G'day from Allie!

[AllieJ]

Hi everyone! I'm so happy to be here, though I have been around the forums for a few years. I am a senior person, knew I was trans all my life but managed to suppress my dysphoria to have a 'normal' life with kids and all. When I got into my 60's, my dysphoria increased to the point it was affecting my health. I was still determined not to transition and risk everything I loved in my life, but I was getting so sick my survival was in doubt. I finally agreed to try oestradiol, and within a few days I was well again. I was euphoric that I was alive, but had to confront the fears of my life. My wife had seen that I had no choice but to transition, and tried her best to support me. When changes started to be noticeable at 6 months, I came out to my adult children in tears, and was so relieved when they too supported me. My family, workplace and community were next, and they all gave me incredible support. 

 

I did have some rocky years with doctors getting my HRT wrong, but my GRS in 2021 went smoothly and almost eliminated my dysphoria. Unfortunately, my work situation soured, and a month after my surgery, my wife told me she was leaving me. 2021 was enormously stressful for me. I vowed not to take my troubles into 2022, and retired to a life alone. My family became very important to me and especially my grandchildren. The stress of decades of dysphoria, transition, divorce, and a toxic workplace caught up with me in 2022 in the form of a heart attack. Luckily, I came out of it reasonably well, and with the determination to live my life!  Though I don't pass critical inspection, I can live comfortably in my identified gender, and as Australia is a supportive country, I can safely travel around. I have been active on many forums and lucky to have learned much from those who are willing to share. I look forward to becoming part of this community and both learning from and passing on information to members.

 

Hugs,

 

Allie 

[KathyLauren]

Hi, Allie!  Good to see you here.  I am sure you will enjoy TransPulse.  The people here are great.

[Mirrabooka]

G'day Allie, welcome aboard.

 

just letting you know, same country, same state, different story, but here we are. 

 

[Charlize]

Welcome Allie.  

 

Hugs,

 

Charlize

[AllieJ]

26 minutes ago, Mirrabooka said:

G'day Allie, welcome aboard.

 

just letting you know, same country, same state, different story, but here we are. 

 

It's awesome to see some Aussies here, and also from my state! I'm near Geelong, and my story has a lot more twists and turns, like my physical transition started on it's own 15 years before I started HRT as I had Hypogonadism, and is why at nearly 70, I have a full head of hair! So I am used to being different!

 

I knew of a guy in Gipplsand who had a boat named Mirrabooka! 

 

Hugs,

 

Allie

[April Marie]

Hi, Allie and welcome!! From another late 60s bloomer, just beginning my journey, I look forward to learning from and hearing about your experiences.

[Mirrabooka]

11 minutes ago, AllieJ said:

I knew of a guy in Gipplsand who had a boat named Mirrabooka! 

 

Hugs,

 

Allie

Ha! Gippsland is where I am, but I've never owned a boat! 

[AllieJ]

13 minutes ago, April Marie said:

Hi, Allie and welcome!! From another late 60s bloomer, just beginning my journey, I look forward to learning from and hearing about your experiences.

April, Thank you and I hope we can learn about and from each other! Transition is a rollercoaster, so when you are up, expect to go down, and when you are down, you are about to go up! But the curves surprise you, and you always take your loved ones with you on this ride!

 

Hugs,

 

Allie

[Susan R]

12 hours ago, AllieJ said:

I look forward to becoming part of this community and both learning from and passing on information to members.

Welcome @AllieJ, It’s great to see yet another old friend on this forum (assuming you are the same Allie I got years ago). I remember we had our first gender related surgeries a day apart if you are that person. We’ve both been through a lot over the last 5 years or so. It’ll be nice to catch up with you here as you’re willing. You and Lexxi have both been an inspiration to so many in our community over the years. It so nice to see you once again. Enjoy the forum!

 

Welcome Aboard,

Susan R🌷

[AllieJ]

42 minutes ago, Susan R said:

Welcome @AllieJ, It’s great to see yet another old friend on this forum (assuming you are the same Allie I got years ago). I remember we had our first gender related surgeries a day apart if you are that person. We’ve both been through a lot over the last 5 years or so. It’ll be nice to catch up with you here as you’re willing. You and Lexxi have both been an inspiration to so many in our community over the years. It so nice to see you once again. Enjoy the forum!

