Post op followup /Moving on

[Maddee]

Warning some graphic detail on this blog

hope some people might stop and read it here in the public forum

First I need to say that with what some women go through with their bodies. I’m grateful for this experience.   Honored to endure anything that’s kind of like the other girls.  
 

But I still whine about it all

 

Dilating to regain lost depth. (Non PI procedure in this case)

I’ was repeatedly told gentle pressure but after all this time and depth loss I’m really trying to drill it sometimes.  
Width is fine.  Been getting close to my max, with any size up to green.  It’s not much left.  A little more than 1” short of the first dot.  Depth Holding steady with width improving for last 4 months Depth seems very difficult to increase once lost.  Especially with this type vaginoplasty.  Scar tissue also.  
My “prolapse” in November receded after around 3 days of jamming it back in with a dilator. Like it deflated.  I was seen by obgyn and a PT then. This was our best plan.   It think it’s like scar inside now, or it’s near the scars.  
 

I made the mistake of telling my IU surgeon last Oct that I had missed 2 days dilation when I went until the knife again in August.    After that, it’s his only comment regarding any issues with me.  Regardless of problems that were examined by local Drs and reported well before and after these dates.  At that appointment I was rescheduled for April and told to report my progress every six weeks.  They never responded to my reports of acknowledged receiving them.  Auto email reply said my NP contact was out of the office in April (starting right after my prolapse in Nov). Everyone else I reached in the office said the same thing :  “you’re fine just continue doing what we told you and you’ll see the surgeon in April”
The surgery team clinic they have not acknowledged a single issue reported to them by other Drs and never waivered from their one-sentence postop instructions.  And a disclaimer that there are no long term results known about my surgery, which now see as their mantra.   No  attempt to address postop problems or really to communicate about them.  
 

Now it’s April

At my in-clinic surgeon 13 month postop followup last Wed:

 

Brought in by the same assistant who would misgender me postop. 

(What’s a girl got to do to pass at the gender clinic??)

Sat down - uroflow test - no problem

Grateful my body is working in this way!!

Exam room - waited for surgeon and nurse navigator to ask me where I’m at

Undressed into exam gown chair.

Surgeon comes back, sticks his finger hard into me for four seconds.  Says nothing except get dressed. 
They come back again and he says I have two options:

-a surgery to widen. which he immediately said was irrelevant in my case,

so really NO option except

-“stop dilating, it will close up”.
I said no no no no no no no no no no
Surgeon gets up to leave

“Get used to receptive anal sex”

 

Apparently they don’t want to see me again. 
 

I drove home all day getting clear of  storm weather in Indiana  

 

I want to fight this battle forward towards my life now, and not backwards towards them.  
 

If they won’t revise this outcome, maybe someone else can.

 

I want it better.  
And Im lucky.  
I could be worse off than I am now.  

[Mmindy]

Maddee,

 

I know you won't give up, you've come to far to not be satisfied. I pray you find a surgeon who has experience correcting the mistakes made by the Indy Team.

 

Tearful Hugs,

 

Mindy🐛🏳️‍⚧️🦋

[Maddee]

Thank you for believing in me sister Mmindy

 

They did some things very well. I think.   And I have to feel lucky, even if nothing can be done for the depth. 
 

Still I believe something can be safely done !! 
 

Waiting on operative reports to be released. 
 

Can’t be lazy processing toooo much longer can I?

[Maddee]

Thank you for prayers.  
You are an amazing individual who is also trans.  
 I pray your soul and your memories be comforted

[April Marie]

Maddee,

 

You are so inspirational - and clearly a fighter who won't sit back and accept failure. I'm also praying that you find a surgical team who can help you achieve the results you want and deserve.

 

I know I can't offer much given my lack of experience and that I am just beginning this new journey. But, you always have my thoughts and prayers and total respect and love. You, beautiful woman, are a role model for us all and I am thankful for the support and encouragement you've given me.

[Maddee]

In the end it’s all up to God 

 

🌈🌈

[KathyLauren]

Maddee, I am sorry that your surgery team is so unsupportive.  I don't know what makes surgeons like that, but I think it is more common than we think.

 

A year after my surgery (vulvoplasty, a.k.a. "zero depth"), I was still having a lot of pain and discomfort.  I did manage to get my doctor to refer me back to the surgeon for a revision consultation, but it was clear from the moment he walked into the consulting room that he thought I was wasting his time.  He said there was nothing for him to do and I basically just had to suck it up and deal with it.  The whole attitude of the clinic is, "When you get on that plane to go home, we're done with you."

 

It totally sucks, and I hope you are able to find another surgeon who can help you.

[Maddee]

Thanks @KathyLauren   😊.  💕

Hope your discomfort is managing. It’s not good working these things out.  In my case it’s mostly feeling like a fool.  But it’s all good too, and it is meant to be. 
My wish for you is that you will still enjoy favorite activities.  Even if changed drastically since your operation, may things return a little more✨

 

I embrace the pain of progress and accomplishment.  Confidence Faith Hope
Or could the pain be a warning sign of something not right with my parts or my technique.?
That’s being a trick question.   Don’t want to make my matters worse. 

It’s been difficult to track progress my efforts.  

Think I need to change my dilation routine.  Employ ideas outside my former surgical care team that have worked elsewhere. 

May have to request some kind of accommodation at work to dilate at lunchtime or a break somewhere.  
 

[Jani]

Maddee where there is a will there is a way so continue to fight.  

 

Hugs, 

Jani