How common is transgender treatment regret, detransitioning?

[Mmindy]

By Lindsey Tanner

AP - Published 8:55 AM EDT, March 5, 2023

 

https://apnews.com/article/transgender-treatment-regret-detransition-371e927ec6e7a24cd9c77b5371c6ba2b

 

[AllieJ]

Detransition is rare, but it does happen. Regret is hardly ever the reason, but inability to find work, family pressure, and to save a marriage are most common, and these are all phobias or prejudice of other people, not the trans person!

 

hugs,

 

Allie

[Carolyn Marie]

For right wing media types and right wing politicians, if they can find one, single, de-transitioner willing to speak out, that proves that it's all a fraud and/or it's "experimental."  "Young people are being pushed by those with a 'trans agenda' and every single blessed kid is being mentally abused and physically deformed."  We're monsters, dontcha know?

 

Few will pay attention to articles like this, well intentioned though they are.  I know I sound bitter and my sarcasm gets the better of me sometimes.  But, you know, I am a legitimate person (too).  LOL!

 

Carolyn Marie

[VickySGV]

This and the numbers cited are what has been in the studies I have personally reviewed.  I am looking at 80+ scientific papers that I have downloaded and read (which may partially account for my recent eye surgery).  Transgender History has had our rocky paths since 1966.  Our biggest problem however is that Non-trans people, especially from backgrounds where diversity is feared to a point of phobia cannot comprehend thought patterns other than theirs which are welded tightly to their birth gender as built into them by their environment.

 

[Kristen Sehr]

Well, I de-transitioned after about 5 years of living full-time (as a MtF). The de-transition was after I had changed my name, obtained full-time employment and my own housing as a woman, and had accomplished everything else imaginable - including gender affirming surgeries. In my own case, regret over transitioning from male to female had absolutely nothing whatsoever to do with why the de-transition happened. Not at all.

 

So what happened to me? Someday, if I am ever comfortable in discussing the (unrelated) severe trauma I went through publicly, then I'll do so. Until then, suffice it to say that de-transitioning was a survival choice and I very deeply regret that it happened and that it went on for as long as it did. Because that is time I can never get back. I never reached out for any help then either, which was another grave mistake. Had I done so, maybe things would have turned out differently. As it happened, I was completely crushed. As if I had died inside but incredulously went on existing. There is far more to this than I am sharing here and the few people that know the whole story keep urging me to write a book about it. Maybe someday... 

 

In the end though, I finally returned to transition all over again. Which I am now in the process of. Why? Because of who I really am inside, which is an inescapable truth. Among other things, de-transition puts needs and feelings into cold storage where they might seem to have vanished. But they absolutely don't. They can't. And they do resurface despite everything. In time.   

 

I think that the only reason things like de-transitioning are getting attention is because it is being used very negatively as part of a twisted political agenda, in order to undermine legitimate transition choices and to vilify this very necessary course of treatment - that can literally mean life or death to some trans people. As if these scheming, heartless politicos and their allies are somehow "protecting" society at large by illustrating how "bad" transitioning can be by raising false and misleading arguments about it. Which just sickens me...

[AllieJ]

The concept of 'detransioning' is reliant on the notion that transition is just a choice we make. Of course the reality is that our brain is structured differently, and can't be 'rewired'. We transition to ease the discomfort (dysphoria) of incongruence, so if we 'detransition', that incongruence and discomfort will again make our lives miserable. The key to disable conservatives and right wingers is to rid the notion that we have a mental condition or are choosing this life. Almost every attack by right wingers on us comes from this notion, so it is almost a survival necessity to fight this notion to take away their arguments.

 

After my GRS, my dysphoria was almost nil, so I considered detransition to maybe keep my marriage together.  But I reasoned that it probably wouldn't save my marriage, would put my family through stress again, and inevitably my dysphoria would return. I had to come to terms with losing my soul mate as it was going to happen whatever I tried. 

 

Hugs,

 

Allie

[Kristen Sehr]

30 minutes ago, AllieJ said:

The concept of 'detransioning' is reliant on the notion that transition is just a choice we make. Of course the reality is that our brain is structured differently, and can't be 'rewired'. We transition to ease the discomfort (dysphoria) of incongruence, so if we 'detransition', that incongruence and discomfort will again make our lives miserable. The key to disable conservatives and right wingers is to rid the notion that we have a mental condition or are choosing this life. Almost every attack by right wingers on us comes from this notion, so it is almost a survival necessity to fight this notion to take away their arguments.

 

After my GRS, my dysphoria was almost nil, so I considered detransition to maybe keep my marriage together.  But I reasoned that it probably wouldn't save my marriage, would put my family through stress again, and inevitably my dysphoria would return. I had to come to terms with losing my soul mate as it was going to happen whatever I tried. 

