Hello

[Allison1982]

Hello, I am Allison. I recently came out as a transgender woman. I have known since I was little that I was different. I always wanted to wear my mom's clothes and had an easier time interacting with girls. But my religious parents caught me wearing women's underclothes and sent me to talk to their religious leader. I essentially was shamed into hiding thinking this was wrong and that with God's help I can overcome this. So I dived into anything and everything masculine to try and overcome this and be a better man. I enlisted in the Marine corps after high school and got married couple years later. I was always fighting being me and it manifested in me crossdressing. I tried hiding it from my spouse, but she would find the clothes and then i would purge and go for a while but then wojld come back to it. This cycle went on for years, I ended up getting deployed overseas and I constantly volunteered for every dangerous mission hoping to come back a hero in a coffin instead of the failure I felt I was. I switched over to the Air Force and was deployed 3 more times. About 3 years I started to regularly wear womans under clothing, this went on and then I finally got a therapist and they helped me work through everything and I came out to my wife as transgender and we decided to get a divorce because it would no longer work, she wasn't interested in being married to a woman. She is actually very supportive of me transitioning and we still talk regularly and are friends. But I have begun the process to transition in the military. I am jumping through the hoops to get that all done.

[Mmindy]

Hello Allison,

 

Welcome to TransPulseForums, you're among like minded people here, and there's even a Military/Veteran section. Your experiences are so common to the stories previously explained by others here. I went the Public Safety route to prove my masculine abilities. I'm glad you have a good or reasonable relationship with your ex-wife, because you will forever be attached to her through your shared children. You'll share holiday events, birthdays, and school events together. Then when they grow up you'll share weddings as the parents of the bride or groom, eventually grandchildren. Please know that you're not alone in the transition experience, and this place is full of people willing to listen, and share their experiences.

 

I'm on a slow slide through the androgynous scale to the feminine. My wife and I have been married for 46 years, and she's very reluctant in her support of me. She outed me to our grown children, their spouses, and as wrong as that was, it turned out well. It was like ripping the bandage off of an old, but deep wound.

 

Best wishes, stay positive, and motivated,

 

Mindy🐛🏳️‍⚧️🦋 

[Colleen Henderson]

40 minutes ago, Allison1982 said:

This cycle went on for years, I ended up getting deployed overseas and I constantly volunteered for every dangerous mission hoping to come back a hero in a coffin instead of the failure I felt I was.

Welcome, Allison!

 

Kristen Beck, the former Navy SEAL, reported having experienced that same thought process while deployed in combat zones.

[Bri2020]

Welcome Allison,

Your story is very common. It was close to mine in fact. Same childhood except I never got "caught" but the fear of it drove me into hiding that part from myself and other. Did a little Army time, adrenaline sports married, kids etc etc. First marriage dissolved after my suicide attempt probably brought on by my shame and depression of not being fully me. Drove those feelings back into my psyche for years again. Finally couldn't hide it from myself anymore. I did occasional cross dressing but tried to explain it to myself as a fetish vs wanting to be a woman but eventually that facade cracked. 2nd wife fully support me transitioning but eventually realized we were best as friends since she wanted a man in her life and I wanted a woman who was attracted to me physically as well as a friend.  We still see or talk to each other at least 5 times a week but both of us can now be true and fulfilled. 

I found this forum to be the most supportive place where you can ask anything without judgement and get a lot of important information.  Jump in, the more you participate here, the more you will get out of it. You will probably make lifelong friends if you do.  

Once again, welcome

Hugs

Bri

[Heather Shay]

@Allison1982 Hello Allison, I see you've already met some of the most fantastic people I know. Glad you found us.

Hugs,

Heather

[StephieGurl]

Sorry, Allison, to hear you had to go through all that crap, especially the religious part. All the rest did not sound easy. I am glad you are getting help now. I hope you can look forward to a better life. Stephie

[KathyLauren]

Hi, Allison.  Your story sounds very familiar, as it will be to a lot of trans women.  I joined the RCAF, to "man up".  It didn't work, obviously.  Did you know that trans women join the military at about twice the rate of the general population? 

 

Jump in to any conversation that interests you, or start your own if you wish.

 

Regards,

Kathy

[Allison1982]

Thank you so much for the kind words and being welcoming. I have realized that when I came out as transgender that I had isolated myself and really didn't have any friends of my own, they were all my wife's friends or coworkers. But not really anyone that I could feel comfortable opening up. I am glad that I came across this forum and so far have met some real nice people. Thank you again everyone.

[Susan R]

14 hours ago, Allison1982 said:

I essentially was shamed into hiding thinking this was wrong and that with God's help I can overcome this.

Hi @Allison1982, This is the same mindset I had growing up. I had no idea that my desire to be myself as a woman was a deep part of my core being and could not be corrected through any spiritual healing. IMHO, changing your authentic self is impossible…you can try to fit in but there will always be a feeling of gender incongruence. At age 25, I tried being ‘prayed over’ at a non-denominational church I attended and just a week later I learned the truth and began presenting female again when I wasn’t working.

 

It’s really too bad that more people don’t understand what our transgender community is all about. All we can do is be ourselves. That should be good enough. I hope your journey brings you the freedom and joy you deserve in this life. I know you’ve found a wonderful group of people here who care about your well-being and will support whatever path you choose. It’s a pleasure to meet you!🙂

 

Warmest Regards,

Susan R🌷

[jenny75]

Hi, how are you doing?