 

Welcome Aboard,

Susan R🌷

Yes Susan, I am that Allie, and it is so nice to hear from you again. Lexxi and I run a zoom session each Saturday Night (US Time) with a bunch of others from the forums years ago, and at the last zoom, Kathy Lauren recommended this forum, so some of us have joined, and so far, have been impressed. The last few years have been eventful, but my life seems to be getting back to a new sort of normal. Maybe you could join us in one of our zoom sessions one day! It would be great to hear what you have been up to!

 

Hugs,

 

Allie

[Lexxi]

5 hours ago, AllieJ said:

Yes Susan, I am that Allie, and it is so nice to hear from you again. Lexxi and I run a zoom session each Saturday Night (US Time) with a bunch of others from the forums years ago, and at the last zoom, Kathy Lauren recommended this forum, so some of us have joined, and so far, have been impressed. The last few years have been eventful, but my life seems to be getting back to a new sort of normal. Maybe you could join us in one of our zoom sessions one day! It would be great to hear what you have been up to!

 

Hugs,

 

Allie

We started doing those Zoom meetings at the beginning of Covid. They've become the highlight of my week. We do them every single Saturday night at 9 Eastern Standard Time. We normally don't finish the meeting until between 2 and 3 in the morning. To me it feels like a bunch of friends sitting around chatting in a restaurant or bar. We've never missed one meeting so no one ever has to worry about the others not being there one week. We always make sure either Allie or I get the meeting started every Saturday.

 

They're not anything formal and people can come as they are and everyone is welcome. So if anyone is interested just let us know and we can add you to the invite list. I promise you won't be disappointed. They're always full of support, laughs, fun, information and just an all-around good time.

 

Lexxi

[AllieJ]

On another forum, my bio is 'Allie's slightly different journey', because I have done things differently. First up, I am an unwilling transitioner. After I went through puberty I decided I would never transition because I developed a naturally big upper body, and believed I could never pass. As I got to my 20's, I desperately wanted babies, but of course, I couldn't get pregnant. I wasn't dating, so my mother started setting me up on blind dates, which were disasters as I wasn't interested. She set me up with a girl from her company, and this girl was so vulnerable and innocent I wanted to protect her, and 3 years later we married, and a year after that had our first baby. She struggled with motherhood, but I was more than capable, and loving caring for my baby. We had another, and just before his 3rd birthday, she left us, saying I made her feel inadequate as a mother, and they were better off with me.

 

Raising children, paying off an ex and the bank to keep our house was challenging, but I got the ultimate compliment when I was asked to join our local mothers group, and they trusted me to look after their children. I just couldn't consider transition as I was just too busy, and my life was my kids. My only outlet was scuba diving, and I had a regular dive buddy who was female. We shared so many things, and I was the shoulder she cried on through breakups with her boyfriends. She told me she loved me and was not looking for a partner, and wanted some commitment from me. She was my soul mate, but I told her I was asexual, and also trans. I didn't hear from her for 2 weeks. She came to me and said she had realised I had a strong female side, and realised it was part of the reasons she loved me. We agreed to marry on condition I never transitioned. She sealed our commitment by giving me a satin nighty set.

 

My kids were now in their 20's, so I moved in with my new wife, and we agreed I could wear female clothing at home, but only when she wasn't there, as she knew I needed to manage my dysphoria. A year later she came to the decision that it was impractical, and she could accept me as myself at home. That I did all the domestic chores influenced her. Life was great for over a decade.

 

I semi retired to my dream job at 50 and we moved to the seaside. I couldn't believe how lucky I was. I had grown out my hair and nails, and I worked with 5 women who called me 'Nana' because I was so focused on my grandchildren. My boss declared me an 'honorary woman' and the most sensitive employee. I stopped getting erections and my genitals atrophied over a decade, and I had to see a doctor as I developed Phimosis (the opening to my foreskin was closing and making urinating painful. They diagnosed me with hypogonadism, and wanted to circumcise me, but I refused. As I got into my 60's, my dysphoria got worse, and I began to have periods of depression. I was fearful that if I transitioned, I could lose my perfect life, my soul mate, access to my grandkids, my job, my house, and likely end up shunned by community. There was no way I could risk any of that!

