Battered...an after-action analysis. Trigger Warning.

[awkward-yet-sweet]

Before continuing to read, know that this thread contains descriptions of violence.  Not graphic, but could be disturbing to some.  I've been away for a couple of weeks, due to being a victim of an assault and some medical stuff following.  I don't really use the label "hate crime" since I don't think a motive should really matter as much as the outcome, but in my case it probably applies. 

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I rarely go out by myself.  I prefer to be social, and if I'm burning gas driving to town I invite others to come along and combine our errands for efficiency.  However, I was kind of impatient and I wanted to go shopping for some art supplies.  On my way back to the rural area where I live, I slowed to avoid hitting a deer that ran across the road.  The truck behind me didn't slow down, and rear-ended my car. 

 

I took a moment to text my GF and drop a GPS pin before I got out, letting her know I might need a ride if the damage was bad.  I went to the rear of my car to look at the damage, and from there my memory gets a bit fuzzy.  The guy who rear-ended my car either didn't like my appearance, or didn't like that I was going to report to insurance. I vaguely remember him calling me a couple of anti-gay slurs.  Something angered him, anyways.  He was a lot bigger than me - much taller and probably twice my weight.  I didn't have a chance, and he hit me in the face and stunned me before I could react.  I don't remember much after that, but the investigation concluded that he slammed my whole body repeatedly against the side of my car, hard enough to dent the door and broke the window with my head.  He left me bleeding on the ground and drove off.   

 

Thankfully, for every nasty person in the world, there's a good one.  Another man driving by found me.  He called 911, and concluding that an ambulance wouldn't get there fast enough, he put me in his car and took me to the hospital himself.  I woke up in the hospital after a few hours, and its going to be some weeks before I'm alright again.  I've got 3 cracked ribs, and a couple of broken fingers.  I've had a dislocated shoulder and torn ligaments repaired, and a lot stitches for cuts on my face and hands.  Due to the head impact, I've got a moderate brain injury/contusions.  It will take some time to get over the headaches and other issues.  Memory is spotty.  Took me a bit to remember things like passwords, for example.  My neurologist told me to literally do nothing for 7-10 days.  No reading, no art, no outside work.  I sleep a lot, which is apparently normal.  I'm just starting to get back online, and I probably won't be able to work for the foreseeable future.   

 

Evidently I struggled enough that my attacker went to a quick clinic, claiming he'd been bitten and scratched by an animal.  Staff there figured out that was a lie, and called the police.  Police connected that report with the report about me, and he was taken in pretty quickly.  He's being charged with Aggravated Assault and first degree Battery.  IDK how I'll get restitution for the medical bills and my destroyed car, but I imagine the prosecution will figure that out. 

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Looking back, I did a couple of things right.  Dropping a GPS pin to my GF enabled my family to find me quickly.  A passing citizen had taken me to the hospital, and if I hadn't been easily identified I could have been a Jane Doe until I woke up.  I had ID and insurance information in my wallet, and hospital staff were able to make contact.  Also, I managed to mark my attacker enough that he didn't get away with it.  Even when outmatched, never give up. 

 

I also did some things that should have been better.  I should have stayed in the car, instead I assumed I was safe.  Even mid-morning on a nice summer day on a well-traveled road is not safe, apparently.  I have a carry license and a pistol, but I don't keep it on me.  I also dropped my phone in the car.  When I exited to look at the damage, I had nothing on me but my wallet.  I knew better!  I also knew better than to let a stranger get close to me, but somehow he closed the distance very rapidly.  "Conversation distance" is also "assault distance" and big people can move faster than you think. 

 

My hope by mentioning this stuff that others will use greater situational awareness, and think about how you might approach an unexpected situation like a car accident.  Focusing on the obvious problem can hide other danger. 

 

 

 

 

[Heather Nicole]

OMG!!!!!! I'm so sorry this happened!!

 

I really don't know what to say, I'm terrible with words, but I'm glad they were caught, and I'm glad you're recovering!

 

[tracy_j]

I'm glad things are working out but obviously it's really a no win situation.

