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Heather Shay

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"Every single American - gay, straight, lesbian, bisexual, transgender - every single American deserves to be treated equally in the eyes of the law and in the eyes of our society.  It’s a pretty simple proposition." ~ Barack Obama

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Calm down when you are overwhelmed.

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You can't have success without failures. Life doesn't come with an instruction booklet learn from the mistakes and move on from them. 

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You get meant to be here now - appreciate the gift and use it to help others and that will give you hope.

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You've got to stand for something or you'll fall for anything. 

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Clouds will pass

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When days are dreary, reach out to a friend. -Sandra Boynton

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Rest and relax

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Time for self love and loving for the kids. Not looking anymore. 

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Power through what makes you nervous. You can do it.

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“Despite the constant hatred we face as the LGBTQ+ community, we must stand united and strong in spreading our message of love.”
— Jazz Jennings, in a tweet

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cherish your good memories and leave behind any bad ones.

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“I think trans women, and trans people in general, show everyone that you can define what it means to be a man or woman on your own terms. A lot of what feminism is about is moving outside of roles and moving outside of expectations of who and what you’re supposed to be to live a more authentic life.” -Laverne Cox

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“The more I hold myself close and fully embrace who I am, the more I thrive.” -Elliot Page

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be strong even if you feel weak. you can do it.

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When you are tired or weary find rest

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Inspiration will from from unexpected places, keeping your ship afloat.

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It is okay to feel your feelings. Cry if you need to.

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Being transgender is not just a medical transition, it's discovering who you are, living your life authentically, loving yourself and spreading that love towards other people and accepting one another no matter their difference. -Jazz Jennings