 

September 2018, and I got sick, it was diagnosed as a virus, and I was prescribed antibiotics. This continued to December and I got steadily worse, and the respiratory specialist said I had a rare virus, and by now they were trying the same antibiotics again. I was seeing my 4th doctor by this stage and I told her I was suffering with severe dysphoria, but she said it had nothing to do with my illness. I continued getting worse, and my wife and I were getting very worried. In February, my doctor suggested we try hormones to remove dysphoria from the equation, but it took a month to jump through the hoops to get my first dose. I was scheduled to be admitted to hospital the week after I started HRT, but the pre admission chest CT showed I was completely cured. The doctors were forced to admit that my illness was stress from dysphoria. 

[AllieJ]

I was euphoric for a month, then I realised that I now had to face all the fears I had been running from. My dysphoria was reduced, but I fell into depression for 5 months. After 3 months on HRT, I thought that as I was cured of my illness, i could stop HRT, but within a couple of days of stopping, I was getting sick again. My doctor bluntly told me I had to transition or die. I actually said I would take my chances, and she responded by saying if my loved ones found out I let myself perish for them, they would have to bear the guilt of that for the rest of their lives. I started estrogen again.

 

I started to notice some development at 6 months on estrogen, and decided it was time to come out. I wrote a 2 page script for my son, and only got 2 lines in before he interrupted me and told me it didn't matter what I told him, he loved me and would totally support me. The dark clouds I had been living under parted, and for the first time in 6 months, the sun shone on me. I cried so much with joy. My daughter was next, and she didn't understand, but would always love and support me, and my son in law, said no matter what, i would be part of their family. More tears. I had the support of my wife and kids, and access to my grandchildren, I had a life to live.

 

My family were also supportive, and my work colleagues declared I now made sense, and they were enthusiastic about my transition. My community was also supportive, I was very lucky. My colleagues organised a day for us to attend a presentation on transitioning at work in a nearby city, but there was a catch. We had to drive 30 minutes to the station, catch a train for a one hour trip to the city, and walk a couple of blocks to the venue, and my colleagues demanded I do this in a dress! I had never been out in public, and my wife wasn't happy about this, but I felt I owed it to my colleagues. Though terrified initially, it all went smoothly and at lunch, my boss declared I made an acceptable woman, and that I should come to work from then on as myself. I knew my wife wasn't ready for this so I declined.

 

Part of my transition at work was establishing a timeline with the Inclusion manager. About 2/3rds down the list was time off for surgery. I hadn't even considered this yet, and had no idea what might be involved. I figured the best way to find out was to research surgeons and ring the office of the one I liked most. I was on the phone for 30 minutes, and it was like someone else took over my brain, and by the time I hung up, I had an appointment for a consult and a tentative date for the surgery! My wife had expected this at some stage and was having problems being seen as gay, so we agreed we would divorce, but continue living together (seperate bedrooms). This seemed to placate her.

 

Next item to attend to on the Inclusion list was change of name, and I filled out the forms, but before I could submit them, my wife blew up, saying my name change would stop our divorce, and wanted me to wait 2 months until the divorce was finalised. We already had legal advice this would not be a problem, but I had to wait until she contacted the lawyer again to confirm this. Some weeks later my new Birth Certificate arrived, and my wife broke down saying I had killed off her husband. I had dreamed all my life of seeing this birth certificate, but my celebration was lost, and again I cried myself to sleep.

 

I went full time from the start of 2020 and it all went smoothly. My wife even admitted her fears were not realised and she had often forgotten how I was dressed, so I started to think she might be coming around. My surgical consult was a bit awkward as my genital atrophy meant everything had retreated internally, and the surgeon had to manipulate things out to check them. He was surprised that this had happened decades before estrogen therapy. My surgery date was approaching, but I delayed it so I could have Christmas with my grandsons.

 

My wife took me to hospital and picked me up post surgery, and everything wet very well. She helped me at home and took me back to the hospital for my checkup. I was surprised how much my dysphoria was reduced, and I had a feeling everything would work out ok! 4 weeks post op, she advised me she was leaving me, and wanted to sell our house. 6 weeks post op, I returned to work to find that on my time off they had decided to change the way my job was done, and I realised the new methods would be hard for me physically. I asked to be included in the discussion, but was told the decision had been made. My dream job was gone. They had broken an industrial law, and after refusing to talk to me, I called in the workplace authority. This set the rest of the year up to be conflict with both my wife and my employer. I got past my wife leaving, and living on my own for the first time in my life, but the work situation was just cruel for months, and near the end of the year I realised it was destroying my health and cut my losses. For much of this year we were in and out of lockdown due to covid, and I was prevented from seeing my grandchildren. Zoom was keeping me sane, just!

