Jump to content
  • Welcome to the TransPulse Forums!

    We offer a safe, inclusive community for transgender and gender non-conforming folks, as well as their loved ones, to find support and information.  Join today!

Dysphoria sucks


KayriLynne

Recommended Posts

I am in a holding pattern. Now that I know what I want, I have to wait until the insurance starts to do something about it. Waiting is just being hard and all the old hiding habits are now feeling forced. 

 

Lately my dysphoria has been overwhelming. My body hair is out of control. The other day I tried shaving my chest as usual but I wound up looking like a strawberry. Every hair follicle bled and within hours the stubble was visible.   My breasts covered in little red dots with black centers, like I had come down with a rash. 

 

I want to shave my bits, but every time I think I can manage to suppress the dysphoria long enough to try, I get intrusive thoughts about other uses for a razor blade down there. So I can’t bring myself to handle and examine the equipment I was born with long enough to deal with the hair. 

 

I’m also having issues with the act of shaving (especially my face and chest) being another affirmation that this body isn’t mine, isn’t the one I see in my mind. Shaving properly requires a close examination of the area to make sure there are no missed hairs. But then there’s more stubble, in a day or even a few hours, it grows back in a painfully itchy, rough, scratchy, dark, coarse, nastiness and I just have to start again. 

 

My current job is keeping me tired and drained, so taking the time to do my shaving routine has been tough. Dedicating multiple hours of my few days off to standing in the shower or at the sink is daunting. I can’t keep my face free of stubble long enough to practice makeup, so I’m feeling like that’s yet another thing that isn’t going right. 

 

Having come out to my family (and had them be very accepting) I was hoping to do thanksgiving in girlmode, by my ex-wife’s new in-laws will be there and it sounds like they’re not going to be trans welcoming. So I’m probably gonna have to boymode for that. 

 

Just a bunch of things adding up and making me miserable. Intellectually, I know that this is just a low point and that it’ll pass and things will be better eventually.  But right now I’m depressed and I just need to vent. 


Sorry to be such a downer,

-Kayri (maybe)

Link to comment

Hi Kayri! Hmmm, hair in the wrong places, I can so relate. For me, I've found Nair works best for my body & a decent razor for my face until laser/ electrolysis. I try to keep mirror time to a minimum. My best light is moonlight. There are other things I try to work on while waiting for laser & such, like mannerisms, voice, clothes, makeup, etc. I try to remember even cis women get frustrated because they don't think their appearance is "perfect".  We few trans women are not the ones keeping the plastic surgeons in business.

 

The other day I was feeling wiped out, so I threw a bath bomb in the tub & had a fabulously relaxing soak. It was wonderful!

 

Hugs!

Delcina 

Link to comment

Hi @KayriLynne this may be obvious, and I don’t know how much money you have, but I’d say you need to get to work on your face with laser therapy ASAP. Find a skilled technician (not bargain basement); read online reviews and get someone good. And then get ready for the long haul. 8-12 sessions once monthly should maybe do it, but you should notice a difference by the third or fourth. Then, if you have grey hairs, electrolysis will do the rest. But once the brown hairs go so does the beard shadow.

 

As to your body, I feel your pain. I hate bleeding follicles and razor rash with a passion. Shaving, waxing, Nair — all have their drawbacks. Get a good women’s razor (I use Gillette Venus) if you haven’t already — not disposable. Get women’s shaving gel and a salicylic-acid-based aftershave like Ingrow Go to combat ingrown hairs. Exfoliate with a dry loofa before and after shaving, going in one direction against the grain of the hairs. Keep doing it daily, a little more each day. Moisturise with a non-greasy moisturiser immediately after shaving and daily thereafter. None of this will solve your problems, but it will hopefully lessen them. Treat yourself to a professional full-body wax now and then if you can afford it. And eventually, more laser. It’s a long, expensive process. I’m a year in and about halfway to my target, but I’ll still be shaving parts of my body even after that. Still, it does and will get better.

