So far, coming out to my family has been a disaster

[EasyE]

As I wrote in my introduction story, I'm a guy in his 50s who has long been fascinated with wearing women's underwear and women's clothing in general. I don't know how to label myself. I am full of contradictions. I still feel like I identify as a male but one with a strong feminine dimension that likes to express itself in the way I dress. Can you be a little bit trans? Gender-creative might be the best way to describe me. I don't know.

 

I just know I feel most comfortable wearing certain aspects of women's clothing. Not always but a lot. If you were to give me a choice of wearing women's panties or men's boxer briefs, I am going to say women's panties every time. Every time! Same with a choosing a skirt over slacks – the skirt every time! Women's socks over men's socks, even if they look pretty much the same. Women's shorts and sweatpants over men's. Satin one- or two-piece nightwear to sleep in instead of an old ratty T-shirt, etc. This is very weird, I get it!

 

I am happy with this side of me. I feel like dressing in a feminine way makes me a better person, a better man even. It gets me in touch with a more sensitive side. It is an outward symbol of the kind of person I want to be and project to the world – softer (not weaker, but softer – not harsh, violent, mean, etc.), colorful, light-hearted, peaceful, happy, youthful. I am not rejecting manhood, maleness, being a father or being a husband. I just don't want to wear dull, plain guy clothes and for reasons I can't completely explain I would prefer these colorful clothes to come from the women's side of aisle.

 

I have a checkered past with my wife, alas, one filled with a long-time porn addiction (that thankfully I have left behind going on 11 years) and chronic masturbation (which has also been tamed, thankfully). In her eyes, the clothing thing is just another dimension of all that. I can't convince her that it is not, especially when she comes armed with bible verses and "righteous anger."

 

I can't convince her that I am happy being an effeminate male and that I feel my thought life is much healthier these days since bringing this part of me out into the open. In her eyes, I am sinning by buying clothes from the women's section of a store. I am a deviant. I am perverted, and she doesn't want a “hint of sexual immorality” in our marriage. She believes I am disrespecting her, our family and God himself. And recently she has made it clear that she's not sure it is safe for me to be around our kids.

 

This has been a nightmare since I finally told her about this side of me two months ago. It's gone from bad to worse with each passing week. It feels like the gauntlet has been laid down – the clothes or the marriage. There is no other option. And there is no mercy even though she has her own issues to work through (anger issues, control issues, general disorganization).

 

We have two daughters, 18 and 14. I've always had a great relationship with both of them, even through some of the worst times of my addiction and the fallout from that.

 

But last week, my wife “outed” me to them, telling them without me being present and without my consent that “your dad likes to wear women's clothing.” It was an underhanded thing to do behind my back. It hurt immensely. She is weaponizing the kids against me (though she denies she is trying to do that). And now my oldest daughter isn't talking to me and doesn't foresee wanting to for awhile. She's scared and feels betrayed by me, I guess that I have been misrepresenting myself. My youngest, the quiet and introspective one, seems OK and we have talked a few times since. But it is not the same.

 

My world is spinning. I never expected things to go this sideways. And while I never really expected my wife to accept this part of me completely – she is very conservative and old-school – I never expected to be vilified in the ways that I have been. And she doesn't think she is doing anything wrong, believing that she is being a good mom and protecting the children. I am not trying to be malicious or hurt her or the kids. I feel like I am trying to come into the light and live in truth about who I am and what I like.

 

The worst thing is that I told her after a marriage counseling session a few weeks ago that I would give all this up for her. It was a foolish thing to say. I felt pressured in the moment, both by her and the Christian counselor. But now I have double-betrayed her, in her view, because I am going back on that statement – because I know there is no way that I can just leave all this behind. It feels too ingrained with who I am. (Which she also doesn't understand - "how can something like clothes be that important to you?").

 

She is bewildered that I would choose clothes over her and that I am not willing to try and fight for our marriage. But that is not what this is about! This is about me loving her (trying to at least) by being real and truthful about who I am, and who I am is an effeminate man who likes to wear women's clothes. But I guess it is not OK to be that person. And I might lose my family because I want to continue to be that person.

 

And so I just don't know what to do about anything any more. My simple existence is hurting people even though that is the last thing I am trying to do.

 

Thanks for listening and letting me ramble...