 

Hugs,

 

Allie

 

Allie, these are some very well reasoned points. Thank you for making them.

 

After all the bad that had happened to me, I just did not want to feel anything anymore. About gender or anything else at all.

 

So de-transitioning (a term I have only heard of recently) was just a part of the approach I adopted. Which turned out to be spectacularly self-destructive. I went on to volunteer, to do things that were extremely risky in what I now recognize were rationalized and veiled suicide attempts. Disguised as something noble. And those consequences, which include PTSD, are something else I have since had to deal with. And will be dealing with for the rest of my days.  

 

I think you are correct about the prospects of your marriage, too. But you clearly did what you had to do. And without fault. 

 

For anybody else reading this that ever considers de-transition as a solution to anything - I urge you to please, please at the very least get some help with that decision first. I didn't and have suffered greatly for it, more than any language or vocabulary I know of can adequately describe.          

 

[Mmindy]

2 hours ago, Carolyn Marie said:

But, you know, I am a legitimate person (too).  LOL!

Carolyn, I love the legitimate you. Your commentary is always spot on.

 

1 hour ago, Kristen Sehr said:

Because of who I really am inside, which is an inescapable truth.

Kristen, I feel your inescapable truth as I deal with my slowed transition because of my need to be with my wife. @AllieJ nailed it in her first comment. I'm not going to give up and return to the proverbial closet.

 

Hugs,

 

Mindy🌈🐛🏳️‍⚧️🦋🏳️‍🌈

[Kristen Sehr]

7 minutes ago, Mmindy said:

Kristen, I feel your inescapable truth as I deal with my slowed transition because of my need to be with my wife. @AllieJ nailed it in her first comment. I'm not going to give up and return to the proverbial closet.

 

Hugs,

 

Mindy🌈🐛🏳️‍⚧️🦋🏳️‍🌈

 

Good for you, Mindy! I am happy for you. And if things can be made to work out okay with your wife, then all the better. I know very well how deeply important that can be, to try and preserve such a relationship.

[AllieJ]

33 minutes ago, Kristen Sehr said:

 

Allie, these are some very well reasoned points. Thank you for making them.

 

       

 

Thank you Kristen! I am hoping to show that detransitioning for a better life is futile, as all you will accomplish is trading one set of problems for another. Transition is a major step, completely restructuring your own life, affecting many other lives, and leaving us reliant on medications for the rest of our lives. Not to mention the cost of surgeries, the pain of hair removal, and facing prejudice and bigotry. Having gone through these challenges, how badly would you need to feel to throw it all away? Losing my soul mate was simply unthinkable for me, but it was inevitable no matter what I did. We have remained good friends, and speak every couple of days. She stayed with me in hospital and at my house for a week after I was released from my heart attack, and did all my chores, including lawn mowing for over a month. Life is strange, and sometimes you just have to roll with things.

 

Hugs,

 

Allie

[awkward-yet-sweet]

Some may de-transition, but the majority don't.  "Buyer's remorse" is a natural thing, and we see it with plastic surgery such as breast implants.  I think that is one reason why many doctors are initially cautious and want to ease a patient slowly into the steps while offering a range of options. 

[AllieJ]

3 hours ago, awkward-yet-sweet said:

Some may de-transition, but the majority don't.  "Buyer's remorse" is a natural thing, and we see it with plastic surgery such as breast implants.  I think that is one reason why many doctors are initially cautious and want to ease a patient slowly into the steps while offering a range of options. 

Gender Affirming Surgeries have among the lowest regret rates for any procedures, most studies reporting less than 1%, while plastic surgeries like BA report around 30% regret rates. Non surgical affirming treatments also report extremely low regret rates, so the conservative and right wing assertions are utter rubbish, to outright lies.

 

Anybody on a public salary who tries to mislead the public to push their own agendas is not fit for public service and should be removed from their positions.

 

Hugs,

 

Allie

[MaybeRob]

"Anybody on a public salary who tries to mislead the public to push their own agendas is not fit for public service and should be removed from their positions."

 

totally agree @AllieJ

[Charlize]

I only know one MTF who has changed their presentation after going full time.  They did it for their "families comfort".  They are fairly active catholics.  She is a friend and will remain a friend.  We all have experienced the pressure society puts on us to live up  to their expectations or beliefs.  Conformity is a big influence.  It is simply more comfortable for us to remain in the closet as far society is concerned.  The same is true for those who are of a different religion , race or nationality.  those pressures have always existed.  Hopefully our governmental principals will continue to be a path to our being a part of society.  Detransitioning would not even be an issue if acceptance not judgement was the norm in certain sections of society.

 

Hugs,

 

Charlize