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Transition (not a choice for me)


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I learned that I was born with a female mind at the age of 52 - the word "transgender" didn't exist in my vocabulary at the time.  It took me about 2 months to accept that my psychologist's conclusion seemed to be correct.  The before and after story for me is like night and day and some of the changes happened almost overnight.  I'll summarize my situation by just saying that my mind really loved seeing me appear as a woman.  The more time I spent as a woman, the harder it was for me to continue my pretense of being the man that my biology suggested I should be.  For me, I didn't see living authentically as a choice because there was no acceptable alternative for me.  I'd lived in a world of confusion and depression for almost 40 years (the dark) and after experiencing "the light" I saw only one survival option - live authentically.   I started coming out in mid-late May 2022 with a few unplanned oversharing moments at work.  I was reborn on 1-Jun-2022, the day that I presented as a woman in public for the first time.

My transition story is both embarrassing and amazing.   The embarrassing is because very few people were surprised by my coming out (long story) - in hindsight it's easy to see that my past existence was troubled because I could never hide my femininity.  The amazing because almost everyone has accepted me as a woman, in what most people describe as a very redneck or backwards town.  I am so glad that I never acted on my almost daily thoughts and dreams about ending my life, because I've finally experienced how great living can be.

The biggest challenge facing me now is to heal my numerous open psychological wounds - I really hope that one day I can think or talk about my past without breaking down almost immediately.  This post has taken almost an hour to write because of my strong emotional response to even the briefest mention of my years of existence.

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  • Forum Moderator

G'day Trans22,


Welcome to TransPulseForums, I'm sure you'll find this forum to be helpful, and the people caring enough to listen, and respond to your postings. Look around and join in on the conversations that peak you attention. Like you, I'm doing the late-n-life transition, although I've know that I wanted to be a girl from my preteen age. Since there wasn't an easy way to learn about people like us way back in the 1960s, I just became the over compensating male figure. I came out to my wife in 2020, and we've moved through several troubling stages in our relationship. I'm taking a slow road through transition, and we talk openly about how to move forward.


Best wishes, stay positive, and motivated.



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Welcome to TransPulse, and better late than never, I always say.  I'm so glad you are finally living and expressing your true self.  You will find support here, but most importantly, you'll find great friends.  This forum has an amazing group of people, from whom I've learned so much.  I have no doubt this will be one of your happy places. 

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For me it didn't happen until I was 58. Not so much of a difference. I became Stephie on 11/10/18, and have never went back. Granted I had to figure out what the heck to do, but it was Stephie all the way doing. I started to transition in July of 2019, when I came out to my therapist. I had previously had only come out to my partner. (Slowly she came around from a doubter to could be to you are attractive woman, and she has never looked back.) I still did not know what I was going to do when she ask if I was going to transition. 3 months later I did. Started hrt in April 2020. I have been very glad over the end point. Granted a few things could change over the next 2 and half years. If not, I will still be happy. Life has never been better. I was ma'am at least six times today. Never thought that was going to happen. It does not mean life does not have it's troubles. It does. Even an episode of depression which saw myself in the hospital for 4 days. Things seem to be getting better, but the troubles keep coming. Trying to think if I am capable of taking care of my partner when she comes home from doing rehab for shoulder replacement surgery. I recently found out that my dad in his 90s had refib and is now on medicine. And just today my farther called and said my mom just got out of surgery for a broken shoulder. All these operations going on around me after I decided not to pursue bottom surgery any more after 7 months of pain post neck surgery. 


Anyway this post is for you. And congratulations on finding yourself even if it took 52 years. You have lot's of life yet to live. You are the oldest person yet that has said they didn't know until a late age. So, I don't feel so alone. Previously the latest finder outers were in their 30s. 


Wishing you all the best, Stephie (she/her).


Remember when something seem undoable "the future is open."