 

Easy

 

[Betty K]

Hi EasyE (interesting choice of username btw!), I just know a tonne of people are gonna say the same thing I'm about to say but I'm going to say it anyway: find yourself a good therapist who understands gender. Ask at your local LGBTQIA+ community centre. Look online. Just find someone you can talk to about this issue openly without fear of judgement.

 

As to the situation with your wife, there are others here way more qualified than I am to comment on that. I will say, though, that with all the anti-trans propaganda in the US at the moment it's probably not surprising that your wife feels justified in treating you so cruelly. But she is treating you cruelly, horribly so. My heart goes out to you. These issues of gender are hard enough to cope with without a family member vilifying you.

 

One last thing: yes, you can most definitely be "a little bit trans". Trans is an umbrella term for everyone whose gender identity does not align with their gender assigned at birth. It may not align by a little bit or it may not align by a lot. But I'd just like to put this out there: it may also change over time. You may find, as I have, that one day you don't identify as male anymore, and that is perfectly fine too. You don't need to commit to any one definition of yourself. Gender can evolve. Your perception of yourself can change. And that can be a wonderful thing.

[EasyE]

The biggest thing is that my daughter is no longer speaking with me. And I can't even believe that. We have had such a great relationship over the years. We've been through a lot together. She is not even giving me the benefit of the doubt, not even allowing me to speak for myself after hearing stuff from her mom. I am just bewildered. I'm not sure I can go on much longer like this. I'm just in the F*** everything state right now... ungrateful, self-righteous people... 

 

As for my screenname -- it's not so easy right now...

 

E

[Betty K]

I totally hear you about your daughter. That must be devastating. All I can say is that surely she will eventually come around. Maybe you could write her a letter if she won’t speak in person?

 

Please, whatever you do, find a good therapist. 
 

I wish I could offer you something more. I know you are not alone in this situation though — there are so many similar stories on TransPulse. 

[Charlize]

Easy,  first welcome.  I certainly understand as i have experienced many of the reactions and feelings you speak about.  I also promised never again,  That actually happened many times.  My issues only grew and i started to sneak out to be myself.  I felt terrible about myself because i was hurting others.  When i went to therapy i saw that i had lived with gender issues throughout my life.  Slowly i began to accept them and have been fortunate that my family has accepted me as well.  It was a long painful process. but i am finally comfortable as myself.  I was prepared to loose all but fortunately i'm not bagging groceries and living on the street.  Instead i'm sitting at my table getting ready for a day of cutting hay on the farm.   Best done in pants by the way 😄   Keep coming.  You are not alone.

Easy does it.  Try to enjoy the world regardless of what is thrown.

 

Hugs,

 

Charlize

[KayC]

Hello @EasyE, and Welcome to this Forum. 

I know many others here (including myself) have gone through similar circumstance and you have already received some great encouragement.  It's painful for me to read your experience because it hits so close to home (for me, the last 3 years now), but I would like to give you some encouragement too.

14 hours ago, EasyE said:

This is about me loving her (trying to at least) by being real and truthful about who I am

Let's just start here - the most important part of your declaration is the 2d half ... 'being real and truthful about who I am ..."

I hope you can hold on to this because there is no value in any relationship when one of the partners has to live with a pretense.  For me, the most important aspect of my journey has been self-discovery, identity, well-being, and self-affirmation.  Those are all things you can work on too and also deserve to have for yourself.  If our partners don't want to come along for the ride, that is really up to them. 

 

The other constant is the benefit of your own individual therapy, and specifically gender-therapy.  Even if you are not decided on anything yet, it is extremely beneficial to have somebody to talk to openly, and that person cares about your welfare.  I hope you have this option available to you. 

I know how devastating things seem right now, but you can make it through this.  I am confident of that.

Deeps breaths ... one step at a time ❤️

[EasyE]

Thanks again, (new) friends for all of the encouragement and wise words. 

 

How would one find a good gender counselor? Sadly, I'm a Christian who loves Jesus and his Church, but I don't feel all that safe bringing these types of issues up to Christian counselors. It such a toxic subject with many Christians, and there is very little compassion flowing (sadly) toward the LGBTQ community from the folks who should have the most mercy and grace of anyone... 

[Astrid]

If you live near a university with a counseling center, give them a call and ask if they can recommend an experienced gender counselor.

