Off-the-cuff remarks

[Mirrabooka]

Just wondering what people think of this concept.

 

Rather than a formal conversation in person with family members or significant others regarding coming out, what about informal comments made in reply to them as they occur?

 

For example, if someone commented on my hair, wcich is now shoulder length, and they said that it was beginning to look girly, I could reply "Good!" with a cheesy grin. Or, if someone noticed me walking around with a limp wrist (which happens purely involuntarily believe it or not) and asked me about it, I could say something like "Comes naturally I guess." Or, if I said in front of others, "Gonna be cold tonight. Might have to wear my thicker nightie." 

 

I guess the point I'm making is that those examples are ice-breakers that should lead to a more meaningful conversation. To me, that would beat the heck out of stressing about a formal announcement on a due date at a pre-arranged family event, or drafting a letter etc.

 

Thoughts?

[KathyLauren]

I think we all consider this approach at some point.  I don't recommend it.

 

For me, it  would have been taking the coward's way out, avoiding having to state my truth clearly.  That idea left a bad taste in my mouth: it feels passive-aggressive.  I have never liked the idea of communicating via hints.  It would have caused confusion in my listeners: "Did I miss something?"  It might have caused them to think that I had something to hide. 

 

The former instructor in me called for clarity and openness.  I stood up at a community social gathering and told them that I had been "diagnosed with gender dysphoria, which is the official diagnosis when someone is transgender".  I think I got brownie points among my neighbours for being open and honest with them.

 

I can understand your wanting to communicate with individuals one at a time rather than making a big group announcement.  But, rather than hints, I would suggest stating clearly what you have to say.  It is the one-on-one contact, not the casual hint-dropping, that will stimulate meaningful conversation.

[Mmindy]

24 minutes ago, Mirrabooka said:

beginning to look girly, I could reply "Good!" with a cheesy grin. Or, if someone noticed me walking around with a limp wrist (which happens purely involuntarily believe it or not) and asked me about it, I could say something like "Comes naturally I guess." Or, if I said in front of others, "Gonna be cold tonight. Might have to wear my thicker nightie."

Gday, well I guess it's really late evening down under.

 

Not only do I thing these off the cuff replies are okay, I make the same cheesy grin. Then move on. I let them think what they will. With the slow transition pace I'm making, it's kind of hiding in plain sight. Let them think what they will, no need to explain or defend what they see or perceive. I'm me in various manners of look, and activity. I'm not being flamboyant about it, just moving slowly through the androgynous scale. I'm also sure some are putting two and two together with my Pride2023 Facebook postings. Those who I'm out too, know for sure, and those who don't are guessing.

 

Mindy🌈🐛🏳️‍⚧️🦋

[Mirrabooka]

I totally respect your reply, Kathy. ❤️

 

I think for me, because I haven't gone very far down the path and I'm not even seeking therapy or formal diagnosis, I would be comfortable in the heat of the moment confirming people's suspicions of me if they were made apparent in an informal manner.

 

I must say though regarding hints, that's definitely a woman thing!

[Birdie]

Well, I hinted on another forum for about a month amongst my friends there and elsewhere, I even talked about the crazy effects high estrogen levels were having on me. 

Hints were well received, but no one realized the extent of where I was going with it. 

I was tired of pretending to be male, and I have the body to disprove any indication of that as well. My breasts and curves wanted to be seen, and I wanted them to be seen as well. 

So one day I decided to announce that I'm no longer hiding. I am intersex, so I identity as a "female". I do have some of the plumbing.

That was the most rewarding feeling of my life. 

"True friends" and family accepted things just fine, and I have been greeted onto the "girl's team" fairly well. 

I no longer work, but I do attend a day center mon-fri each week. This is the only place where "management" had a problem with it, and we have struggled to find an acceptable balance. 

Otherwise, that was the best day of my life. 

[Birdie]

8 minutes ago, Mirrabooka said:

I must say though regarding hints, that's definitely a woman thing!

And guys are really bad at taking hints 🙄, it most be a testosterone thing. 🤔