 

Good luck! Hang in there! Every day brings you closer to your goal.

Link to comment

Hiya KayriLynne,

 

That sounds rough. I hate body hair too. Hrt has made it easier after two and a half years. But, I always seem to get hair between my breasts. Hopefully that will lesson in time. I remember a time at the very beginning of my transition when I would go to the pool getting a tan. I looked down at my leg and I saw a few hairs. I freaked. I took all that time to make sure I got everything, and low and behold I missed hair or two. I do have the advantage of having mostly light body hair. Still except downstairs hair is the worst. I recently went through a two week of hell because of that crap down below. I use a lot of CBT reframing to deal with it. Like who put that there—I certainly didn't order it. Not that it might be helpful for you, your not the only one dealing with hair.

 

Hope you find a way to deal with it to make it better.

 

I know it isn't easy,

Stephie

Link to comment

Thank you all for the encouraging words.
 

I am looking into laser/electrolysis, but but I have some reservations. I did a 6 month course of IPL every other week and saw no change in growth even though I am light skinned and dark haired. It should be the best combo, but maybe it was due to having inconsistent technicians or just that IPL isn’t as good as actual Laser treatments.

 

I keep thinking that I should wait to do hair removal treatments until after I start HRT since they’ll probably be more effective, but the dysphoria while waiting keeps getting harder to deal with. 
 

-Kayri (maybe)

Link to comment

IPL is not as effective as laser. In my case I decided waiting was a bad idea. I sense that in your case it might be too. I’ve been on hrt for five months and have seen no noticeable difference in hair density or growth.

Link to comment

Hi kayrilynne    I been doing laser treatment since june I go every 5 weeks and i am liking the results. but it is not cheap 

Link to comment

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!

Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.

Sign In Now
  • Who's Online   6 Members, 0 Anonymous, 123 Guests (See full list)

    • Petra Jane
    • April Marie
    • kristinabee
    • Justine76
    • LaurenA
    • Abigail Genevieve
  • Recently Browsing   0 members

    • No registered users viewing this page.
  • Forum Statistics

    • Total Topics
      80.7k
    • Total Posts
      769.4k
  • Member Statistics

    • Total Members
      12,061
    • Most Online
      8,356

    Vivelacors
    Newest Member
    Vivelacors
    Joined
  • Today's Birthdays

    1. Aelia
      Aelia
      (22 years old)
    2. Just-Jenny-finally
      Just-Jenny-finally
      (65 years old)
    3. KelcieK
      KelcieK
      (50 years old)
    4. Krimson Kya
      Krimson Kya
      (35 years old)
    5. Robin
      Robin
      (56 years old)
  • Posts