 

Best wishes on the journey ahead,

 

Astrid 

[EasyE]

Well, after a couple of weeks, my daughter who had ceased communicating with me responded to one of my emails. They were sobering words to read -- she still says she wants to "break contact" with me for this stuff and variety of other reasons (some of my past indiscretions, alas). But at least we connected a little bit. I am hoping she will give me some face-to-face time at some point. She still hasn't heard my side of the story. There is a lot of context that she is missing out on...

 

Baby steps...

 

I just hope she knows I will never stop loving her or fighting for her. And I will always be one step away when she wants to turn back to me... 

[missyjo]

Easy 

welcome n I'm sorry for what is playing out for you.

 

i too endorse the find yourself à good gender therapist...I think I found mine from an old post by carolyn Marie from 2009 which was still relevant n helpful.my therapist is à lifesaver n as we approach gender issues we are also addresding other stuff that's hurting me..like family interactions. so get a good one n check if they accept your insurance plan to defray the costs 

 

 

I also suggest à spirituel Advisor..I had been using our priest but he has been ré assigned n won't be available any more

 so I'll get another...I was surprised the church was less condemning than politiciens n my siblings 

 

I have heard n read several account of once someone tries to transition  even à little bit  the spouse Gets antsy n some mariages Do not survive...but maybe it isn't fair that her views are the only important ones on the home? why don't your views n needs count equally?

 

im sorry..if it helps neither of my siblings who promised to always be there speak to me n don't want me speaking to their families either..like it's contagious or something..or maybe the 30 year old kids ,won't ever hear lgbt other than me, n their dads rallye of hatred?

 

I'm sorry dear. here's my view..they already know n hate me. so even if I tossed everything tonight, they'd still hate me, n I'd be miserable. now I'm lonely yes, but I ask why I treasure those relationships where they decided I was so easily disposable. 

 

I'm sorry dear 

 

good luck

 

hugs

 

 

[EasyE]

thanks for the hugs @missyjo. Very much appreciated... My oldest daughter actually spoke with me tonight (by phone, she and my wife and other daughter are at a school competition out of state). She told me that she loved me, so that was really nice to hear. Hopefully we can rebuild some things. 

 

I am Catholic and have thought about finding a spiritual advisor... I have been really shy about sharing this part of me around my Christian/Catholic friends for some reason. I guess I fear the backlash (which has already happened with some in my family). You would think Christians (who should be all about grace, forgiveness, mercy, love, humility, putting others first, etc.) would be the easiest to talk to -- even if they disagreed with what you are doing, things still should be civil and respectful -- but it turns out often not to be the case... 

[missyjo]

Easy

 

that's positive progress good.

 

therapist should follow wpath standards n gave experience with non binary clients n our issues. they're out there dear.

 

I'm guessing the Christians who condemn so quickly n without knowing many actual facts have some contorted image of what transgender means, as in we are all child eating trolls n will convert them if they get too close..laughs. course I thought I heard God judges, not man, n God loves all, even the lepers n pristitutes..so how come lgbt are excluded? course they read the bill of rights n constitution as protecting every cis male n lgbt shoukd be stoned out of existence. sorry. jerks.

 

keep the faith dear. when in doubt try to be kind. otherwise be kind, even to haters.

 

good luck 

 

hugs

missy

 

[missyjo]

easye

checking in on you dear.

 

much of what I read is this is not a free choice for us to wear a skirt or not, as most cis folks think. this is a need, compulsion n obsession n we NEED to dress as close to our target gender as possible to breathe...it isn't cute or easy or sexual, it's to breathe. they dont understand that. they think it's hey, jeans n dress shirt today or maybe à cute skirt set?.that simple, all choices being equal. I dress as M on Friday evening for mom n trust me, you notice your mood change when you go back..tell another transgender person n they will understand, but cis people think it's a simple choice. which it aint.

 

good luck on priest. my 1st priest was loving n accepting.  we met in his office a few times n talked this through. he greeted me in church with a smile n hello beautiful everytime. now they have re assigned him. his replacement called me n said wanted to meet me, as in friendly casual meeting. I wore a new dress with a shawl. again heard him say I wanted to meet you without adding...why me? turns out there have been concerns...people have told him they think I was AMAB n come to church dressed as woman n even had nerve to use ladies bathroom. 

if there are more comments we will have to addressain't. further, but foir now I want you to think about fixing this..use the gender neutral bathroom, n your dressing of course.

