Probably not cis if I'm asking the question, right?

[ok_move9046]

I'm in my mid-30s and I feel like I've spent most of my life wondering who I am or what my deal is. For a long time I considered myself heteroromantic but bisexual. I love women from a romantic/emotional perspective, but if I'm honest with myself I think I have a pretty strong genital preference for male organs. Someone recently explained "cross-orientation" to me and it seemed to make a lot of sense, and they also mentioned that it's sometimes correlated with trans-ness, and that's been stirring up a bunch of other unanswered questions for me.

I've never felt strongly male or masculine. Like I don't care about he/him pronounces and I don't care about "typical" male stuff. But that doesn't automatically make you nonbinary or trans female, right? Except I think if I had a choice and could redo life, I've been thinking more and more that I'd probably pick being a woman.

I've never really liked looking in the mirror all that much and I used to think that was just a self-esteem thing. But lately I've been thinking more and more about how nice it would be to wake up tomorrow and have completely smooth legs for the rest of my life (I know not even women have perfectly smooth legs). I feel like I think WAY more often than I should about how I wish my nipples were bigger and more sensitive?

I also realized 7 or 8 years ago that whenever I watch adult movies, I always, like 99.9% of the time, identify as the woman in the video, not the man. I mentioned this to the friend that explained cross orientation and she suggested that my "attraction" to women might actually be identification? After that sank in I feel like I've been viewing some things very differently.

Ok, last thing I can think of for now. I've talked to a few supportive women about these things and we experimented with female pronouns. Like I said, I don't really care about male pronouns, they don't bother me at all. But for some reason she/her felt... good? One friend told me that the way I talk is pretty much indistinguishable from a woman and maybe she was embellishing but I feel like that was such an amazing compliment? Again, if I wasn't somewhere on the trans spectrum that probably wouldn't be the case, right?

 

 

 

Edited July 16, 2023 by VickySGV
Over PG 13 language edited

[VickySGV]

Welcome to the forums @ok_move9046 Please read our caution about our younger members here in the Community Rules.  Your questions though are ones that many of our readers have faced in their lives and you can read the gone-before comments here on all of that.  All of that of course is what you should be talking about with a Therapist who counsels gender issues  and who can help you fine tune your own answers to those things.  Trans is about personal identity and not specifically sexual orientation, since Trans people can have romantic feelings, anywhere on the spectrum and for some it changes or gains different nuances as a Transition happens,  Your girlfriend was quite wise in her guess about how MtF do envy Cis women and mistake the envy for specific romantic attraction.  Again welcome to the forums.

 

[Carolyn Marie]

Welcome to Trans Pulse, hon.  From everything you said, I think your feeling or belief is correct; that you are not cisgender.  But where you are on the "spectrum" is something that we can't tell you, and that you might need a gender therapist to help you sort out.  In addition, what you do about that, if anything, is ultimately up to you to determine.

 

We can help some by answering questions, pointing you in the right direction, and explaining how we feel came to the conclusions or decisions that helped is make our own paths.  Please look around the forums and learn all you can. 

 

HUGS

 

Carolyn Marie

[Mirrabooka]

9 hours ago, ok_move9046 said:

One friend told me that the way I talk is pretty much indistinguishable from a woman and maybe she was embellishing but I feel like that was such an amazing compliment? Again, if I wasn't somewhere on the trans spectrum that probably wouldn't be the case, right?

 

 

 

Hello @ok_move9046, welcome aboard.

 

A friend of mine said a very similar thing to me a couple of years ago, and it started me on a journey of discovery. That journey is still ongoing, and I am happy to admit that I sit somewhere on the rainbow, not sure how far along it, but I'm on it nonetheless. It is said that if you don't think of gender issues then you are probably cis. If you do, welcome to the rainbow, there's plenty of room for all of us.

 

I sometimes still feel that I'm not 'trans enough' because I don't feel any compulsion to go all the way, but I do know that my mind is filled with stuff that cis folk never contemplate. Constantly.

 

You belong here, and you are welcome here.