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Thanks for your replies.  It's nice to know that my not alone in late discovery.  I always knew that I was different to all other boys, just never contemplated the idea that my gender could be different to my biological sex until 2021.

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Hi! Thank you so much for sharing your story! It's people giving their time to share such stories that give me hope! At 62 I knew I'd never felt I "fitted in", that I identified with women, and in theory what trans feminine implied: but I would never have had the courage to apply it to myself.  But my mind continuously ruminated on suicide and self harm... And on the woman inside me.  Now I have admitted to my wife and more importantly myself that I am trans.  Wow: it's still very difficult, but reading your story in which I recognise so much really helps me look to the future, and gives me hope. Thank you! Thea

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  • Forum Moderator

Nice to meet you @Trans22.  Like so many of us here, I knew I wasn’t right from my teen years, but knew nothing about transgenders and had no one I could talk to about my thoughts.  I fought it for many years believing it was wrong and I would be punished for my thoughts.  

it finally became unbearable at age 68 and I was finally to talk to a therapist about it.  That’s when I learned about myself.  

So buckle up and enjoy the ride.  Ask questions, join in the discussions or just sit back and read until you are ready.



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Compared to every transition story I've read so far (no more than 10), mine is a fairy-tale.  I'm definitely enjoying life now, really hope it lasts.

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On 11/30/2022 at 9:51 AM, Thea Sempere said:

Hi! Thank you so much for sharing your story! It's people giving their time to share such stories that give me hope! At 62 I knew I'd never felt I "fitted in", that I identified with women, and in theory what trans feminine implied: but I would never have had the courage to apply it to myself.  But my mind continuously ruminated on suicide and self harm... And on the woman inside me.  Now I have admitted to my wife and more importantly myself that I am trans.  Wow: it's still very difficult, but reading your story in which I recognise so much really helps me look to the future, and gives me hope. Thank you! Thea

You should find lot's of support from us older gals here.

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6 hours ago, Trans22 said:

Compared to every transition story I've read so far (no more than 10), mine is a fairy-tale.  I'm definitely enjoying life now, really hope it lasts.

Like Jimi Hendrix said in a song (can't remember which): "just keep on pushing straight ahead"