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  • Posts

    • Heather Shay
      You might need adjustment. I think fatigue might be something you discuss with your endo or doctor or NP.
    • Heather Shay
      Welcome. Well written and relatable. I get it. I see you've met some of the wonderful sisters here and more will join in soon.
    • awkward-yet-sweet
      I'm finally home after a really long day.  I haven't been online much because I've been with my husband, helping the victims of the tornado in the neighboring county.   A lot of progress has been made in 4 days.  Some electricity has been restored, and wreckage has been cleared away from the roads.  We got the kitchen and lodging areas set up for the folks who lost their homes, so hopefully local folks can take over now.  Its amazing how much food has been donated so far, and clothes being collected.  My husband's company donated electrical equipment, and the time of work crews to install it.  They're going to be really busy in the coming weeks, with work locally, producing parts, and fulfilling orders from other areas.  So many places have been severely damaged in recent weeks.    For the moment, my part in the work is completed.  Now comes the next struggle - taking care of my husband.  He was finally able to come home tonight, since the situation is stable and their local people are gradually taking over.  But he stayed awake from Sunday morning until this evening, working constantly with only brief naps.    I'm already getting the medicines prepared, because I know he'll have a cold or the flu by this weekend.      Very true.  I think they have been teaching math in a different way for the last 30 years.  Kids aren't proficient in it...I know I'm not.  My husband believes in knowing how to do calculations on paper, just in case.  Its interesting to watch him scratch a few figures on the back of a receipt, just to check.  I never fully learned long division in school, and anything algebra was way beyond me.  Easy enough to get a passing grade without really knowing the material.  I've slowly learned some of what I should have known years ago...
    • EasyE
      Vicky is spot on. Find a therapist who can help you walk through these next steps. That did so much for me just to have someone there to listen, smile, ask me lots of questions and validate all my thoughts and feelings. It has helped me find me!   I am no professional, just a friend on the journey who wants you to know that you are not alone, you are in great company here and that you are a one-of-a-kind treasure. Best wishes and blessings to you!   EasyE
    • EasyE
      So ...  I obeyed the request you all made to talk with my doc about my fatigue. Thanks for looking out for me!!   He ordered blood work last week and thankfully there are no issues with my thyroid or other things being out of balance (my potassium is back in normal range).   The only flag on the test: My T is low! That is without spiro (and maybe was low even before I began HRT?? Just my speculation)   My E levels are on the high end of the normal range. Waiting for the doc's report on everything. I likely saw the test results before he did... thanks for your concern. 
    • missyjo
      hi friends so I'm reading on electrolysis n it seems it's touchy or bad for epilepsy    does anyone have input on safely getting electrolysis with epilepsy?    good providers..even if doctors? thank you
    • EasyE
      Congrats on this step of your journey... will be interesting to see how things go for you as I am only about eight weeks ahead and doing a little different plan... I did a lot of reading on estrogen monotherapy (no spiro) and my doc was OK starting me on an E patch alone. I have already stepped up the dosage once... I have experienced some mild effects thus far. Some "plumping" in my chest (that at least I have noticed) and a little more roller coaster emotions being the biggest...   Enjoy the ride. Welcome to the party. As others have shared, there are a lot of great, thoughtful people on here. I like to draw from the many varied experiences others have had and am learning a lot from that! Blessings to you!!   Easy
    • awkward-yet-sweet
      My cooking the last few days has all been in large batches, and not at home.  I guess my skills feeding a large family helped, since I've been working in an aid kitchen for folks who are now homeless because of a tornado.  Simple food, in really big pots.  Here's a simple but filling "guideline" (I won't call it a recipe) for something you can throw together to feed a crowd:   Red lentils and barley in equal quantities Meat of some kind - sausage, chicken...even Spam or hot dogs can work Onions Celery Something green - swiss chard, bok choy, cabbage.... whatever.    Add spices.  Salt, pepper, oregano, and maybe a bit of cumin.  Taste and adjust ingredients.  Boil while stirring, making sure nothing sticks to the bottom.  This soup should be thick, almost to the point of the spoon being able to stand up straight in the pot.  When serving, you can garnish with a tomato slice and a bit of sour cream, if you have it.    This kind of food is very filling, cheap and easy to make, and has a lot of protein.  Not just from the meat, but from the combined complimentary amino acids of the lentils and barley.  You could also use wheat and rice, beans and rice, or similar.  Its a good recipe for people in need of simple nourishment and fuel for hard work. 
    • VickySGV
      All of these are very common things that have been discussed by our members here over the years.  It sounds very much to me that you need to find a Therapist who deals in Gender issues and get some therapy going.  Where it will eventually take you is not mine or anyone else here's position to tell you who or how you wish to live as, but we can be here to tell you that you are not wrong for having those feelings or questions.  Because you have questions, you have at least a chance of finding answers.  Welcome to the Forums.
    • benwitz2