 

I see several problems here. 1 failed as leadership should have stopped the conversation before meeting with me n reminded the complainers God loves ALL,  with no exceptions or footnotes. 2 dishonest, as he didn't want to meet me he had an agenda n lied about it. 3. lack of integrity, as on Sundays he preaches God's love to all, but told me I need to change to be welcome to worship.  4 bad student as the Pope said to welcome lgbt people as God will judge us all, until then we are all children of God. so I left that church with letter to him n copied 1st priest. odd  thought someone would contact me but alas, nothing. my friends asked me to reconsider or meet with him again n i said no..he owed me better o think. they, understood n wanted to slap him n yell at him for his cruelty when Jesus preached gentleness n love.  shrugs.. so good luck. I am now church shopping. 

 

on good note, I had sent siblings letter saying if I'm so offensive then let's not talk, ever again. it's been a few months. last week 1 sent me a card I miss my brother..still missing point but trying I guess..the other spoke with me n suggested he broker a peace, so what if we now have a sister as long as we stick together...n maybe we all tell mom n help her understand so you can visit her again..I cried in hopes but reminded him I can't defend my right to exist every day from attacks..I'd rather have the dull pain of absence n keep hiding 75% of my life from mom..like my part time jobs at torrid n my swimming at gym in girls cute 1 piece..n my pretty new dress or whatever..maybe it will work out, maybe not..the important thing I think is I am now ok if it does not..I'm ok being saddened by losing my siblings but not being attacked..so anything better is a win..we will see

 

yours seems complicated by your children dear. it's only me n my cats. my darling wife has passed. so if I dress or die, it usually feels as though only my cats would notice or care. yours is trickier..n no I don't think once this information is out there is any such thing as putting it back n forget I said that..I would always be the weird uncle who thought he was a girl, I think. even if I denied it all n gave it all up today. so then why deny myself n hurt, why not transition n feel better, happier  ? I'm not asking you to accept me as a child eating troll or pervert, just as a woman..what, they don't like women now ?

 

good luck dear 

 

I'll pray your situation gets better

 

hugs

 

missy jo

[Ashley0616]

On 5/23/2023 at 6:11 PM, EasyE said:

As I wrote in my introduction story, I'm a guy in his 50s who has long been fascinated with wearing women's underwear and women's clothing in general. I don't know how to label myself. I am full of contradictions. I still feel like I identify as a male but one with a strong feminine dimension that likes to express itself in the way I dress. Can you be a little bit trans? Gender-creative might be the best way to describe me. I don't know.

 

I just know I feel most comfortable wearing certain aspects of women's clothing. Not always but a lot. If you were to give me a choice of wearing women's panties or men's boxer briefs, I am going to say women's panties every time. Every time! Same with a choosing a skirt over slacks – the skirt every time! Women's socks over men's socks, even if they look pretty much the same. Women's shorts and sweatpants over men's. Satin one- or two-piece nightwear to sleep in instead of an old ratty T-shirt, etc. This is very weird, I get it!

 

I am happy with this side of me. I feel like dressing in a feminine way makes me a better person, a better man even. It gets me in touch with a more sensitive side. It is an outward symbol of the kind of person I want to be and project to the world – softer (not weaker, but softer – not harsh, violent, mean, etc.), colorful, light-hearted, peaceful, happy, youthful. I am not rejecting manhood, maleness, being a father or being a husband. I just don't want to wear dull, plain guy clothes and for reasons I can't completely explain I would prefer these colorful clothes to come from the women's side of aisle.

 

I have a checkered past with my wife, alas, one filled with a long-time porn addiction (that thankfully I have left behind going on 11 years) and chronic masturbation (which has also been tamed, thankfully). In her eyes, the clothing thing is just another dimension of all that. I can't convince her that it is not, especially when she comes armed with bible verses and "righteous anger."

 

I can't convince her that I am happy being an effeminate male and that I feel my thought life is much healthier these days since bringing this part of me out into the open. In her eyes, I am sinning by buying clothes from the women's section of a store. I am a deviant. I am perverted, and she doesn't want a “hint of sexual immorality” in our marriage. She believes I am disrespecting her, our family and God himself. And recently she has made it clear that she's not sure it is safe for me to be around our kids.