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  • Posts

    • Betty K
      I’m glad to hear you mean no harm and have no beef with genderfluid folks. Thank you for clarifying that. This still seems a strange presumption to me though, when so much of anti-trans propaganda is clearly either (a) concocted in bad faith to justify an argument, or (b) based on ignorant assumptions. Yes it’s possible a few outliers in the trans community are making ridiculous claims about this topic, but even if so I seriously doubt they are the cause of the relevant anti-trans propaganda.    That may well be a fair call, and you’re right that “transphobe” is an over-generalisation. I used it as a shorthand and because, as Sally and MaeBe said, there is always a transphobic minority that spreads the anti-trans views which then unfortunately influence some who are less transphobic. But I still think we can fairly characterise such beliefs as being transphobic, at least partly. As to the absence of hatred in those church documents, you may be right about that, but I would be wary of taking people or institutions at face value when they urge love and compassion. Even the most virulent transphobes sometimes claim to support trans people. Actions speak louder than words.    I do better understand your anguish over lack of belief in trans identities now though. It must be very difficult being trans and involved with certain churches. I know there are some churches that accept and affirm trans folks though; maybe it’s time for a change in denomination?
    • Abigail Genevieve
      I looked through the Focus on the Family material and also the Southern Baptist Convention stuff, both highly influential, both rejecting transgenderism.  I found no hatred but an urge to treat people with love and compassion. I found some logical fallacies in both and nothing convinced me to change my position.  SBC assumes someone who is transgender is not saved and so is not allowed to join their congregations.    I have a certain affection for both.  FotF helped us with some material that helped us raise our kids and on most issues they are fellow travelers.  SBC seeks to conscientiously fight the good fight but I would never join a SBC church for reasons that are irrelevant here.  Not that I could now in good conscience.  I look like a guy? SURPRISE!  Left boot of fellowship.   The Nashville Statement is worse.  CBMW.org wrote it and it has been criticized heavily by some trans folk. . https://cbmw.org/nashville-statement#articles  I am saddened at some of who signed the thing. Articles 10 and 13 are of particular interest.  Other things can be found here that trans folk would take exception to. But they do not treat TG as something flippant.    I would not refer to any of these as transphobes.  I am not sure the term is useful in conceptualizing or interacting with those who object to the idea of transgender being something besides sin.  When all you have is a hammer, everything is a nail.    
    • Maddee
      Happy to see the rainbows again🌈🌈
    • Ashley0616
    • Vidanjali
      Nice to see you, dear and congratulations on your upcoming anniversary. Very well done!
    • Vidanjali
      It's estimated between 1-2% of the general population is transgender. This is based on a cursory web search of studies and stats. So apply that to all teachers and students in Florida. According to ballotpedia, in 2022 there was a total of about 3 million public school teachers and students combined. That does not include  higher ed institutions and private institutions. So let's tack on another million people which is a pretty conservative estimate. 1-2% of 4 million is 40,000-80,000 people.
    • Vidanjali
      Both. In the course of experience an individual will naturally go through periods of inquiry and seek to define their experiences for deeper personal insight. This potentially goes on and on, though some have greater curiosity than others.
    • Ashley0616
      Heck I would get rid of the left and right lower rib. I would love a narrower waist but I would still need to get rid of my gut. I guess I'll do liposuction and tummy tuck and while they are at they can remove those ribs. 
    • MaeBe
      What @Sally Stone wrote is what I think as well.   The flippancy they ascribe to trans people is to validate their position that trans people are given to whim and swayed by the "trans ideology" that is "poisoning" humanity. Projecting this narrative on trans people "wins them points" in the game of their own making and being loud about it gets others to listen. They get those, who likely don't have a personal stake in transgender rights, to nod their heads up and down to increase the volume of their rhetoric. The passive transphobe does this because they have never needed to comprehend gender as anything as what they've always assumed; the "easy" answer the loud ones project just seems "logical" when there is no comprehension or compassion.   Once a person looks past their own ignorance they can come to understand this isn't about what they fear (insert crass statement about what transphobes are actually afraid of). It's just too easy to be ignorant and state "all I've ever known are two genders, boys and girls, who have sex together to make babies" (conflating gender and sex, as usual...) instead of taking just a little bit of time to understand the world is more complex than a simple bible verse.   For those people, I have a rib or two they can have for making more women--that's just how they're made--I really want a narrower waist for dress season.
    • Abigail Genevieve
      St. Louis is a Cardinals town.  At least you have the right team!
    • Abigail Genevieve
      The mindset seems to be: they are not crazy, we are.   Surveys indicate the majority of people are in favor of trans rights.  There is a minority that is influenced by the inner minority, the hard core "transphobes".  I think a lot of people simply need information.  But then they get two streams of information from opposite directions. 
    • Mmindy
      Good afternoon everyone,   We're heading back to the St. Louis, MO metro area for my sister-in-laws retirement party. It appears that everyone on that side of the family now knows about my coming out & transition. So they will be looking at my androgynous manner of dress, in a totally different way. I'm wearing workout leggings, and a St. Louis Cardinals jersey. My leggings doesn't have pockets, so I'm carrying a cross body sling bag. My hair is held back with a white Cardinals visor, and my tennis shoes have Cardinal red lases.      Let the side eyes begin,   Mindy🌈🐛🏳️‍⚧️🦋
    • Sally Stone
      Abigail, I think this line of thinking comes mostly from the cis community, specifically, those with an anti-trans agenda.  These are the self-proclaimed experts ( who have no idea what it's like to be trans) trying to tell us they have a better understanding of being trans than we do.    
    • Ashley0616
    • Maddee
      You are so welcome 😊🦋 🌈🌈
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