      This might be really long so apologies in advance. I (26 y/o AMAB) was raised by two women. I have an older sister. All of my role models growing up were wonderful, mostly gay, women; the few male adults I had in my life were angry and abusive. My grandfather beat and psychologically tormented my mom and her twin brother. Whether that's the reason I'm not sure, but there was never any attempt to get me a male role model through a Big Brother program or anything like that. From a young age I felt intense alienation and shame for being male. When I went through puberty I started experiencing social dysphoria. My mannerisms, worldview, likes, dislikes, access to and depth of emotion, conceptions of friendship, intimacy, and romance, etc.-- all of it was/is squarely on the feminine side of the supposed binary. I have very few masculine aspects of self. I feel like a girl in spirit. This is not about the physical body for me, or it at least it wouldn't be if gender wasn't assigned by sex. In the summer of high school I finally met a man who was a beautiful and positive role model for masculinity, but he got terminally ill after one summer. During that summer I didn't feel any more masculine, but I at least had finally found a man that wasn't thrown by that-- he met me where I was, and treated me like he a son or little brother. I don't know if I experience gender dysphoria. I don't have any acute sense of body dysmorphia, but I don't like being seen or thought of as a man. I feel like I'm always performing or lying. I don't identify with my post-pubescent body. Being a boy was ok, but not a man (apparently Contrapoints said that too?). I don't HATE the hair on my chest. I can appreciate it in a detached way. It makes me feel adult, but I don't feel like a man with hair on his chest, if that makes sense. I don't like the message it sends to the world. And while I don't crave a vagina just for its material existence, I want people to treat me like I have one (breasts I'm still considering). I despise my bass singing voice and could count on my fingers how many times I've used it in my life. Sometimes I wish I were gay so that any of this made any sense. When I was 11 or 12 I had a massive, acute existential crisis that led to me going non verbal for a day, and I've been dissociating ever since with some episodes of depersonalization/derealization. Every day I wake up feeling grief and guilt. I used to pin all this on my moms' separation, but that's starting to feel more and more like a red herring. Recently I have theorized that that has something to do with the beginning of puberty, and that I removed myself from my body when it began to develop. It's very hard for me to "inhabit" my body, and when I do, all I feel is that grief. It's a very odd sensation-- it feels like I used to have this little sister who died when I was a kid. Last night a song from my early childhood brought back what felt like repressed emotions, and I sobbed harder than I have in years. I was racked with grief over a death that never happened of someone I never knew. The obvious trans reading of that is that that little sister was me, and I went into exile when puberty hit. I don't want to transition or be a trans girl-- I want to wake up having been a cis girl this whole time. And to be honest I want to want to be trans so that I can get over this fear and just start transitioning. Others have described their trans awakening as joyful, but all I feel is anger and grief for the way I was born. I am worried that this signals that it's more of an interpersonal schism/learned hatred of being a "man" than it is "genuine" transgenderism. Is it a thing to not want to transition at all, to not want to be transgender, but to want to be just cis of your preferred sex? What if I'm just a really feminine guy, and I'm stuck, as I want to act feminine and be perceived as feminine, but I'm not actually transgender? And if that's true, why do I still want to be transgender? I'm not asking for anyone to tell me whether or not I'm trans, I am just wondering if anyone sees themselves in these experiences.
    • Mikayla2024
      YASSSSSS GIRL!! 🥳🥳🥳   Such a small world, Kathy!! If you live in NS, you’re def a bluenoser in my eyes ⛴️ !! 😊    But thank you so much for the response and advice!! Everyone’s HRT path is def different and I realize that, I’m just thankful that I’m finally starting somewhere and you’re right having the script has totally relieved my dysphoria symptoms even more! It’s like a big weight has been lifted off my shoulders and I can finally start the transitioning process !!   The way I see it, It’s only 4 weeks or 28 days on Spiro then I’ll be on Estrogen pills along with it. So, it’s going to come much sooner than I would’ve liked to realize. I just have to trust the process as I’m her first patient ever to do a full transition from the beginning and the fact that she’s willing to take me on and learn about it at the same time makes me really comfortable and trust in her process. The thing I like about her is that she told me she took an online course on gender affirming care on her own time specifically for me. So I believe she might know a thing or two.    We have a plan to do that for 6 months to 1 year and if everything is good with my labs then it’ll be injections and I hear that alone is enough to suppress T once it’s suppressed by the original regiment. 
    • Betty K
      That’s a brilliant analogy! 
    • VickySGV
      Now that you put it that way, I fully agree on its potential for those putting together educational guidelines.  One of my HMO's medical centers, has a garden plot with ONLY our local plants that are poisonous to human beings as part of our diet or skin absorbtion for teaching purposes.  I can easily the document as that sort of display. 
    • Betty K
      I think there is one (and probably only one) way to positively view the Cass Review: it collects all the most powerful weapons of the “gender critical” movement into one convenient repository, at least as regards gender-affirming care. To me, it’s like a crash course in how to fight GC ideology and advocate for trans kids. I am seeing it as my doctorate in the topic.
    • Vidanjali
      That's great. I hope it's a peaceful time of renewal for you.
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