 

This has been a nightmare since I finally told her about this side of me two months ago. It's gone from bad to worse with each passing week. It feels like the gauntlet has been laid down – the clothes or the marriage. There is no other option. And there is no mercy even though she has her own issues to work through (anger issues, control issues, general disorganization).

 

We have two daughters, 18 and 14. I've always had a great relationship with both of them, even through some of the worst times of my addiction and the fallout from that.

 

But last week, my wife “outed” me to them, telling them without me being present and without my consent that “your dad likes to wear women's clothing.” It was an underhanded thing to do behind my back. It hurt immensely. She is weaponizing the kids against me (though she denies she is trying to do that). And now my oldest daughter isn't talking to me and doesn't foresee wanting to for awhile. She's scared and feels betrayed by me, I guess that I have been misrepresenting myself. My youngest, the quiet and introspective one, seems OK and we have talked a few times since. But it is not the same.

 

My world is spinning. I never expected things to go this sideways. And while I never really expected my wife to accept this part of me completely – she is very conservative and old-school – I never expected to be vilified in the ways that I have been. And she doesn't think she is doing anything wrong, believing that she is being a good mom and protecting the children. I am not trying to be malicious or hurt her or the kids. I feel like I am trying to come into the light and live in truth about who I am and what I like.

 

The worst thing is that I told her after a marriage counseling session a few weeks ago that I would give all this up for her. It was a foolish thing to say. I felt pressured in the moment, both by her and the Christian counselor. But now I have double-betrayed her, in her view, because I am going back on that statement – because I know there is no way that I can just leave all this behind. It feels too ingrained with who I am. (Which she also doesn't understand - "how can something like clothes be that important to you?").

 

She is bewildered that I would choose clothes over her and that I am not willing to try and fight for our marriage. But that is not what this is about! This is about me loving her (trying to at least) by being real and truthful about who I am, and who I am is an effeminate man who likes to wear women's clothes. But I guess it is not OK to be that person. And I might lose my family because I want to continue to be that person.

 

And so I just don't know what to do about anything any more. My simple existence is hurting people even though that is the last thing I am trying to do.

 

Thanks for listening and letting me ramble...

 

Easy

 

It sounds to me in my own opinion that it may not be trans in your case. If the clothes is the only thing that you like to wear you might be considered a femboy. A femboy is a straight male that loves women's clothing. In fact there is plenty of Facebook pages for them. Again I want to specify this is all my own opinion. I'm not a therapist. I'm just saying that it could be something else. Your kids are getting a lot of information all at once. Give them sometime to process it. They might be thinking that if this is you then why didn't you tell them earlier. It's difficult for them just as it is for you. You must live how you feel comfortable in. Don't let anyone tell you anything different. I would suggest to find a therapist and get their professional opinion. Then you will get the answers you have been looking for. I wish you good luck. My kids are extremely young at 7 and 3. 

[EasyE]

Thanks @missyjoand @Ashley0616for checking in on me ... haven't been here much lately ... life is crazy busy ... trying to start my own business ... my car died ... I had serious dental surgery ... mom has been sick ... my oldest daughter (thankfully we have reconciled back to a good place) just went off to college ... whew...

 

Through it all, trying to process me ... femboy, trans, cross-dresser... All of the above? None of the above? Depends on the day or the hour. 

 

Sometimes I wonder if it's just that I am so enchanted by women and attracted to them/turned on by them that I am trying to "put that on" myself to get close to it. I know I LOVE the female body. I really don't like my male body, all the body hair, the spare tire around the waist, the lack of curves, the bulge down below ... I've wondered of late what it would be like to have breasts. I wear a bra most days... 

 

But at my core am I female? I don't think I can say that completely. I am very feminine in a lot of ways but not sure on this part ...

 

Add finding a good therapist to my to-do list for this month ... Hope everyone else is well!

 

Easy

 

 

[Ashley0616]

10 minutes ago, EasyE said:

Thanks @missyjoand @Ashley0616for checking in on me ... haven't been here much lately ... life is crazy busy ... trying to start my own business ... my car died ... I had serious dental surgery ... mom has been sick ... my oldest daughter (thankfully we have reconciled back to a good place) just went off to college ... whew...

 

Through it all, trying to process me ... femboy, trans, cross-dresser... All of the above? None of the above? Depends on the day or the hour. 