 

The new work methods had aggravated an old injury, so I quit working in December and went into 2022 without oppression, but with a frozen shoulder. Covid was easing and I did get to see my kids more, and I decided to get BA. Just 4 weeks after my BA, i had a heart attack, involving 2 cardiac arrests. I came out of it amazingly well, but my surgeon was worried about how my new implants had handled 2 sessions of CPR which fractured my ribs. I had to wait some months to get scans of the implants, and they were intact! The cardiologist questioned me and determined that prolonged stress from transition, divorce, and toxic work situation were the main cause of my heart attack. 2 lessons I learned, don't stay in stressful situations for long, and ring the ambulance early!

 

This year, I determined to get my life back, and I have been working out in a gym, exercising every day, and I am back to scuba diving, and have started getting away for holidays again. Since 202 I have been active in the trans community, providing support through various online platforms, and more directly with a challenged trans person. I have done lots of research, and my doctor has contacted me to send him links to papers on recent developments! For those who remember me from other forums, I hop this bio has filled in the gaps for you!

 

hugs,

 

Allie

 

 

[Emily Elizabeth]

Allie J,  I want to say thank you for sharing in such a detailed way! You left nothing to the imagination and it was great to read! You are so brave and strong! Your story has taught me a lot, Thank you! Thank you for being you!

[MaybeRob]

Hey @AllieJ

 

I'm sorry I was a bit slow with a welcome, considering you have replied to some of my posts. 

 

I found your intro made me feel very emotional, from a person who is emotionally repressed. It's scary how gender issues can have such a profound effect on your entire body.

 

Hugs

 

MaybeRob

[AllieJ]

14 minutes ago, MaybeRob said:

Hey @AllieJ

 

I'm sorry I was a bit slow with a welcome, considering you have replied to some of my posts. 

 

I found your intro made me feel very emotional, from a person who is emotionally repressed. It's scary how gender issues can have such a profound effect on your entire body.

 

Hugs

 

MaybeRob

Kate/Rob Thank You!

 

I stupidly believed I could 'manage' my dysphoria forever, and I did get away with it for 65 years, but the cumulative effect of that almost killed me twice. I just hope my story encourages others to do something about their dysphoria before it gets critical. 

 

Hugs,

 

Allie

[AllieJ]

1 hour ago, Emily Elizabeth said:

Allie J,  I want to say thank you for sharing in such a detailed way! You left nothing to the imagination and it was great to read! You are so brave and strong! Your story has taught me a lot, Thank you! Thank you for being you!

Thank You Emily! This was an abridged version, but hopefully people know me a bit more now! I look forward to learning more about the lovely people here!

 

Hugs,

 

Allie

[Mirrabooka]

Thank you for posting your story, @AllieJ. Detailed yet concise. You've been on quite the journey, haven't you? One thing I've learnt is that there is a certain amount of catharsis from writing stuff down. So again, welcome aboard, and I'm glad that you've found this forum to be a place where you can express yourself. You will get nothing but support in return.

[AllieJ]

43 minutes ago, Mirrabooka said:

Thank you for posting your story, @AllieJ. Detailed yet concise. You've been on quite the journey, haven't you? One thing I've learnt is that there is a certain amount of catharsis from writing stuff down. So again, welcome aboard, and I'm glad that you've found this forum to be a place where you can express yourself. You will get nothing but support in return.

Thank you Mirrabooka! My journey has been 65 years in the making, and it's not done yet, though I finally feel like I have gone as far in transition as I will get. Being trans has been a challenge, and the source of almost all the pain in my life, but I feel I have made the most of my situation. The trans community has probably saved my life, and at the very least kept me sane, so I have been committed to serving our community for tha past couple of years. My heart attack alerted me to my mortality, so I am pulling back a little from volunteering, and committing more time to myself. I recently bought a caravan and in 3 weeks I will be en route to the NSW North coast for a break from the Melbourne winter, and I will be knee deep in grandkids from tomorrow for a week or two, which is my version of heaven.

 

Hugs,

 

Allie

[Mirrabooka]

2 minutes ago, AllieJ said:

I recently bought a caravan and in 3 weeks I will be en route to the NSW North coast for a break from the Melbourne winter, and I will be knee deep in grandkids from tomorrow for a week or two, which is my version of heaven.

 

Hugs,

 

Allie

Lucky bugger!

[Ivy]

Thank you for sharing