Help

[Eliott]

Hi 

I am a 14yr old, came out as trans last year, FtM - how do I deal with my family who won't use my new boy name or pronouns? I feel so down about it. 

[VickySGV]

Welcome to the Forums @Eliott.  I moved your post to this forum where you the other guys can get it, and also some of the girls as well.  

 

At your age, it is going to be tough.  You need to find ONE supportive family member to get the ball rolling is the real answer.  Even an Aunt, Uncle or Cousin can help on this.  Getting the help of a Therapist in a Family Counseling situation would be another way.  If people are not Trans themselves wrapping their head around being Trans is almost impossible even for old folks like me to do.  I hope some of our members can give other ideas as well.  We will support you, because we have got Trans wired into us.

[Mmindy]

Welcome to the Forums @Eliott.

 

@VickySGV did a good job explaining your options, and like her, I hope others chime in. You have a safe place here to vent, ask other questions, and participate in conversation threads. Being from the UK also makes giving you advice a little bit tougher because so many of us are scattered around the world. Perhaps other UK residents/members will be able to give you advice based on your country and region.

 

Best wishes, stay positive, and motivated.

 

Mindy🐛🏳️‍⚧️🦋

[Maddee]

@Eliott

I suggest you stay yourself, and start squaring your life plan  towards the day when you are able to make your own rules. 
Good luck man

[Russ Fenrisson]

Hey, Elliot. I'm kind of in the same boat as you. Out to immediate family, but not to everyone else. Really, it can be tough for family to call you by your name and pronouns immediately because they've known you one way basically your whole life and to change it can be pretty difficult. For starters, try not to get too stressed out about it: mistakes will happen. A lot. The best thing to do is be patient. Give friendly reminders here and there about how you wish to present, but try not to push it. Family members might be a bit resistant at first, but they may warm to your presentation with time. If not, that's okay, because it's all about time. There will probably be more frustration than satisfaction but just know this kind of experience won't be forever.

 

If it's tough with your family, you can always try with friends but only if you know they're okay with it. If nothing at all, having one supportive friend is better than nothing.

 

With this, always remember to be patient and try not to be so tough with yourself. One day, it will all come to you and this moment will feel like it was a moment years and years in the past.

[Dillon]

@EliottI agree that if you can find one supportive person in your family that will help. I don't know what additional resources you have, but I find that books by FTM authors about their trans journeys have helped me in general to feel like I'm not alone in a primarily cis world. 

[DonkeySocks]

On 3/6/2023 at 1:45 PM, Russ Fenrisson said:

The best thing to do is be patient. Give friendly reminders here and there about how you wish to present, but try not to push it.

I agree with this and with the others. It's a sort of kind but firm training. Remember that your family and friends do not get to dictate to you how you feel about yourself.

[awkward-yet-sweet]

VickySGV gave some good advice.  At your age, its going to be hard.  I had a tough enough time just being a slightly tomboyish (and very closeted) lesbian when I was a teenager. 

 

Family can be a lifesaver or a massive pain.  If they don't respect you or your choices, don't try to force it on them or force the discussion.  Just let it be, hang in there, do well in school, and make some friends who accept the real you.  As you get older, your parents may accept you for who you are when they see it isn't just a "phase."  Or, they may not. 

 

Right now, unless there's some kind of danger in your life, you've got plenty of time.  Being a teenager is tough.  At 14, even a year seemed like forever to me.  Being told to wait and that the "magic age 18" is coming seems like forever.  I'm in my 30's now, and years pass by faster...the older you get, the more perspective you get.  At least, that's what I tell the teens in my family.  

 

Explore the site, and there's a spot where you can make topics just for age 13+ youth issues.  There's also other forums on the net for chat/online therapy.   While it may seem intimidating, you may have a school counselor you could talk to.  Depending on your state, some schools may be able to connect you with a counselor or therapist free of charge and without talking with your parents.  Some larger high schools have an LGBTQ+ student group.  Look around for the options you have, as having real people to talk with can make you feel heard and respected when others in your life aren't accepting you.