 

Sometimes I wonder if it's just that I am so enchanted by women and attracted to them/turned on by them that I am trying to "put that on" myself to get close to it. I know I LOVE the female body. I really don't like my male body, all the body hair, the spare tire around the waist, the lack of curves, the bulge down below ... I've wondered of late what it would be like to have breasts. I wear a bra most days... 

 

But at my core am I female? I don't think I can say that completely. I am very feminine in a lot of ways but not sure on this part ...

 

Add finding a good therapist to my to-do list for this month ... Hope everyone else is well!

 

Easy

 

 

You're welcome. I just don't want to get your hopes up and say yes you are because I don't have the degree for that. I tried college and it didn't go well at all. I'll be praying for you and your family. It would be nice if life was all roses but unfortunately there are a lot of thorns that keep it from being perfect. 

[April Marie]

I some seem to have missed welcoming you here!! Sorry!! I'm happy that you found us and reading your story reminded me of many of my own thoughts and struggles. I am also glad to see that your relationship with your daughter seems to have improved.

 

I am also Catholic and the church's "official" position on transgenderism added to my fears. Fortunately, our parish priest has a much different world-view, perhaps that he has a PhD in psychology helps. His position is that "God doesn't make mistakes" and understands how gender dysphoria impacts us. He's been very supportive of me and my wife as we've worked our way through the first 8 months since my coming out to her.

 

The spectrum of genderism from cross-dressing to full transition is wide, long and convoluted. Understanding where one falls among it all takes a lot of introspection and time. And, it may evolve over time, too. I pegged myself as a cross-dresser for decades before the pressures of dysphoria and depression all crashed in on me this year. I finally began working with a therapist which, literally, saved my life. I found my therapist through PrideCounseling online and have now moved to her private practice. My sessions are all done through video conferencing. Perhaps, that might be an option for you? Therapy helped me to finally understand my gender identity and set a path forward to whatever transition will ultimately look like for me.

 

Of course, you will always find friendship and support here.

[Madison_1990]

10 hours ago, EasyE said:

But at my core am I female? I don't think I can say that completely. I am very feminine in a lot of ways but not sure on this part ...

 

 

You really just need to find yourself.  When I started therapy I didn't really know what was wrong with me, I just knew the way I presented myself to the world wasn't right.  Like you, I knew the female lifestyle fit me better but didn't know where I fell in the spectrum.  I think going into therapy just trying to find the real you is the right attitude, rather than trying to just make a therapist confirm who you have yourself defined as in your mind.

[EasyE]

Thanks all for the thoughtful comments ... As April Marie said this is truly a "wide, long and convoluted" process... I think I have always been scared to truly be myself because of the fear (that we all probably have) of "if you really knew me you wouldn't love me." And sadly that has kind of been the case with me over the past 1-2 years, especially...

 

I became Catholic after a long time as a Protestant, opened up about this feminine side of myself to several family members, took a flying leap in trying to start my own business -- and have gotten some MAJOR push-back from my wife, one of my daughters and my parents about each of these things. Some real venom sent my way.

 

Sometimes I feel like as long as I stay in my little box, everyone is OK. But I start to think for myself or wander out of the box and everyone freaks out. Yet, no one would accept me talking to them in the harsh ways they speak to me...

 

Anyways, life has taken a strange turn for sure that I wasn't expecting over the past year. Everything has been a grind. But maybe the real me is emerging after all... I just hope I don't end up completely alone when the dust settles, which is where I feel I am headed sometimes...

[missyjo]

EasyE,

darling it is à long road with almost no mais, other than gfs n places like this n good professional on your team..ie a gender therapist for starters...like AprilMarie I see mine online n it's fine..look forward to it..helps center me..

 

but, loneliness ..n ending up alone? can't guarentee against it..in fact..it's feeling like that is leading choice right now

 

problem..this doesn't go back in the box..so even if I tried to stop now, I think I'd always be the weird uncle who thought he was à girl..I'm happier as a girl, but lonliness seems à tradeoff..

 

good luck dear

 

hugs

[Charlize]

6 hours ago, missyjo said:

.this doesn't go back in the box

EasyE i remember sitting with my therapist and realizing as i went over my life that this was a fact.  How many times had i pushed my female self away only to have it pop up a bit later. 

I certainly recommend seeing a gender therapist if only to better understand and accept your feelings.  Whatever path we decide on can depend on our circumstances but self acceptance rather than shame and guilt is so much easier to live with.

 

Hugs,

 

Charlize