Hi, I’m Amy

[Amy2023]

I’m new here. I stared a conversation on the Coming Out forum. I guess I should have started here, but I laid out my whole life story there. It’s about how to tell my wife that I might be trans. Honestly, that was and will be again one of the hardest conversations ever to have with my wife. 
 

I’ll just tell you a little about myself. I was given the gender of a male when I was born. At a young age I felt that that was wrong because I liked playing with dolls and playing dress up. As I got older, looking at myself in women’s clothes made me happier, made me feel like that was how I belonged. The stress of life, of not being able to be me and everything that society said I had to be because I was a “guy” caused me to have really bad depression. I didn’t like the features that had, the penis, the facial hair and the body hair, but society said that is what a guy was supposed to look like. Being afraid to step out of the norm, I was appeared to be what I was thought to be. It caused my depression to be so bad that I tried killing myself at least 6 different times. Realizing now that I might be tans and not just some cross dresser and realizing that I deserve to be happy being me has put me between a rock and a hard place. 

[Mika Simpson]

Hi Amy, I am in the same satin covered boat. As far back as I can remember, I was grappling with these feelings, desires and practices. Like you, I’m weary of standing in the shadows with this. I told my wife last week. We’ve booked a therapist and…. I’m gonna try to begin transitioning. Whew! Hang in there.

 

Mika

[Carolyn Marie]

Welcome to Trans Pulse, Amy.  Sorry that it's been a while since anyone answered your post here.  It gets slow some times.  In any case, I appreciate that you've described your situation more than once; it's not an easy thing to do.  I also appreciate the struggle you're having coming out to your wife.  I agree that it's terribly hard to do, and I went through what you're going through.  I waited until I was 55 to do it, and was pretty sure it would end badly.  But it didn't, and after a year or so my wife came to support me, even if she didn't completely understand.  I hope the same outcome is in the cards for you. 

 

HUGS

 

Carolyn Marie

[April Marie]

Welcome to the forum, Amy!! I missed your original post but read it last evening - please don't ever hurt yourself. As dark as it may feel, there are people who care and who area always available to talk.

 

There are many of us here who found ourselves late in life and who have had spouses who ultimately came to support, love and remain with us. Honesty is always the best path forward if there is hope of that happening - both partners have to make it work, just as in any relationship.

 

You will find lots of information, support and love here.

[Mmindy]

Good morning Amy, and welcome to Transgender Pulse Forums.

 

As you've seen from the previous responses, you're not alone, and your story is very common here. You are correct about how difficult the conversation is, when you open up to your spouse. You also know you're not going back into the proverbial closet. The reactions of that spouse, is as different as there are numbers of spouses in the world. I didn't take the right approach when I came out, and to say it exploded, and continued to burn for the next couple of weeks, is an understatement. I can now say that we're still together, we have more open, and honest conversations about my slow transition. I'm becoming the woman I knew I should have been all along. I hope and pray that you and your spouse can find acceptance, and enjoy the journey of transition together.

 

Hugs,

 

Mindy🐛🏳️‍⚧️🦋

[Timber Wolf]

Hi Amy,

 

Welcome to Transpulse. I'm glad you're here. You're not alone.

 

Lots of love and a big welcome hug,

Timber Wolf🐾

[Rianon]

Hi, Amy. Welcome! (In a moment I'll go read your longer post in Coming Out.) I think you'll find one of the things most striking about those of us at TransPulse is not how different we are, one from the others, but how much alike we are, especially in our life stories. You'll find you're in good company here, I'm sure of that. ––Rianon

[Delcina B]

Welcome Amy! Glad you're here! I kept saying, "yes, me too." as I read this. About two years ago, I was there between the "rock & the hard place" & this amazing woman here helped me get unstuck. I repeated what my ex called it, "being selfish". So I tried to not be me, one more time, I returned to being really angry & resentful really quick. These lead to self medicating & that doesn't help me or anyone else. She helped me see being honest about who I am isn't selfish. Transition isn't always easy for me, it's come with loss, but it has brought me this amazing connection of mind & body I was looking for, for sooo long. I hope you find the wonderful support, advice & acceptance here as I have.

 

Hugs!

Delcina 

[lillyinmn]

Hi Amy,

 

Welcome to the forum.  You are in a position similar to my own.  Although I have told my wife, it is still very hard for me to find ways to talk about it with her.  But the confession is out there, and she still loves me.  

 

What made coming out so hard was not knowing how I would be heard.  It was not what I expected, but then again, how could I have known what to expect?  

 

May you find words and strength to find your way to and through the difficult conversation I know is weighing heavily on your mind.

 

Be well, and stay safe.

 

Lilly

 

 

[Ivy]

Welcome Amy

[Ashley0616]

Welcome Amy. I have been admitted to the psch ward because I have had many times of attempted suicide. I'm currently ok. I'm looking forward to starting HRT but have to talk to the primary care doctor on May 11 and hopefully will get on the hormones and start feeling like I should.