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Seeking The Miracle.....Again


Timber Wolf

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Hi Everyone,

 

In 2006, after a major relapse and a stint in rehab, I began my journey in recovery from addiction. After a little over 16 years, that journey came to an abrupt end. I relapsed. I had drifted away from working my program of recovery.  I stopped working the 12 steps, stopped using my sponsor, and stopped attending in person NA meetings. I did attend online meetings, but with no particular recovery program. I guess I thought I was some kind of recovery pro.

 

That was around the end of June, 2022. I soon got up to my old tricks, taking combinations of drugs so that the synergy of the combinations intoxicating affects would be greater that the whole of the drugs. A risky business. I did try to avoid getting back into opioids, but in the end they joined the frey.  At that point my life went from going downhill to stepping off a sheer cliff and going into freefall. I was taking a drug cocktail that more closely resembled a witches brew. Eventually there was no more euphoria. I just got numb and nodded. I hated it, but I couldn't stop. I had passed through the gates of Hell on Earth.

 

Then one weekend my body and mind had reached the end of their rope.  The witches brew I was taking was so toxic, I could feel it killing me inside, like taking poison. I realised my choice was not between using and not using. It was between living and dying. I chose living.

 

I finally had the desperation I needed. I am attending in person recovery meetings again, as well as online meetings. I am keeping my eyes and ears open for a new sponsor and may have a prospect. I have 17 days drug free. I'm still experiencing a couple of withdrawal symptoms, but otherwise am progressing nicely towards really getting well (should be soon).

 

I know I am an addict, because despite the Hell I've gone through, my mind still drifts back to using from time to time. But I have found hope. My white welcome key tag symbolizes my new beginning.

 

My old journey has ended. My new journey has just begun. A new adventure, seeking the miracle.

 

Lots of love,

Timber Wolf🐾

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  • Forum Moderator

I am so glad you have come back.   While i only know you from our time together on line, here and Zoom meetings, i consider

you a friend.  Any of us can slip.  I have to remember that.  I am powerless.  If i ever pick up, like you, i quickly return to the hell of addiction.  Thank you for being here and sharing your story.

 

Big HUGS

 

Charlize

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  • Forum Moderator
On 5/5/2023 at 6:20 AM, Timber Wolf said:

Lots of love,

Timber Wolf🐾

I have a nephew, battling addiction, and the most important thing I can say to him is I love you.

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As the daughter of an alcoholic - one who could never admit the addiction that ultimately killed him - I know how hard making the choice to stop, to live, can be. Just @Mmindy said, saying that you are loved is the most important thing we can say - you are and we are here to wrap our virtual arms around you whenever you need us.

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  • Root Admin

We're here for you, Carla. You're a strong person and I'm confident you can beat this. Just keep on keeping on.😘:thumbsup:

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  • Admin

You are back, the slip was just that, you are back and what YOU had done before is still with you.  You need to do your own work on this but we will stand by and help you to be you.

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  • Admin

We all have Devils that trick us and convince us we are invincible and smarter than they are.  We aren't either thing.  But you know that, Carla.  You are a fighter and a survivor.  Lapses will happen.  It's getting up again after falling that's harder than hell.  I know you can do this.  We'll be here for you all the way.

 

HUGS

 

Carolyn Marie

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  • Forum Moderator

Keep going Carla. You can do it!

 

Tracy

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Hi @Timber Wolf! Glad you're back! TGAA is a room full of wonderful people living life on life's terms, one day at a time. If no one's told you they love you today, & even if they have, "I love you!"

 

Hugs!

Delcina 

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  • 3 weeks later...
  • Forum Moderator

Hi everyone,

 

I've not been around much lately. I've been very busy and I've been focusing on recovery.  I'm now over 37 days clean, all withdrawals have long since past, and I'm starting to really deal with life on life's terms again. Relapses can be very expensive, and I'm still trying to financially recover, and will be for a while.

 

Thank you all for the support. I feel freed from the slavery of active addiction.😊

 

Lots of love,

Timber Wolf🐾

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1 hour ago, Timber Wolf said:

Hi everyone,

 

I've not been around much lately. I've been very busy and I've been focusing on recovery.  I'm now over 37 days clean, all withdrawals have long since past, and I'm starting to really deal with life on life's terms again. Relapses can be very expensive, and I'm still trying to financially recover, and will be for a while.

 

Thank you all for the support. I feel freed from the slavery of active addiction.😊

 

Lots of love,

Timber Wolf🐾

What tremendous news!!! Just know that our prayers are always with you offering strength and love. 

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  • Forum Moderator
13 hours ago, Timber Wolf said:

Lots of love,

Timber Wolf🐾

It's a real struggle, everyday, day after day. Timber Wolf, you are valued, worthy, and loved.

Your commentary, and thoughtfulness taking time to remember everyone's Birthday.

 

You are Priceless to more than you know.

 

Mindy🐛🏳️‍⚧️🦋💖

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Bless you @Timber Wolf . You give the best virtual hugs. You'll be in my prayers every day. May your strength be continually fortified and may your own effort inspire steadfastness. Much love. 

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  • Root Admin

Carla, you are truly an inspiration to all of us with your will power and resolve. May God bless you and little Gizmo. Our site is the better for you being here. Your postings wishing Happy Birthdays and warm welcomes to new members are priceless. Thank you so much for doing what you do. :)

 

Love and Hugs,

 

MaryEllen

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  • 3 weeks later...
On 5/26/2023 at 2:26 AM, Timber Wolf said:

Hi everyone,

 

I've not been around much lately. I've been very busy and I've been focusing on recovery.  I'm now over 37 days clean, all withdrawals have long since past, and I'm starting to really deal with life on life's terms again. Relapses can be very expensive, and I'm still trying to financially recover, and will be for a while.

 

Thank you all for the support. I feel freed from the slavery of active addiction.😊

 

Lots of love,

Timber Wolf🐾

 

@Timber Wolf One day at a time! Glad you're here!

 

Hugs!

Delcina 

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