Am I trans enough?

[LearningAboutJessica]

Hi everyone, my name is Jessica Erin. That’s super hard for me to say, because even as I type it, it seems like a crazy fantasy. I’ve got a lot of anxiety about being trans “enough” to truly consider myself to be female, and maybe a part of me will always question what I am because that’s just what I do. I’ve been working with a gender therapist for about eight months, and I came out to her “officially” two weeks ago. She tells me that if I feel female, I’d presenting as female feels “right”, and I say I’m female, the I’m probably female. That all makes sense, but I can’t shake the feeling that somehow I’ve created this in my mind. I don’t know how to move forward, either with transition or with self-knowledge, without being truly sure. Is anyone out there 100% convinced? 

[VickySGV]

Welcome to the Forums.  Around here, even the tiniest bit of being Trans is enough for you to fit in and be at home for asking questions and learning what others have to share.  A maxim that we have found true is that if you question your gender at all, you are not Cis gender.  What your future looks like is an adventure in self discovery and you will discover where you do feel most comfortable with life.  For now you are Trans enough for us.

[Sally Stone]

Hi Jessica, welcome to these forums.  I think Vicky covered the really important bits in her post, so I won't repeat anything she said. 

 

As humans, we are sort of spring-loaded to measuring ourselves against others, so it's not surprising you are asking whether or not you are trans enough.  However, I'd recommend that you try not to gauge how trans you are based on what others feel, do, or say.  You will find that your trans place is an individual one and that's what you need to explore.  Don't worry that your path might be different.  In fact, embrace your differences, they aren't going to make you any less trans. 

[AllieJ]

Hi Jessica! Unfortunately, there rarely is a 100% about anything, because we are all different, and changing. The thing is, do we have to fit into boxes made by other people? We are all a mix of male and female, and just need to find where we are happy and at peace, and this is different for you than me, or anybody else. Discard the boxes, experiment, and do the things that suit you! This will change, so experimenting will be ongoing, and you may not fit others definitions, but you will be perfectly you! 

 

Hugs,

 

Allie

[awkward-yet-sweet]

I've asked myself the same question.  Since I'm not taking large amounts of hormones, not looking at any surgeries, and not fully living in a "standard" male role, do I really fit?  i think that transgender/intersex/etc is a spectrum.  The folks getting the surgeries and putting a lot of effort at it are the ones that get discussed a lot in public.  I'm thinking that there's a large number of people who live quietly, change just a few things, and find a way to be comfortable and happy.  Some are fully in a male or female appearance and role, some are more in the middle. 

 

So, you....do you!  Whatever you do, whoever you want to be, you don't have to justify it or make it look like anybody else's life or path.  And who/how you are today doesn't have to define who/how you might be tomorrow or two years from now. 

 

Sometimes overused, but the quote from Dr. Seuss perhaps says it best -

"Be who you are and say what you feel.  Because those who matter don't mind, and those who mind don't matter." 

[Birdie]

Of course you fit in here!

 

I'm not on HRT at all, assigned male at birth, but identify as female. I don't usually wear much more than lip gloss, a blouse, and shorts. I'm "tomboyish" pretty much. 

 

If I fit in, you fit in. 😉

 

We will all find our zone, somewhere where we feel comfortable. That will be different for each one of us, and that's okay. Wouldn't the world be a dreary place of we were all the same?

 

[Kristen Sehr]

On 5/30/2023 at 9:08 PM, LearningAboutJessica said:

Hi everyone, my name is Jessica Erin. That’s super hard for me to say, because even as I type it, it seems like a crazy fantasy. I’ve got a lot of anxiety about being trans “enough” to truly consider myself to be female, and maybe a part of me will always question what I am because that’s just what I do. I’ve been working with a gender therapist for about eight months, and I came out to her “officially” two weeks ago. She tells me that if I feel female, I’d presenting as female feels “right”, and I say I’m female, the I’m probably female. That all makes sense, but I can’t shake the feeling that somehow I’ve created this in my mind. I don’t know how to move forward, either with transition or with self-knowledge, without being truly sure. Is anyone out there 100% convinced? 

 

Please try not to be anxious. You are in the process of finding what is right for you and that takes time and effort. Certainly it is not crazy! But confusing? Absolutely. For instance, anyone with even a partial female gender being socialized as a male plus getting lots of testosterone dumped in them in the process is going to be confused.

 

And the questions you are asking of yourself, you are not just creating these in your mind out of nothing. They are coming up for a reason. And being driven by something deeper within you. 

 

Please keep in mind that you can take this gender journey of discovery just as far, or not as far, as you are comfortable with. Not everybody needs to fully transition, take hormones or get surgery. Worth recognizing that you are still in control here too, and may take a transition path whenever appropriate, for as far & long as appropriate, etc. Or not. Entirely up to you.