    • MAN8791
      Both of my parents were raised in WASP-ish families. What was or wasn't appropriate, with an emphasise on superficial appropriateness (conformity) was verbally beaten into me the second I hit puberty.   Which is really sad as I think back, and was bewildering at the time. I remember being really free to be expressive how I wanted to and then once I started puberty, all of that freedom disappeared and I didn't understand, at all.
    • MAN8791
      I'm doing "beans and rice" for dinner tonight, but it's Punjabi style red bean curry and saffron rice, and I always have an appetizer tray of cut vegetables and dip (seasoned yogurt to go with the theme) on the table.  Might grab a package of naan from the store on the way home, or just make a pan of very american biscuits to go with.
    • MAN8791
      I'm volunteering both days of our Pride Festival (signing other volunteers in, lol).    Taking my two younger kids (oldest is way too cool for school, lol) to a family friendly pride festival, and then turning them loose at the city wide event while I listen to music. They're old enough to experiment with independence and the festival is in a controlled enough space they can feel like they're getting away from me without being *that* far away. My middle is newly out as LGBTQ+ and has been practicing their makeup look for a couple weeks already (age 14) <3 
    • Ashley0616
      Well today was mostly sleeping so far. I woke up at around 0600 and made sure my oldest was ready for school. I came back down on the computer chair and next thing I knew it was 0953. I went through speech therapy for myself. Next thing I realize it's 1300 and apparently went to sleep again. I knew I slept last night but whew apparently not enough. 
    • MAN8791
      Jeans, grey henley, heathered grey blazer with elbow patches, split sole jazz sneakers. Blazer is one of my favorite wardrobe pieces and it's warm but super windy today so perfect sort of day for it 
    • MAN8791
      Fragile is my word of the day. More intense dysphoria than my baseline normal, feeling emotionally on edge. Also ignoring a piece of therapy homework that's actually going to be beautiful when it's done (I'm doing an art piece exploring emotions around the name I was given at birth).
    • MAN8791
      Got accosted in a grocery store parking lot this morning by someone out on a petition drive (in my state, citizens can gather petition signatures to advance ballot measures; I'm always a little cautious about encountering petition drives "in the wild" because unless it's an issue that's been talked about *a lot* it can also be used as a way to just gather voter information).   ANYWAY, the person with the clipboard is presumable cis male and aggressive and I'm AFAB, genderfluid, dressed pretty androgenously this morning and this guy hollars across the parking lot asking "young lady" if I'm a registered voter.   Informed him I'm neither young nor a lady (guy was at least a decade younger than me, maybe more) and wasn't interested in the petition anyway.   "Oh, so I guess you're just offended then."   "YEP!"  
    • Vidanjali
      Welcome @FelixThePickleMan! I admire your ambition to become a K9 handler. Working dogs are fascinating and outstanding. 
    • Vidanjali
    • FelixThePickleMan
      I also struggle with being short (5'2) and everyone around me is taller especially my guy friends. And to my guy friend I pass with them and they're cool with me being trans but I often don't feel man enough and I'ts really hard dealing with the feeling of not being enough, and my mom often makes it seem as if I'm hopping on a trend which isn't true. I wear masculine clothes and sometimes I pass well but a lot of times I don't and that's really a struggle. Some people say I act masculine and others say the opposite, I try to pass but some times it's really hard especially with my mom because she uses my birth name me and uses she her pronouns for me and doesn't let anyone use anything else because they say they're being respectful to her even though she's not there. I remember being in an art group and they use my name Felix and my mom got flaming mad and told me and the people in charge that if they called me Felix again she would revoke my privilege to go there and I'd never go again. So it's often tough to pass all the time. 
    • Ashley0616
      WOW! Did she give a reason at least? It's not like it takes up that much space.
    • awkward-yet-sweet
      Yeah, it would be awesome to have something new, and it would fit the space pretty well.  We have kitchen counters big enough to process whole deer, goats, large amounts of vegetables, etc.   Unfortunately for me, I couldn't even convince our "den queen" to let me have counter space in our downstairs kitchenette for a Keurig.  🙄
    • Vidanjali
    • MAN8791
      I think the biggest mental block to acceptance is the language that keeps us othered and on the fringes, rather than woven deeply into society. But I also think that's changing fairly rapidly. My youngest is well into their young adult genre novels phase and I'm impressed (and kind of amazed) at how many of their mainstream traditionally published novels have LGBTQ+ themes woven in. That child is 12, and I suspect that as the kids who are in middle school along with them grow up, they're just going to expect and demand better than we've done as their parents. They've seen it in the fiction they read and have every expectation that it will be part of the life they live.
    • Ashley0616
      Heck they took off three grand on that one. That is massive! Then again your nest isn't small either so I guess would definitely come in handy.
  • Upcoming Events

Contact TransPulse

TransPulse can be contacted in the following ways:

Email: Click Here.

To report an error on this page.

Legal

Your use of this site is subject to the following rules and policies, whether you have read them or not.

Terms of Use
Privacy Policy
DMCA Policy
Community Rules

Hosting

Upstream hosting for TransPulse provided by QnEZ.

Sponsorship

Special consideration for TransPulse is kindly provided by The Breast Form Store.
×
×
  • Create New...