friend in the UK who faced this issue, and was able to go the private route for both therapy and HRT.

Lots of work involved in arranging it, but it most certainly shortened her wait considerably!

 

Warm regards,

 

Astrid

[Susan R]

9 hours ago, Suzanne44 said:

a letter and give it to her. After having thought it over I think it may be a good idea. I wondered if anyone else thought this would be a good idea, or even had done it this way themselves and how did it go.

After reading the wonderful response @Astrid gave you, it’s hard to add much more to that. I’ll just tell you what I did for another perspective.

 

My family lived too far to come out to them in-person and I was determined to let everyone know at approximately the same time. News of this kind spreads fast in a family…and that’s an understatement. I mentally prepared everyone in a somewhat vague email. To paraphrase what that email stated…I mentioned that I have been self reflecting these past few years and have decided to make some major changes in my life. The attached pdf explains everything you might want to know.

 

In the PDF, I wrote a 4 page timeline and introduction to the new me. I had already began transition and was living and presented in a somewhat feminine leaning androgynous fashion so doing it in person would’ve likely been done completely different. Every facet of each person you tell may have some affect on their acceptance or lack there of. I have had many more positive results than I thought I would have. I used this method with almost everyone who did not live in my local area. Most of those living near me had some idea already that something was up from my presentation and other recent changes in my life. The in-person revelations were the most successful and I was there to console and answer any questions that had. They were the most heartfelt.

 

Best of Luck to you,

Susan R🌷

 

 

[Maddee]

Hi Suzanne!

 

there might not be a best way to do this that applies to everyone.

 

how convinced are you???

 

in my opinion, if you want to transition male to female, you need to get as much info from online as you can.  If you can find a therapist who is resourceful and familiar with this that’d be great!

 

identify goals

financial plan

 

For me. I started counseling and electrolysis facial hair removal 3 years before I started hormones and looking into surgeries. I wasn’t ready to commit myself ti the medical system until I finally realized I really needed to.  
 

Hair removal in the face via electrolysis is a looooong and expensive process for most of us.  If you can, get started at that,  regularly, now, even before you figure everything else out.  Find someone who has cleared the hair from male to female trans folks already and has gotten results!

 

bless you

🌈🌈

 

[Maddee]

I read somewhere that this is a 7+ year process, once we commit and consistently move forward. 
that is turning out to be true for me

[KathyLauren]

Because we live many time zones apart, I communicate with my brothers primarily by email.  So that is how I came out to them.  I knew that my older brother would be supportive, so it was a fairly short email.  I was less sure about my younger brother, so his letter was longer.  That is the nice thing about a letter: you can take the time to tailor it to the audience.

 

Talking to a therapist is definitely a good idea.  I agree with @Astrid that it is best to seek a therapist with experience dealing with gender-nonconforming people.  The best is of they have a WPATH certification.

 

Coming out to a stranger is definitely difficult.  The hardest conversation I had was when I asked my doctor for a referral to a therapist.  I could have self-referred, but because I was going private instead of waiting for the public health system, I needed a referral in order for our insurance to pay for it.  The good news on coming out is that it gets easier every time you do it.

[Suzanne44]

Hi it's Suzanne

      

      Thank you all again for your wonderful advice and your suggestions. I will definitely take them all on board. Thank you also for sharing your experiences with me. I am so happy that I have you all to ask for your advice, I really don't know what I would do without you.

 

Love you all

Suzanne : )

[Suzanne44]

Hi

It's Suzanne

     Not sure what happened to my post last night, never mind. It was just an update about writing my coming out letter. I was getting a little frustrated about how much to put in It at one time. I don't want to overload my family all at once. Well I'm still having trouble today. I wish it was a little easier. I guess it's not supposed to be easy though is it.

      Well I've also been thinking about going and seeing my GP about wanting to begin transitioning, to get the ball rolling before giving my family the letter. That way they won't be able to talk me out of it if they have a negative response to my letter. I'm not really sure what to do. I think I should just take a deep breath and just do it. Just rip the plaster off as they say. Trouble is it's easier said than done. I have so many butterflies in my stomach just thinking about it. I feel like crying. It's so hard. Anyway I'll keep you posted.

 

❤️ Suzanne 

 

[Zelaire]

You’re so not alone, @Suzanne44. I’ve only told five people in total, including two therapists, my wife, and two close friends. It’s butterflies and anxiety each time. As you can imagine, telling my wife was the hardest. I broke down over it several times before I was able to work up the courage. I also wrote a letter of sorts—more notes that I could use while talking to be sure I didn’t miss anything and could remember the order I wanted to share details in. She was a sympathetic and careful listener. I think we still have a long way to go before she’s comfortable with this, or before I myself even know what this all means for me and us. But it was not the disaster I catastrophized in my mind. So, for what it’s worth, I hold onto the notion that our anxiety is often far worse than reality turns out to be.

Good luck! ❤️

[Suzanne44]

Hi

   Thank you for kind words and advice. Also for sharing your own experiences with me, it means a lot to me. I've had so many scenarios going around in my head it gets so confusing. I often think about the worst outcomes of situations instead of thinking about positive ones. It means so much that I have friends on here that I can talk to and turn to for advice.  I've been alone with all of this for so long it's comforting to now know that I am not alone anymore, and it means so much that I can turn to you all for support and advice. I will indeed remember that reality can turn out much better than we can imagine. Thank you so much Zelaire.

 

❤️ Suzanne.