 

I have generally found that accidents come out of the blue and things happen in an instant. I remember having such a shunt one time which luckily resulted in no damage whatsoever but it sounded bad. The guy who ran into me still mouthed off even though he was in the wrong. It was no trans thing in that case, just that he had just pushed himself into a corner and was lashing out, luckily only verbally. I am glad it happened in the middle of town and there were witnesses around as that time may have gone bad very quickly.

 

Take care of yourself and get well soon. I hope the mental scars don't last.

 

Tracy

[DeeDee]

Oh my word!! There is no point dwelling on what you could or should have done differently. The fault is entirely with the other person and their inability to act like an adult. I am glad that they have been caught and I hope you have a speedy recovery and are back to doing art projects before too long.

[Ivy]

Yikes.   This was an awful thing to happen to you.

I hope your recovery goes as well as possible. 

I also hope they throw the book at the bastard that did this.

[Vidanjali]

I'm so sorry you're happened to you @awkward-yet-sweet . I am very glad they caught the guy. Tracy mentioned mental scars. Once you're sufficiently physically recovered, do consider talking to a trauma professional - even if it doesn't seem urgent, it would be beneficial to work out any potential lingering mental trauma so that it won't have a chance to rear its head when you least expect it. Do take care and rest well. 

[Kelly2509]

Holy -crap-, that's awful!  So glad they caught the bastard and I hope your recovery goes well.  good reminder that when you make an unexpected stop, make sure you are covering yourself (GPS pin, etc.).

[awkward-yet-sweet]

To those who are wondering....yes, the guy is going away for a long time.  Pretty sure the prosecutor is going to ask for maximum sentence of 20 years.  I'm not sure how I feel about it.  On one hand, I don't want to take part in ruining such a large portion of somebody's life.  I'm much more sad than angry, so punishing him doesn't make things better.  On the other hand, if he doesn't change his ways he can't be out and able to do it to somebody else. 

 

@Vidanjali I'm not exactly sure how to find someone to deal with the mental aspect of this.  I've had a couple of irritating run-ins with therapists, and I'm not optimistic about finding a professional.  Unfortunately, this is affecting me even 2 weeks later.  I used to be happy and content....now I feel nervous about being alone. 

[Mx.Drago]

Thank the divine and that good Samaritan, you're alive and recovering. Don't feel bad for that guy, he needed to be put away. That guy ruined his own life by deciding to attack and harm you for no reason, the beast earned what he got. Yeah it's sad but that's his problem now to fix. You worry about getting better and keep your friends close. Past can't be fixed, but hopefully with time and friends it won't be a significant issue for the future. Get well and be safe.

[Vidanjali]

14 hours ago, awkward-yet-sweet said:

 

@Vidanjali I'm not exactly sure how to find someone to deal with the mental aspect of this.  I've had a couple of irritating run-ins with therapists, and I'm not optimistic about finding a professional.  Unfortunately, this is affecting me even 2 weeks later.  I used to be happy and content....now I feel nervous about being alone. 

 

I completely understand being hesitant about therapy because I have also had my share of negative experiences with therapists. Regarding trauma treatment, I was extremely impressed with a therapist I saw in 2018 named Laura Kohn. She was recommended to me by two friends specifically because she was trained and skilled in a modality called "rapid trauma resolution". In 2018, I encountered an event which triggered the worst PTSD symptoms I'd had in many years. I had one hypnotherapy session with Laura Kohn, and the results were impressive. The PTSD symptoms abated (including a dramatic decrease in the occurrence of nightmares which has persisted to the present). The hypnosis modality is active in that during the session, you are educated and taught skills - you are completely aware and in control the entire time. Kohn is in Fort Lauderdale, and I do not know whether she does telemedicine. But, if you're encouraged, it may be worth asking, or at least trying to find a therapist closer to you who is trained in this modality. I understand it is terrible to live in fear. I hope you'll find some good guidance. 

[Betty K]

Wow, it is shocking that there are such children masquerading as grown men out there in the world. I’m very sorry to hear this happened to you @awkward-yet-sweet, and I’m impressed you did as much as you did. I know I would never have expected the guy to act like that. Best wishes for your recovery. I’m sure it would take me longer than two weeks to feel confident after something like that. 

