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MtF or non binary? my story so far


Pegasus123

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Hi everyone and thank you in advance for reading my story.

I'm from Italy, 30 years old, born male.

I've always felt different.  I used to play with dolls and my parents were always supportive (they bought me those dolls...) and I knew I was gay since I was a kid.

I started going out with gay boys and I came out as gay at the age of 23 (until then I was too busy with my studies and sports...) and from that point on I've had many relationships and everything was going really well.

But I think I've always felt a woman,  even though it's very hidden in me because I don't look or act feminine at all. I always pass as a straight guy and many gay boys liked me because I am "masculine" so I played this role to have more partners and to be accepted even in the lgbtq+ world, even if I didn't like to be portrayed as "masculine".

I've always felt unconfortable in my body. I was doing a lot of sports, eating a lot, and then running a lot to stay fit, but I never felt OK in my skin even though other people liked me I've never liked myself. As for my sexual role, I've always been vers but I sometimes felt embarrassed being a top.

Recently I broke up with my last boyfriend, who was a super masc guy, gym addicted, didn't like girls' stuff or even gays' stuff. The years with him were an eye opener in the sense that I realized I'm not like him and that I don't like people like him.

So I started collecting bags. Women's bags. I love them. I bought the first one at a vintage shop and then I went on buying more.

But I still look like a guy, I have a beard, muscles (I'm still in sports), and so on.

I also became interested in drag, but I haven't tried it yet.

At the moment I feel non binary.

I even told my mom who was supportive as always.

Some of my gay friends didn't get it. One of them hates drag queens and told me that I was pretending to be a trans woman to do what drag queens do: being mysoginist. Of course he's wrong, but I understand it's hard to accept the fact that I am trans, because I've always presented myself as a nice "masc" gay boy whom every other gay boy usually likes.

I don't feel I need therapies, doctors or surgery.

But I would like to look more like a woman, or maybe I would like to try expressing myself with female clothing.

That's it, I think I've written enough.

 

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  • 2 months later...

if youre confident that you feel nonbinary then youre nonbinary. you might be under the lunarian umbrella with a more feminine gender expression if you want to be specific 

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