Finding Friends and building a diverse community

[Bri2020]

Another member (Sally) made a post about moving to and settling into a new area and the challenges to starting anew. It appears to going pretty well. It brought up the idea of finding new friends and how difficult that can be. I threw my 2 cents in but thought it would be a great discussion in general.  Once we come out and maybe start transitioning we can run into the challenge of friendships. We may lose some. We may not have been developing them before coming out because of depression, fear, abandonment issues, or any other host of reasons. Once we start presenting as our new selves and living the life of a different gender, the nature of friendships can change radically. As a transwoman, I needed more women friends in my life for instance. Anyways, I figured if we could all chime in on what has worked for finding new friends for each of us that would help others.  Also, please comment on what hasn't worked for you AND why you think that was the case. Or comment on what's stopping you from reaching out.

I think we should not get into dating though- that's a whole different level lol.

Anyways, here is what I posted as a comment on the other thread to get us started.

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Moving to a new area under any circumstances is very hard.  Many people end up moving back to familiar ground for the very reason of it's hard to create new friendships and build a community no matter who you are.

I've noticed a lot of people here start by trying to connect with the local trans or LGBTQ+ community. I think finding our own community is important, however, while I don't think that's necessarily bad, I do encourage people to branch out and find a cis gendered/straight community as well.  Fear drives us (humans) to stay within the most perceived safest places but unless we (trans folks) try and get involved in the general community and have non trans friends we remain isolated. There just isn't enough of us to make that the totality of our community.  

I encourage you to find a place to volunteer that aligns with your values, whether it's helping the homeless, pet shelters, politics or other community based charity. The commonality of the values will open doors to new friendships.  Same goes for worship if that's your thing. There are a lot of faith based places that are very accepting nowadays. I have 3 churches of various denominations within walking distance of me that fly pride flags! (I'm agnostic so don't go but they are there and welcoming).

Join Meetup dot com and find groups with interests you enjoy even if it's not a LGBTQ group and engage with their outings. Once again, a shared interest opens doors.  Along those lines- maybe start a meetup group. People will always engage with the coordinator of a group so you don't have to try and break into a click or established hierarchy of friendships.  I started a mushroom foraging group and it was so popular and the people didn't care if I was trans or not, they just loved learning about foraging and I found a few new friends from it.  

I'm rooting for you all!