[awkward-yet-sweet]

@Vidanjali Interesting...I hadn't thought that hypnosis was a real thing, but if it gives more rapid results I might have to ask about it.  I'm a long ways from Florida, but I'm sure there's other resources closer to me, and that therapist you mention might be able to get me linked up.  Thanks!

 

16 hours ago, Betty K said:

Wow, it is shocking that there are such children masquerading as grown men out there in the world.

Children... I rather thought I was dealing with a bear masquerading as a man.  It just isn't a good situation when I'm 110 lbs and he's double that and much taller too.  Actually, I lost ten pounds through all this.  I haven't got my appetite back, which is something I hope that doesn't last.  I hate to be losing muscle mass because I've always been slender, but with my ribs hurting I just don't feel like exercise 🙄

 

 

 

 

[Betty K]

21 hours ago, awkward-yet-sweet said:

I hate to be losing muscle mass because I've always been slender

 

I can certainly relate to not wanting to lose muscle mass; it's what has kept me away from anti-androgens until very recently.

 

I see your assailant as a typical man-child, someone who has never outgrown the self-centred instinct that very young children have to lash out whenever they feel thwarted, regardless of whether they themselves are in the wrong. But hey, maybe he was raised by bears as well!

[awkward-yet-sweet]

@Betty K  I hadn't thought about the MtF end of it...I guess the anti-androgen decision could be a tough one 💔

 

As for that nasty fellow...raised by bears or not, life has an interesting way of introducing folks like that to people bigger than themselves, especially in prison.  I don't relish the effects of the justice system, as I doubt it does much to help people reform and become less dangerous.  But I don't think there are any viable alternatives.  If people could just grow up at the right point in their lives...

[Betty K]

50 minutes ago, awkward-yet-sweet said:

I guess the anti-androgen decision could be a tough one

 

Yes, it has been, but I finally started about a week ago.

 

I agree it seems unlikely the prison system reforms many people, but what can you do? That guy is a danger to all around him.

[Delcina B]

@awkward-yet-sweet So sorry to hear this happened to you & hope you have a complete recovery! Thank you for sharing this, I too live in the rural South & have been fortunate to have not had a similar occurrence. It is something to keep vigilant for. Hopefully enough people see this loco mamacita out cutting brush for my goats with a machete & leave me alone. Unfortunately it won't help others of us out there.

 

The man is a criminal & hopefully will be where he can't attack anyone else for a long time & maybe it will send a message to other would be attackers.

 

Hugs!

Delcina 

[This Ichi]

I can't really tell how I feel right now. Sorry to hear this happended.

Thank you for the warning at the start and also for your analysis.

 

Hope your recovery goes well!

 

Careful Hug!

[awkward-yet-sweet]

@Delcina B A machete is one tool that people might think twice about.  Actually, we usually have them in our vehicle tool kits.  Totally hadn't thought of it like that.  I've been told by different people over the years that a lot of security is mindset.  I'm more fluffy than fierce....I just don't have the mindset to be very vigilant no matter how hard I try.  😪

 

@This Ichi Wie geht's?   (I've only learned a few German words and phrases, but my GF and husband speak it/shout it to each other) Hopefully things are relatively safe in München, especially with Oktoberfest beginning. 

[This Ichi]

On 9/17/2022 at 5:08 AM, awkward-yet-sweet said:

 

@This Ichi Wie geht's?   (I've only learned a few German words and phrases, but my GF and husband speak it/shout it to each other) Hopefully things are relatively safe in München, especially with Oktoberfest beginning. 

Es geht mir gut, danke! 😊 I am glad to live in Munich since it is a very safe city but yes, Oktoberfest is absolutely crazy times. For the good and the bad.

[awkward-yet-sweet]

Ugh.  Today is not so good for me.  I'm 3.5 weeks out from my injuries, and while the physical pain has lessened, I'm wondering if I'm left with permanent damage from the TBI.  I'm not getting my fine motor skills back yet, and that has made art and graphics on the computer impossible.  I have some trouble drawing by hand, too. 😪 

 

I actually curled up and panicked and cried this morning.  It has been such a big part of me, and at least for now it is GONE.  I know I'm still recovering, but what if I don't?  What if my skill is gone for good? 

[Confused1]

OMG @awkward-yet-sweetI am so sorry you had to endure this. I have not been on the forum in awhile and just read this. I don't know where all this hate comes from, but I live in the south as well and have wondered if my turn will eventually come up.

 

Please take care of yourself. You are not ruining a part of his life, HE DID THAT ON HIS OWN!

 

Hugs,

Mike

[Delcina B]

Hi @awkward-yet-sweet! So sad to hear of your setbacks! Hopefully they are just temporary & you can overcome them. A search for therapy might be worth a try even with your past experiences with it. Sometimes if we keep trying, like the Little Engine That Could (grandkids here) we make it. Just don't give up! 

 

Hugs!

Delcina 

[This Ichi]

 @awkward-yet-sweet So sorry to read this. It is not the same but it might help: A good friend of mine had quite a bad stroke a couple years ago. The could not speak but he sat down 8-10 hours every day and did nothing else than lessons he got from his speech therapist. After 3 months nobody ever could tell he once had stuggled to speak. For him it was 3 month of doing boring lessons like full time work without weekends. But in the end it payed off. Hope you find your motivation and that you also get rewarded for it! 🤗

[awkward-yet-sweet]

I'm doing some practice every day trying to get my fine motor skills back, but it is so frustrating.  I was doing dishes after lunch today, and it was like I suddenly couldn't control my hands.  I dropped a tray of glass jars on the floor, and they shattered and made a huge mess. 😪  I'm not sure how much of that is due to brain injury and how much is due to messed up nerves, muscles, and tendons from repeated impacts. 

 

I'm seeing the neurologist again next week, so maybe I'll have some further guidance.  Luckily (or unluckily) we already knew a very good one.  One of my partners suffered TBI in a car wreck as a teenager.  She's had some long-lasting issues, including hearing loss and seizures.  She does really well with her limitations and is an awesome mother!  I love her so much.  But part of helping her the last few years has scared me that what I'm experiencing could be permanent, be a partial disability, or even get worse in the future. 

 

One bit of good news - I found out that my application for crime-victim reparations from the state has been accepted - and quite rapidly.  Our county sheriff is a close friend of our family, and he's been very persistent on my behalf. 

 

I wasn't really worried about the money, but it is a relief that the state will cover the majority of my out-of-pocket medical costs.  I have good insurance, so it will be enough...but for those who are uninsured, something like this could still be catastrophic.  The state's maximum payout is only $25,000, which would be a drop in the bucket for some medical issues.  My attacker will probably have all his property sold off to cover some of this...but if he's like most people, what he owns is probably worth very little. 

[Marcie Jensen]

@awkward-yet-sweet, I'm so sorry this happened to you. No one deserves this sort of event. The trauma, physical and psychological are terrible and can be debilitating. It's a sad state of affairs that our world has people, and I use the term loosely, like that. 

 

I've only got a couple of things to add, as everyone else has done such a good job. First, carrying your pistol probably wouldn't have helped unless you've been trained on how to quick draw. Courtesy of the U.S. Army (24 years service), I know a bit about both pistol use and TBIs. Let me share some trivia. 

 

First, an adult human can cover more than 21 feet before the average person can draw, aim and fire. I've this proven in training too many times to doubt it.  Second, you didn't ruin this jerk's life. He did it all on his own and IMHO, 20 years in jail is what he deserves. Third, he was in the wrong because he rear-ended you; and having accidently hit a deer once, had you hit the deer it would have probably totalled your car, sad to say. You were right to stop.

 

Finally, TBIs can take a while to heal. GOt a lot of buddies who have suffered them  due to the wars in the Middle East. So, after only 3.5 weeks, your progress is remarkable. No one has mentioned this, so I will. You might consider getting some physical therapy as well as a therapist. Oh, yeah, having a senior moment. Forgive me here, but there might well be some PTSD involved from this incident.  It is too common and nothing to be ashamed of or scared of. I've still got some PTSD issues that stem from Desert Storm over 31 years ago. Please take care of yourself.

 

Hugs.